Lesson Six Aggressiveness Vs. Assertiveness We all have things about ourselves that we want to protect. But we are not mind readers so we don't know where other people boundaries are. If someone else's boundary gets in our way, we can be aggressive or assertive to reach our goal. Aggressiveness means invading someone else's space to get to our goal. Aggression makes other people fight back or get even later. Assertiveness means setting you own boundary but not crossing another person's boundary. No attacking the other person means they are not your enemy. They may even help you if you ask. Aggression - Demanding bullying threatening taking destroying getting defensive Assertion - Say hello ask for help listening offering to help accepting help THE GAME: RENAISSANCE CAVALRY VS PIKE THE KNIGHTS Medieval mounted knights lived by a code of chivalry. To do good to the weak and to be loyal to their leaders. They charged into battle in heavy armor with lances. Only another knight or a very well ordered group of men could hold in the face of the shock. THE PIKEMEN Townsmen have learned to fight knights using long spears called pikes. It takes a lot of team work. As long as they stand together the knights can't touch them. THE RENAISSANCE SPANISH The Spanish conquered and plundered half of the world. With soldiers who fought like no one since the Romans. They used muskets to break up their opponents before charging them with pikes. Victories made the Spanish proud and arrogant. They know it all! THE RENAISSANCE FRENCH The French rely more on muskets than pikes. They were more open to change than the Spanish. They learn from their defeats. One of the things they have learned is that well fed men fight better - so they always have store houses near the battle field to keep their soldiers full. Lesson Seven How to Ask for Help It is hard to ask for help. We never know if it will make us look stupid. We take a risk because if we need help, and don't ask for it, we won't get it. Testing the waters - Sometimes I can check to see how helpful people are before I talk to them. I look at them. Are they smiling? Making eye contact? Saying hello? If yes - then the water is warm. If they look angry, avoid eye contact or cut me off then the water is cold. Mentally rehearse before asking for help. I Imagine what I will say before I approach them. Be direct - I ask for what I want. "Will you do X for me?" When I beat around the bush, people think that I'm testing the water - not making a request. It has to be okay for them to say no! If it isn't then I'm not making a request I'm making a demand. People hate this! After asking for help. It is uncomfortable to ask for help. Take a while after doing this to calm yourself down. Get your feet on the ground again before moving forward. THE GAME: ROLE PLAY The players are a group of space tourists who have just entered a large alien feast. They are hungry and wish to be seated. They players must figure out how to get a place at the table. It might be helpful to use snacks in this session. This game offers a good opportunity to reward players who share. Back to Table of Contents -- Matrix Gamer #26 To Matrix Gamer List of Issues To MagWeb Master Magazine List © Copyright 2001 by Chris Engle. This article appears in MagWeb (Magazine Web) on the Internet World Wide Web. Other military history articles and gaming articles are available at http://www.magweb.com