Ask him how he feels. If he says wonderful, great, or fine it is NOT Renwa! Renwa is always more than willing to complain about the aches and pains of adventuring, riding or just strolling around town inflict on his old bones. If you do ask, you are guaranteed to hear all about his latest health problem and sore joints. In many cases you'll get to hear all about it without even asking. Renwa's never been one to hide how he feels. A Slightly Intoxicated History of Renwa Wurlitzer, First Paladin of Heimdall

Ahh, where to begin? Well, I suppose the beginning might be a decent place. After all one can always find it if you're really willing to look. Can't possibly start at the end as I'm still alive and have only a slight idea of what tomorrow might bring. And whereas the beginning actually exists; the end is always hidden from our prying eyes, kept secret until it is too late to avoid.

The middle is right out. 'Cause the last time I started a story in the middle and then went forward and backward at the same time, I was practically lynched by the rowdy patrons of the tavern. These young whippersnapper adventures got no respect for their elders! In case you couldn't tell by my appearance, or thought some harrowing experience had left my hair white, my face wrinkled, and my body stooped, let me tell you that I've earned every one of these wrinkles!

But to some extent it was a harrowing experience. Life often is. But it's accumulation of 66 years on this plane that is responsible for my current condition. Let's harken back to the day before I became the First Paladin of Heimdall. Back when I was a young, strapping lad full of energy and adventure. I was quite a lady's man in my prime, and I'm glad to say I haven't lost my touch of the many years since. And the barmaid's derriere is a lovely touch indeed. Hey, don't bustle off mad. Just 'cause I'm old doesn't mean you can't vent with a slap to the face. Ow! Much better.

I grew up the fourth son of a farmer in a land of no particular note. From an early age I worked out in the fields and pens of the Wurlitzer family farm. We all began work at dawn and toiled straight through till dusk just to make ends meet. The work was often strenuous, but never was my noggin taxed. Well, unless I was stupid enough to fall on it. Hee, hee.

During the tedious work my mind would wonder, which is still does at times. Once I was fighting an irate young green dragon and my mind began to wonder while in the midst of a charge on my faithful mount, Frost. He's been with me for a long time now and, although he's not as quick and strong as he used to be, and no longer fearless in battle, he's still a better companion than half the people I've adventured with. Frost's also smarter than a few of them as well. Well, the dragon lets out a huge billowing cloud of foul yellowish gas and Frost stops dead in his tracks just in time to avoid most of the cloud.

Since I wasn't paying any attention to what was going on at that moment, I was transformed into a human projectile! As quick as a wink I was sailing harmlessly over that cloud of deadly gas clutching my lance. It wasn't until the gar from the lance lodging deep in the dragon's head that I was jerked back to reality. You should've seen the look on that dragon's face!

Now, where was I? Ah, thanks. Yes, my mind did wander during the routine of the farm. It often went to the exciting and glamorous life of a knight in shining armor. I longed to be a knight myself. Free from the farm. Wandering wherever I pleased. Smiting the evil in the land. Saving the maidens in distress. Distressing the maids in waiting! Saving the defenseless little forest creatures. Ahh, I thought that was the life.

Really, anything would have done if it got me away from the unchanging tasks and tribulations of life on a family farm. Sure there was the occasional excitement from loose animals, hail storms, locust plagues, gods popping in for visits, et. al., but for the most part it was as dull as the dirt we plowed.

My dreams sustained me for many a year. Between them, my brother and sisters, and the sheep; life was barely maintained throughout my-childhood. I longed for adventure, but never did much about it. As I entered that awkward stage between child and adult (or in my case, more responsible child) the urge and desire to adventure was just too damn strong. I could not continue to toil away for naught and I began plotting and looking for my opportunity to leave.

