by Punch
LORD CHELMSFORD, before entering on the Zulu "campaign," published a handy little pamphlet for the information of his officers and men, in which he gave rules for conducting hostilities in Africa. From the desponding and doleful tone of some of his recent dispatches, his Lordship's retirement from his comand seems not an impossible contingency. It would be a pity if his Lordship should carry out this intention till he has appended an additional chapter to his instructive and (when followed) no doubt useful brochure: something to this effect: -- Chapter Last Having carefully perused and mastered the above rules for successfully engaging the Zulus, all that now remains will be deliberately march in their teeth. Knowing that a strongly fortified camp is the key and nucleus of defense against this vigilant and active enemy, the commanding officer should quietly move off with the bulk of his force, leaving the tents unentrenched, and the waggons parked "in laager." He may, at the same time, send orders that the camp is to be defended. If the enemy presents himself, he cannot do wrong to follow him up. It will be time enough when the enemy proves himself a Will-o-the-Wisp, whose object has been to mislead and draw away the opposing force, to treat him accordingly. While advancing, he had beeter not weaken his force by detaching scouting or recon parties, and should turn a deaf ear to all such disquieting reports as that firing is going on in the direction ofthe camp he has left behind. There will be no harm if, in order to show his sense of responsibility of his position, he later in the day orders one of his Staff to go to the top of a hill with a telescope and look towards the camp. He will, of course, be satisfied by the Staff officer, "that he thinks it is all right." If late in the evening he sees reason to suspect that the enemy have been playing him a trick, as savages will, his best course will probably be to fall back upon his camp, and should he find the camp destroyed and stores pundered and its defenders slaughtered to a man, it will be his duty to put up with this extremely disagreeable state of things with all the equanimity he can command. Now is the time for extreme caution. Should there be reason to conclude the enemy is moving off, and that he must be encumbered withspoil, the best plan willl be to let him pass unmolested. On the others hand, should he come upon a handful of men who have held a position of utmost importance agaist overwhelming odds for a long winter's night, he may safely, "thank them very much." After this, he should lose no time in instituting a strinct Official Inquiry how the mischief has come about. Should it be proved by "supplementary testimony" (furnished by officers of his own personal Staff) that the Commander-in-Chief is not responsible, and that someone else has been to blame, all the better for the Commander-in-Chief, and all the worse for somebody else. Should the Colonists chafe, andthe indignant British Lion growl, he may suggest that an officer of rank should be sent out immediately to assist him, and if need be, to take his place. He may at the same time remember that for a very long time he has not been at all well. Lastly, should the growl of the British Lion get so loud as to be annoying, if he feels that more responsibility is being thrown upon his than he should bear, there will be nothing for it but to pack up his cocked hat and writing desk and come home! Back to The Heliograph #104 Table of Contents Back to The Heliograph List of Issues Back to Master Magazine List © Copyright 1997 by Richard Brooks. This article appears in MagWeb (Magazine Web) on the Internet World Wide Web. |