A Hol Lot Of Trouble:

Part 2: Recruitment

by Serge Stelmack
Artwork by Brad McDevitt


Part Two: The Characters get Recruited by a Satanic madman.

Arriving at Ye Bloated Maggot Inn, the players quickly notice that the only one in the Inn is a brooding, dark-robed figure sitting at a corner table. His eyes glow with malevolent red energy. His fingernails are black. Across his back he carries a demonic-looking sword. The word "evil" is tattooed across his forehead. Around his neck is a string of mummified Sodomy Biker heads. This, ladies and gentlemen, is Joey Lovecraft.

Without waiting for the characters to speak, Joey breaks out into a rasping monologue.

"Greetings my friends! I know that you have come to seek the position I have advertised, and indeed you have fulfilled your dark and horrific destinies by doing so! Together we shall venture across the Septic Sea in my private vessel, The Bloody Marauder, and do battle with the monstrous hell-hulks that ply that ocean of slime and toxic filth.

"Eventually, after much carnage and bittersweet misery, we shall arrive at the dreaded Isle of R'lyee, and there we shall open the accursed crypt of unhallowed ages and release that sultan of invincible demonic evil, Great Kuthoolu! Great indeed will be our glory as the pure heaving bulk that is the carrion lord sets his ancient eyes upon us, instantly taking in the utter insignificance of our existence and thrusting us like so many worms into his great tentacle-rimmed acidic jaws!"

At this point Joey will offer the characters a seat and ask them to fill out an employment waiver (the appendix contains a graphical version--RL) that reads as follows:

I (your name) , promise to surrender all my legal and human rights to my employer, Mr. Joey "Abd al-Azrad" Lovecraft, in return for food, water, board, ammo, and dental care while journeying to the Isle of R'lyee. On the way to the island I will fight anyone that tries to stop Mr. Lovecraft from reaching R'lyee, gladly laying down my life so that he can succeed in reaching his destination.

Once upon the isle of R'lyee I will help Mr. Lovecraft open the crypt of the forgotten god Kuthoolu, and promise not to embarrass my employer when the monstrous horror awakens to consume us (i.e. won't scream incessantly, beg for mercy, run around in sheer panic, etc. ).

In the extremely unlikely event that I should survive my encounter with Great Kuthoolu, my employer promises to pay me a sum of 10,000 festering grobnoids upon our return to Port Krapper.

HM Tip: Naturally the characters will not want to miss out on this opportunity for high adventure and will willingly accompany Mr. Lovecraft to his boat. If this is not the case, there are several things that a Hölmeister can do about it...

1. Have Joey offer to pay them more money. I know this sounds stupid, but you wouldn't believe how greedy characters can be.

2. Have Joey demonstrate some of his deadly arcane powers on innocent victims, then tell the PCs that the same will happen to them if they don't behave.

3. Whine. Tell your players that unless they go along with this module, the story will be wrecked, and that they wouldn't want that to happen because it has a "way cool" ending. Yes, I know that goes against everything you've ever read about good GMing. Sue me.

4. All of the above.

Hol Lot of Trouble

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© Copyright 1996 by Alderac Entertainment Group

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