Part Six: The PCs finally reach the dreaded lair of Kuthoolu.

Eventually the PCs make their way to the center of the labyrinth where they come across a massive set of brass doors. Inscribed upon these massive portals are Great Kuthoolu's runes, as well as the haunting couplet:

That which is dead may eternal lie, but open these doors and you're gonna die.

At this point Joey is practically wetting himself with excitement, and decides to treat the PCs to yet another one of his long-winded polysyllabic speeches.

"Oh, my comrades, who have brought me to this most unconscionable edifice of darkness, madness, and despair, lend your ears to the words of acclaim I would bestow upon you. Though you have no doubt suffered much in your pathetic lives, and indeed during the course of our journey together, you are about to reach the pinnacle of the nihilistic lifestyle you have been living.

"Beyond these doors lies the unspeakable, unfathomable, unknowable horror which is Great Kuthoolu. Soon you shall either be crushed underfoot or spared to enjoy the riches ! have promised you. Rejoice friends, and then get your butts over to those doors and open 'em.

Naturally the PCs do as Joey commands (after all, if they've gone through it's unlikely that they're going to turn back now). With a Kinda Overwhelming meat roll, they pry open the ancient portal, revealing a dark void.

For a moment there is a breathless silence. Then, from out of the stygian depths, lumbers something massive, oily, and thoroughly gross. The size of: a confederate "Battle Deity" Cruiser with the unwholesome taint of a Sodomy Biker's armpit, an awakened leviathan rises up to greet its hapless liberators.

Take a wild guess who it is...

No, it's not Roseanne. It is the mighty Kuthoolu!

Great Kuthoolu Stats

Greymatta 4
Attack Value 15
Mouth - 2
Total Armor 20
Meat 15
Anguish/Damage 20/4
Feets 1
Nuts 10

Okay, at this point Kuthoolu will look down on the PCs and start deciding who to crush into a bloody pulp first. The only thing that might make the monster reconsider this course of action is if some of the PCs are dressed up as Wastits.

Kuthoolu knows full well that his spawn have a whole bunch of the little abominations as pets, and is equally aware of the pathetic whining he will have to put up with if he stomps any such Wastits. Unless he can see through their disguise Kuthoolu will let appropriately costumed PCs live.

HM Note: If any fake Wastits attack Kuthoolu, then they turn themselves into targets. 'Nuff said.

While all this is going on, however, Joey Lovecraft pipes up with the following greeting to his dreadful master:

"Oh my foul Lord of deepest evil! It is I, Joey 'Abd al-Azrad' Lovecraft, your loyal servant and biggest fan! Please, take my life and those of my servants for the glory of witnessing your eminence in..."

At this point Kuthoolu steps on Joey, thus sparing everybody the pain of having to listen to the creep.

While Joey is discovering the joys of being two-dimensional, the PCs have a free turn to do whatever floats their boat. Running away seems like a good idea, though the sociopathic curs will probably opt to slug it out with the demonic monster instead.

If they actually manage to waste Kuthoolu (with a Tactical Nuclear Assault Cannon for example), then give the PCs something really cool for their efforts. A BIG Prickudo comes to mind, but perhaps you could load 'em up with treasure from Kuthoolu's lair instead.

If the PCs turn tail and run, however, let them make it back to the Bloody Marauder and get the heck out of there. Either way, the least the PCs get for the entire fiasco is a septic sailing ship, the reward Joey promised them (which is kept in an old trunk in Lovecraft's cabin), and their lives.

Not a bad haul, and think of all the new blood-soaked high-seas adventures you can send them on in the future!

Hol Lot of Trouble

Introduction
Part 1: Arrival
Part 2: Recruitment
Part 3: Set Sail
Part 4: R'ylee Island
Part 5: Dungeon
Part 6: Lair of Kuthoolu
Appendix

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