General: Leaps tall buildings with a single bound. Is more powerful than a steam engine, is faster than a speeding bullet. Gives policy to GOD. Colonel: Leaps short buildings with a single bound. Is more powerful than a shunting engine. Is just as fast as a speeding bullet. Walks on water, if the sea is calm. Talks with GOD. Lt. Colonel: Leaps short buildings with a running start in favourable winds. Is almost as powerful as a speeding bullet. Walks on water in indoor swimming pools. Talks with GOD if special request is approved. Major: Barely clears a nissen hut. Loses tug-of-war with a steam engine. Can fire a speeding bullet, and swims well. Is occasionally addressed by GOD. Captain: Makes high marks when trying to leap tall buildings. Is run over by trains. Can sometimes handle a gun without inflicting self injury. Dogpaddles, talks to animals. Lieutenant: Runs into tall buildings. Recognises trains two out of three times. Is not issued with ammunition. Can stay afloat if properly instructed in the use of a life jacket. Talks to walls. 2nd Lieutenant: Falls over doorsteps while trying to enter buildings. Says "Look at Choo Choo". Is NEVER issued with a gun or ammunition. Plays in mud puddles. Mumbles to himself. Sgt. Major: Lifts tall buildings and walks under them. Kicks steam-engines off the track. Catches speeding bullets in his teeth and eats them. Freezes water with a single glance. HE IS GOD! Back to Table of Contents -- Wargamer's Newsletter # 152 To Wargamer's Newsletter List of Issues To MagWeb Master Magazine List © Copyright 1974 by Donald Featherstone. This article appears in MagWeb (Magazine Web) on the Internet World Wide Web. Other military history articles and gaming articles are available at http://www.magweb.com