How not to get invited back to someone's house for a game

1) Don't bring enough beer, but make sure to drink everyone else's! (You should always leave one for the host, especially at my place.)

2) Gloat when you win, let everyone know how brilliant you thought you were and point out all of the stupid mistakes the host made during the game. (You should agree with the host that, yes, it definitely was the dice that decided the game in your favor.)

3) Be loud, boisterous and obnoxious, all wargamers wives, and family love this at 3 A.M. (Be courteous, even if angry enough to toss the table, wait until you're in your car on the way home, then go nuts.)

4) Drop the host's prize-winning figures on his cement basement floor. (Admire figures with your eyes, not your hands.)

5) Complain about the poor lighting, lousy table, no place to sit, crummy rules, etc. (Don't be a poor loser)

6) Smoke nickel cigars or K-Mart pipe tobacco all night. (Please leave the house in no worse condition than when you arrived.)

7) Borrow a book, preferably valuable, and return it with coffee rings and pizza stains all over it. (If you're this big a slob, BUY YOUR OWN BOOKS!)

8) Laugh at the host's paint job. (Yes, I've seen this, poor manners indeed.)

9) Keep drawing the conversation and interest away from the game --- keep talking about your favorite football team... all night long. (Try to keep enthusiastic, make the game interesting by being involved.)

10) Show up two hours late and be upset that they started without you and demand to start the game from the beginning. (This type of ego belongs in Washington!)

11) Insist that it's too late to go home and borrow his couch for the night, burn a hole in it with a cigarette. (This has happened. Don't drink so much!)

12) Stay out in the driveway after the game and watch the sun come up, loudly explicating on your tactics with whoever will listen. (Even the family dog has something to say at this time of the morning!)

Part 2