To the Editor; Dear Sir:

As you know, August is the 79th anniversary of Tannu-Tuva's Independence. Tuvan Independence Day plays a very large role in our life out here on this small island in the Pacific Ocean. Once, we too were a theocracy (God Save Queen Victoria!) but all that has changed now. Captured political prisoners no longer have their hearts torn out on the steps of the Legislature. Ritual cannibalism is no longer practised in places of worship on the Sabbath. Fermented marmot's milk is no longer served in the local public houses. Now we celebrate this day of freedom from the tyrannical yolk of Easter eggs with a feast around a ceremonial yurt, and a symbolic but nevertheless dadaesque game of buzkashi.

Not that long ago (reckoned in geological time) the year started with the month of April. Now it's a well-known fact that a government at rest tends to stay at rest, and a government in motion is inherently unstable and returns to rest immediately, which explains why the government's fiscal year still goes from the start of April to the end of March. Anyway, the Romans came along and, before you could say: "Veni, Vidi, DaVinci", the year started in January instead.

Now if we were to revert to the original schema with April I` being the start of the new Year , then we'd have to move April Fool' s Day to the first day of July. But Julius Caesar told his publicity firm to stick his month before Augustus' month, and so he jumped the queue a bit instead of going to the end. If we now correct this little contretemps, April Fool's Day should properly occur on the first day of August.

I am pleased to announce that the world's very first game depicting the exhilarating liberation of Tannu-Tuva from the spineless lick-spittle Theocrats is in its final stages of development and will be ready for publication and distribution any day now. And if you preorder before too long, you will receive, absolutely free and with no charge (other than the $11.95 postage cost) an 8-track tape jampacked with many rousing throat-songs of Tannu-Tuva, both of which are in stunning and lifelike hi-fi. But hurry, there are only a limited number of these tapes available. and after all 37,500 are gone, the offer will no longer be valid.

Hah hah! April Fools!

Kulaman the Magnificrnt