People know how "in control" someone is by how relaxed they are. By how easily they start and end conversations. Cool and in control is attractive but only when combined with being open and friendly. Staying loose means being able to "engage" and "disengage" people easily. How do we engage people? Smile - It puts people at ease. Make eye contact - Looking engages, looking away disengages. Not looking away is staring - don't stare! Say hello - This engages, saying goodbye disengages. Make small talk - Speaking engages but listening really engages. We can change topics and eventually end the conversation (disengage). When we fell a little tense its time to disengage. People get tense during uncomfortable silences. You can fill the silence by forcing talk or end the conversation. Look away to let them know you need to go. Say goodbye - I'll see you later - good talking to you. If they keep talking, say - I need to let you go now and walk away. If they follow you, you may need to be more direct - We're done talking. I'll see you later. Then walk off. In control, people engage and disengage many times a day but never stay too long anywhere. Staying too long bores people. THE GAME: ROLE PLAY The players take on the roles of a group of tourists who have just landed on an alien planet. They must pass through customs and a crowd of pushy locals to get to the best tourist attraction in the galaxy. Back to Table of Contents -- Matrix Gamer #26 To Matrix Gamer List of Issues To MagWeb Master Magazine List © Copyright 2001 by Chris Engle. This article appears in MagWeb (Magazine Web) on the Internet World Wide Web. Other military history articles and gaming articles are available at http://www.magweb.com