The players were sent to one of four locations for the first reel. Unfortunately, with four scenes
running simultaneously, it's impossible for me to report all the
action in detail. I'll describe the scenes I ran, and anything I can remember about the others.
Howard directed a scene in which Nayland Smith and Biggles tangled with Fu Manchu's henchmen in a Chinese village. Nigel's scene took place in a park. Dave directed the "Caverns Under Chicago" scene. You didn't know there were caverns under Chicago? Well Howard assured us that he had thoroughly researched the subject.
"I saw it in a movie once, maybe," he stated confidently.
Dave's scene included Indiana Jones and his extended family, The Shadow and his agents, and some evil Nazis. I'm reliably informed that there was some fighting, a canoe ride, and the senseless murder of an innocent crocodile that was in the wrong place at the wrong time. It all ended with a big explosion.
Heart of the Congo
My scene took place in the heart of the Congo. The Phantom, his wolf Devil, some friendly pygmies, Tarzan, Jane, and Cheetah the chimpanzee were headed to the Lost City of the Crocodile Men to search for Dr. Zaius. Kasper Gutman, Joel Cairo, and Miss Wonderley were leading an expedition on behalf of Fu Manchu. Their mission -- get the crystal skull by any means necessary.
Both sides reached the Lost City (more of a village, really) at the same time. What an amazing coincidence! Both were surprised to learn that the Crocodile Men were not, as they had assumed, natives wearing crocodile skins, but rather a race of nasty lizardmen. The lizardmen moved swiftly to repel the invaders. Gutman sent his hired African spearmen to fight the lizardmen while he, Miss Wonderley, and Cairo tried to shoot their way to the pyramid, where the lizard shaman was guarding the crystal skull.
The Phantom, Devil and the pygmies also engaged the lizardmen. Cheetah's screeching distracted the lizardmen long enough for Tarzan to slip past them, leap atop one of the huts, and rescue Dr. Zaius. The doctor quickly explained the importance of the crystal skull, and begged the heroes to prevent it from falling into the hands of the villains.
The lizardmen, annoyed by Cheetah's antics, sent a swamp monster to kill the pesky chimpanzee. Cheetah vaulted onto the monster's back, driving the beast into a blind rage, then jumped to safety as it stampeded through the village, lashing the lizardmen with its tail and gobbling them up like they were popcorn shrimp.
On the other side of the village, Gutman was encountering heavy resistance. The lizardmen tried to roll a boulder onto the villains, but some spearmen prevented this with some well executed stabbing. Suddenly Joel Cairo went down with an arrow in his belly. Gutman tried everything he could think of to help Joel. He tried berating him, mocking him, threatening him, and did I mention berating him? Nothing seemed to work! Joel remained crumpled on the ground moaning.
"I think the arrow is poisoned" Joel gasped.
"Quit your excuses and get back to work, you lazy good for nothing" Gutman shot back. But the pep talk didn't work. Joel was out of action. Gutman and Miss Wonderley went back to shooting at the lizardmen, making little progress. The heroes seized the initiative.
Tarzan raced towards the pyramid but he was intercepted by a massive Stegadon with a howdah full
of lizardmen on its back. Tarzan jumped into the howdah and started
pitching the lizardmen out one by one, but he was losing precious
time.
The Phantom sprang into action, toppling a heavy stone obelisk onto the pyramid, squashing the luckless shaman. The crystal skull slipped from his claws and fell onto the steps of the pyramid. Cheetah raced up the obelisk to retrieve it but was forced back by a hail of bullets from Gutman and Miss Wonderley. Devil decided to try his luck. He dashed up the steps, dodging bullets, arrows, and javelins, and grabbed the skull, then ran the gauntlet again to deliver the skull to the Phantom. As the scene faded to black the triumphant heroes headed home, while Gutman and Miss Wonderley vented their frustration on poor Joel Cairo.
In the second reel the heroes attempt to intercept Fu Manchu's agents as they transport the crystal skulls to their master. Once again they chose one of four scenes. Howard directed a scene in the arctic, which included French Canadians with bad accents and a pack of Ice Trolls. Nigel directed an exciting scene involving a car chase between the heroes and the Nazis. At some point a group of nuns became involvied in the action. Dave's scene took place at an airport and ended when a fuel truck crashed and exploded. Dave appreciates a good explosion.
