Purely for fun. Send us any comedy you have relating to miniature wargaming. 1. Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than you are. 2. No battle plan ever survives contact with the enemy. Field Marshall Helmuth Carl Bernard von Moltke. 3. Friendly fire ain't. 4. The most dangerous thing in the combat zone is an officer with a map. 5. The problem with taking the easy way out is that the enemy already has it mined. 6. The buddy system is essential to your survival; it gives the enemy somebody else to shoot at. 7. The further you are in advance of your own positions, the more likely your artillery will shoot short. 8. Incoming fire has the right of way. 9. If your advance is going well, you are walking into an ambush. 10. The quartermaster has only two sizes, too small and too large. 11. If you really need an officer in a hurry, take a nap. 12. The only time suppressive fire works is when it is used on abandoned positions 13. The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire. 14. There's nothing more satisfying than someone shooting at you, and missing. 15. Don't be conspicuous. In the combat zone, it draws fire. Out of the combat zone, it draws sergeants. 16. If your sergeant can see you, so can the enemy. 17a. Never worry about the bullet with your name on it. Instead, worry about shrapnel addressed to 'occupant'; 17b. Its not the bullet with your name on it that's the problem. It's the one marked "to whom it may concern". 18a. All battles are fought at the junction of two or more map sheets...printed at different scales; 18b. All battles are fought uphill; 18c. All battles are fought in the rain. 19. Logistics is the ball and chain of armored warfare. Heinz Guderian 20. The army with the smartest dress uniform will lose. Back to Tornado Alert #33 Table of Contents Back to Tornado Alert List of Issues Back to MagWeb Magazine List © Copyright 1998 by Tornado Alert! This article appears in MagWeb (Magazine Web) on the Internet World Wide Web. Other military history articles and gaming articles are available at http://www.magweb.com