When a noble knight and his entourage actually stopped at our humble farm to buy food I was ready and made my move. I summoned up all my strength of a dozen years and snuck up next to the knight himself. Then I did the only thing I could think of. I begged him to take me with him until no one could put up with me any longer and agreed to it. He took me in as an apprentice page. Finally I was off toward a life of excitement and high adventure, or so I thought.

We'll skip over how much of a let down being an apprentice page was. Suffice it to say that being at the bottom you have a tendency to let a lot of crap. Mostly I took care of the animals. Much as I had at the farm I never got to go anywhere, but I did hear all the adventures of the knights through the few that really cared for their mounts. I became wonderful friends with Idbee. Although he wasn't a true knight in the sense of shining armor and charging about on horses, he always went on the big outings. He had a great affinity with animals and told me much about the lands surrounding the castle. Between those few knights that'd talk to me and my still wandering mind, I managed to escape the hard conditions of being an apprentice to pages.

In a few years I was promoted to page myself. I got to travel at times with the knights and see all sorts of wonders, creatures, and foreign lands I had never seen before even dreamed of. Often I was still left back at the castle, but almost as often I was sent all alone on errands for Idbee or one of the knights. Ahh, to once again be racing through the open country and forest on a strong steed! Not plodding along while feeling every jar and misstep as a pain shoots through my old joints and bones. Those were the good old days. Just a few tough individuals pitting themselves against the rugged, untamed land. And the knights in shining armor from the nearby castle protecting them in times of great peril and taxing them not matter what the time.

After what seemed like an eternity of years as a page, working and hoping to do more and be more, I was finally made a squire. Only a few more steps to my goal of being one of those knights in shining armor! Being constantly on the road with the major company of knights, the excitement never seemed to cease. The years so far had been kind to me and I was still at the peak of my abilities.

It was very fortunate since the main reason the excitement never ended was because of the short life expectancy of squires! If not for a little luck and lots of quick footwork I would have had more excitement than I cared for. It's amazing what scrapes you can get out of with a little smarts and a lot of luck. Before long I was one of Zanloven's several squires. Zanloven was the noble knight that had taken over the castle after the death of the knight who had originally taken me on.

It turned out we were both in our mid-twenties and had a similar thirst for adventure. For all the fun and joy I was having working with Zanloven, dark times were afoot. A maurding band of ogres has wandered into our land and were destroying and plundering all they came across. They destroyed the Wurlitzer family farm. My entire family was wiped out in the brutal attack including my youngest sister who had recently given in to the adventuring bug herself. I had never talked much to my family. They just didn't understand the lure of adventure that was so strong in my heart. But I still loved them, especially my kindred sister.

I vowed a complete and total destruction of the ogres who had taken so much from me. We eventually caught up with the ogres and I got my chance. I slew many in that great battle, but my rage was only slightly appeased. That battle left its fair share of scars on me and the entire complement of the castle, especially Zanloven. He lost his main squire, his son, on that dread day. Afterwards I took the position of his main squire and together we got through that bad situation. We became the closest friends there ever were. If not for the encouragement, commiseration, and companionship of Zanloven, I'm not sure how I would have faired. And I'm sure that he feels the same way.

We stuck together through thick and thin in the years to come. We pulled each other out of innumerable scrapes and tight spots. I still vividly recall the time some there odd years ago when the two of us were out for a talk and stroll. What should we stumble across but a very old and very confused green dragon! Obviously confused since this area was well trafficked and close to the castle of a powerful company of knights. That and it'd just breathed on a large clump of oblivious asparagus gone to seed. Being unarmored and unarmed we, of course, tried to sneak out before it spotted us. Unfortunately its sense of smell wasn't as dulled as its eyesight and the great head swiveled to squint in our general direction. It examined us closely as we slowly backed away.

Luckily for us, to some extent, we fell down a narrow hole in the ground into an underground cavern just before it lunged at us. The gaping maw snapped shut on empty air where we had just been standing a split second before. Now the dragon was more confused than ever and getting quite annoyed at losing two choice morsels.

(To be continued)

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