Arab Village
My scene was set in an Arab village. A group of cultists had acquired a skull and were guarding it until Fu Manchu's henchmen could arrive and take possession of it. The heroes in the scene were Indiana Jones, his father, Marion, Saleh, Short Round, Nayland Smith, Dr. Petrie, Karamanieh, Hercule Poirot, Captain Hastings, and Miss Lemmon. The cultists took the offensive but were driven back by heavy gunfire.
One of the cultists climbed onto the roof and tried to intimidate the Jones family with some fancy sword skills, but they'd seen that act before and put three bullets into him. He was dead before he hit the ground.
Smith, Petrie, and Karamanieh tried to get to the skull, but several well-armed cultists blocked their path. Just then Fu Manchu's Arab henchmen arrived to get the skull. Their forces included a cannon and a group of flying monkeys. The cult leader raised the skull over his head and mocked the heroes. Unfortunately for him Short Round had climbed onto the roof behind him and snatched the skull out of the leader's hands. Short Round ran for his life, with the flying monkeys in hot pursuit.
Smith, Petrie and Karamanieh fought a savage battle with the remaining cultists, giving the Jones clan time to escape. Short Round and the rest of the Jones family took refuge in a house, so the Arabs set up their cannon, planning to blast them out. As they loaded the cannon Miss Lemmon watched them intently, chose her moment carefully, and fired her pistol. The first shot scored a direct hit on the keg of gunpowder, setting off a massive explosion. The blast devastated the Arabs, leaving only one, pathetic, soot-covered survivor to watch helplessly as the heroes departed in triumph, and the scene faded to black.
Macho Pikachu
In the last reel Fu Manchu lures all the heroes to Macho Pikachu, the last surviving colony of Atlantis, located in the Amazon jungle. He plans to seize all the crystal skulls and use them to open the hall of records, giving him access to the secret wisdom of Atlantis. The heroes must find their way to Fu Manchu's headquarters located in a large Mayan pyramid.
Biggles was the first to arrive. Flying low over the jungle canopy he remained calm despite clipping several trees along the way.
"Ahhh yes, this reminds me of chapter two, page 87 of Biggles' Great Adventure" he said before crash-landing in the quicksand.
The rest of the heroes had to fight their way through the jungle, overcoming Amazons, Neanderthals, and headhunters. I directed the scene with the headhunters. The hostile natives were no match for Indiana Jones and Tarzan. They did pose a big problem, however, for Jeeves and Wooster. A large animated wooden Tiki idol appeared, threatening the pair.
"Sir, I fear we shall have to sacrifice the gin" Jeeves said, fashioning a Molotov cocktail. He succeeded in igniting the Tiki.
"Jeeves, tell me again why we're in the Amazon" Bertie said, completely befuddled as usual.
The situation got worse for the pair as the headhunters surrounded them and closed in for the kill. Bertie peered at them intently.
"You look awfully familiar...Tuppy!" Bertie exclaimed, realizing the headhunter chieftain was an old school chum.
Eventually all the heroes found their way to Fu Manchu's lair. They were surprised to find the
evil mastermind was expecting them. The heroes sat at a large
banquet table while Fu Manchu began his patented "conquer
the world" speech. He was suddenly interrupted.
"If you don't stop talking mean I'll throw a banana at you!" shouted Cheetah the chimpanzee, suddenly gaining the power of speech. Fu Manchu was irritated by the interruption.
"Who brought the spunky monkey?" he demanded.
Cheetah hurled a banana at the master criminal. Fu Manchu recoiled in horror, toppling over backward in his ornate chair. The heroes reacted immediately. Biggles jumped up and swung from a chandelier. The Shadow tried to grab all the skulls for himself. Jeeves, always the practical one, picked up a silver salver and bonked Fu Manchu over the head. Fu's masked minions rushed into the room to save their leader and meal ticket. It was at this point that someone (blame would later be pinned on Indy) took out a stick of dynamite, lit the fuse, and then clumsily dropped it.
After the inevitable explosion ended the game we passed out our own version of the Academy Award to all the players. Their brilliant performances had made the game one to remember. Hopefully some of them will be back again, next year, for the sequel.
More Crystal Skulls of Atlantis Filmed on Location at Historicon 2003
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© Copyright 2003 by Matt Fritz.
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