I am the very model of a modern Major-General, I've information vegetable, animal and mineral; I know the Kings of England, and I quote the fights historical, From Marathon to Waterloo, in order categorical; I'm very well aquainted too with matters mathematical. I understand equations, both the simple and quadratical, About binomial theorem I am teeming with a lot of news - With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse. I am very good at integral and differential calculus, I know the scientific names of beings animalculous; In short, in matters vegetable, animal and mineral, I am the very model of a modern Major-General. I know our mythic history, King Arthur's and Sir Carradock's, I answer hard acrostic, I've a pretty taste for paradox. I quote in elegaics all the crimes of Heliogabalus, In conics I can floor peculiarities parabolus. I can tell undoubted Raphaels from Gerald Dows and Zoffanies, I know the croaking chorus from the "Frogs" of Aristophanies. Then I can hum a gugue of which I've heard the music's din 'afore, And whistle all the airs from that infernal nonsense "Pinafore". Then I can write a washing bill in Babylonic cuneiform, And tell you every detail of Caractacus's uniform; In short, in matters vegetable, animal and mineral, I am the very model of a modern Major-General. In fact, when I know what is meant by mamelon and ravelin, When I can tell at sight a Mauser rifle from a javelin, When such affairs as sorties and surprises I'm more wary at, And when I know precisely what is meant by commissariat, When I have learned what progress has been made in modern gunnery, When I know more of tactics than a novice in a Nunnery; In short, when I've a smattering of elemental strategy, You'll say a better Major-General has never sat a gee - For my military knowledge, 'though I'm plucky and adventury, Has only been brought down to the beginning of the Century; But still in matters vegetable, animal and mineral, I am the very model of a modern Major-General. Written by W.S.Gilbert (who had a friend called Sullivan) some 80 years ago. Back to Table of Contents -- Wargamer's Newsletter # 165 To Wargamer's Newsletter List of Issues To MagWeb Master Magazine List © Copyright 1975 by Donald Featherstone. This article appears in MagWeb (Magazine Web) on the Internet World Wide Web. Other military history articles and gaming articles are available at http://www.magweb.com