I very rarely see movies on opening day. It has to be very, very special to move me from in front of the computer to in front of a movie screen. It's not that I don't like movies--I certainly do. It's just that movies are often more of a hassle to get to and see (crowds and lines and driving), and more often than not disappointing (stupid plots, gratuitous sex and violence, and unabashed rip-offs of previous movies). I tend to see them after a few weeks when lines are shorter, during the day when patrons are fewer, and often as part of doing something else.

But a movie about Lord of the Rings is one of those things that got me out, about, and into a movie on opening day at 11am--sorry, I'm not that much of a fanatic that I need to see a midnight showing.

The last Lord of the Rings was, I believe, by Ralph Bakshi in the mid-to-late 1970s, and was, I can definitely say, a disappointment. In fact, it did so poorly, and rightly so, that Part II never was made. Also rightly so.

But this was a new Lord of the Rings with new state-of-the-art special effects and a big $300 million for three films budget. The previews looked great and quotes saying they'd remain faithful to the book(s) abounded.

Sceptic that I am, this sounded like typical Hollywood "front-loading." Front-loading is one of those terms that basically pump up the hype to get a big opening weekend. And movies need a big opening weekend or else they don't stick around for another week. It makes people want to attend the movie not to see a movie, but to attend an "event," as if seeing a movie is some sort of pretigious perk of life. That's why, at least this year, you saw big opening numbers for many movies, and steep drop offs once word of mouth got out that it was a turkey.

And, barring the odd exception, Hollywood does a crappy job of adapting books to movies--as if the screenwriters think they can do better than the original author. But enough about the illiterate pabulum that usually oozes from Hollywood's mediocre machine, where lowest common denominator usually means the average 5-year-old who appreciates a multitude of potty jokes.

Back to the Movie Review

A thousand Tolkien fanatic websites with no doubt dissect every line and nuance. I'm not.

What I am going to do is write two reviews. This one, for those who have yet to see the movie, and another linked at the end for those that have, or, for those who want to know the movie plot. Sure, it's supposed to follow the book, but you know how that goes...

If you haven't seen the movie, the short review is: see it. The film is as good as the previews, the movie will give you a good sense of the book, and the actors are good enough to pull the whole thing off. It's a long movie--three hours. However, the first 20 minutes was taken up by commercials (the most despicable thing to happen to movie going--and another thing that really ticks me off. Who allowed theater owners to waste my time showing me TV commercials and Powerpoint slide advertisements? A few previews are A-OK, but car commercials? Rat bastards!) and previews.

My advice? Go to the bathroom during this rancid pabulum. Your bladder will thank you two and a half hours later. There are no breaks or intermissions in the film.

And that's all you really need to know, other than I rate this movie a 9 out of 10. Just two days ago, I read a quote from the director who seemed to chastise Tolkien fans with a statement something to the effect of: "I won't let the book stand in the way of a good movie." That's not an exact quote, but close enough to the intent of his quote. I got nervous. For naught, though, as the film stayed delightfully close to the book.

MagWeb.com's Tibor Vari said after seeing it, "Well! All I need is a 15-minute break and I'm ready for the second one!" And yes, I agree with that statement.

Detailed Review

OK, so the above review doesn't tell you much, but then again, you're already innundated with more than you need to know from other sources. What follows is a more detailed account of the movie and opinions about what I saw, how I perceived plot points, and what was in and out of the film versus the book.

WARNING! WARNING!

If you do NOT want detailed analysis, then DO NOT CLICK ON THE LINK until after you have seen the movie. I don't like people telling me all the details before I see a movie. So, click no further if you wish to remain ignorant of details. You have been warned...

Detailed Review: Lord of the Rings