In the past we have had far too much frivolity and pointlessness in the game - you have all suffered needlessly and this year there has to be a different approach. Therefore I propose a very serious and thought provoking game, where the statistical outcomes can be calculated in advance, a real challenging strategy game simple, yet with tremendous depth.

It gives me therefore no end of pleasure to present to you a set of rules that I commend to you as giving the depth and playability we so zealously seek.

Gentlemen, here is the final word on wargaming: Tara ta ra ra ra RA.

Being a set of rules devised late at night by Stuart Wilson, a Hamster (Hamsters are people too) and a gentleman.

LEGOWARS............. (Or Harry Potter and the temple of doom)

First the Premise

Legowars represents state of the art wargaming theory -- accurately modelled figures move round a detailed and superbly sculptured battlefield executing manoeuvres and stratagems that realistically mirror real life tactical situations -- for instance when your arm is ripped off you cease to be able to attack twice (until of course you find a replacement arm) - also separation of the head from the torso is final -- UNLESS another head is located and fixed on to the torso by friendly troops. This sort of structure easily puts these conceptual ideas above the normal "bang bang" your dead wargaming. Enough of the pre-amble. Here are the rools, no that's rhules, oh bugger, ruuls, rules - there that's better....

INISHITIVE, (or "initiative" for the hard of hearing)

Initiative, or who goes first in any round is the one rolling the highest d6.

Everyone else takes turns clockwise from the first player.

MOVEMENT

Foot - 6"
Horseback - 9"
Ski troops - 9"
Vehicle - 12"

Aircraft - limitless - in the air. Landing and take-off takes one turn and the aircraft needs a clear run of 24" to do either. Landing is hazardous - a roll of one indicates the aircraft suffered damage during landing - bounces dreadfully & crashes horribly (the plane should be dropped vertically from a height of 23.65" to represent this crash - N.B. the drop location is chosen by The Playing Player - who shall henceforth be known as TPP).

Dismounting/mounting takes 1/2 a move.

NOTE: Troops can climb and move forward a total distance of 6" measured diagonally with an accurate and NON STRETCHING tape measure.

DAMAGE

Lego figures can sustain damage through being shot, attacked violently or through accident (players hands and elbows can also be very deadly to small plastic figures).

In all cases the damage suffered is represented by the removal of an item carried by the figure - either a hat, helmet, visor, shield, aqualung, weapon, etc. or by the removal of part of the body e.g. the removal of an arm - or in the worst case the figures head. These items are placed in dead pool and may NOT BE USED AGAIN. Replacement items, limbs etc. can be re-fixed to the figure if there are such items available. Each figure may carry as many items as the figure can carry WITHOUT THE FIGURE ACTUALLY FALLING OVER.

Note: loss of the head means the figure has actually to stop moving - yes this is nasty but then that's life, or rather Lego. If a replacement head is located then the figure can be brought back to "life" (please be aware that Lego figures do not actually live - per se.) - provided the head is carried to the figure. It takes a full move to fit a replacement head or any other replacement limb - picking up an item takes no time at all.

Some items allow the figure to make a saving throw -- more about this later under "B'stard shooting and B'stard close combat rules".

B'STARD SHOOTING RULES

There are 2 levels of shooting, conventional weapons and b'stard weapons.

All conventional weapons cause damage to a figure on a dice roll of 4,5 or 6.

Conventional weapons rules are as follows:

Pistol - 6"
Rifle - 12"

A cover save of 5,6 may be claimed by any figure lurking behind cover. All shooting must take account of line of sight. (I can see it now, Mark with his little laser pointer flashing line of sight all over the place).

Saving throws can be made for figures using head and shoulder ablative armour (space suits/fireman's outfits) these allow a save of a 5 or 6 from a conventional weapon (this is NOT in addition to any cover save).

B'stard shooting weapons are ray guns, odd looking ray gun things, things that might be ray guns and magical weapons such as a magic wand.

Each time a "new" odd looking weapon is tried out (on an opponent) a d6 is rolled - this establishes the bastard nature of this weapon and any other similar looking weapons for the rest of the game. (NB this table EXCLUDES magic wands such as used by H. Potter, Wizards etc.)

Dice roll & effect, b'stard weapon.

1 - oh dear a right b'stard - it is a funky looking can opener
2 - Effect as conventional weapon - range 24"
3 - Range as rifle BUT causes damage on anything but a 1 (ooh mummy)
4 - Area effect weapon, use warhammer 40K flame template - anything under the template receives damage on a 4,5 or 6
5 - Bloody hell, range 24", d6 hits on a single target each hit causes damage on a 4,5 or 6
6 - Oh dear a right b'stard - 6 shots at pistol range -- damage on a 4,5,or 6

Magic wands are rolled for EACH time they are used -- they have a variable impact, but are generally nasty.....

Dice roll and effect, Magic Wand,

1 - Bounce effect - hits d6 figures, roll a random direction dice to determine "who is next".
2 - a single hit on ANY target in sight, damage on a 4,5 or 6
3 - d6 hits spread around any target(s) within 12", damage on a 4,5 or 6
4 - 2 hits on a single target in sight, damage on a 4,5 or 6
5 - 1 hit on an target with 24", damage on anything but a 1.
6 - automatic damage on any target within sight.

B'STARD CLOSE COMBAT RULES

There are 4 levels of close combat, bare fist, improvised weapon, proper weapon and b'stard weapon.

Bare fists cause damage on a d6 role of a 6.

Head butts cause damage on a d6 role of a 6 (head butts can only be used in the instance of "no hands").

Improvised weapons (anything in the hand that is not a recognised weapon or b'stard weapon) cause damage on a 5 or 6.

Proper weapons cause damage on a 4, 5 or a 6.

A figure can use both hands, for two attacks, but gets -1 to hit (note: a die role of a 6 always hits).

Double handed weapons (improvised or proper) add +1 to hit.

Saving throws are allowed as follows:

Shield, helmet or other armour 6 on a d6. Add 1 to the save for each extra armour piece worn/used up to a maximum of a 4,5,6 save.

B'stard weapons are those things which do not resemble conventional weapons but lack an evident ranged ability (no strange sighting mechanism or trigger to pull).

Each time a "new" odd looking weapon is tried out (on an opponent) a d6 is rolled - this establishes the b'stard nature of this weapon & any other similar looking weapons for the rest of the game.

Dice roll & effect, b'stard weapon

1 - Oh dear a right b'stard - it breaks on first use, causes single damage to the user
2 - Oh sh*t it is a proper weapon after all
3 - Oh you beauty, causes damage on anything but a 1
4 - Area effect weapon, anything in base to base contact (friend or foe) receives damage on a 4,5 or 6
5 - Bloody hell, d6 hits on a single target each hit causes damage on a 4,5 or 6
6 - oh dear a right b'stard - automatic damage to target.

VEHICLES

A vehicle must move its full move in a straight line each turn. It can be pointed in any direction at the beginning of the turn. Only big Immovable things stop a vehicle moving its full move.

Any Lego figure wearing a crash helmet can drive a vehicle. The Playing Player (TPP) is requested to make realistic engine noises and suitable tyre squeals when moving a vehicle. This is not entirely necessary - but I thought it might liven up a dull afternoon......

Crashing a vehicle into another Lego figure causes a single automatic damage.

Crashing the vehicle into a big IMMOVABLE thing causes a single automatic damage onto the driver and passengers and breaks the vehicle.

Shooting at cars is done the same way as shooting at anything else -- cars cannot claim cover, they are too big and are not very good at ducking down.

If hit & damaged (on a 4,5 or 6) then a d6 is rolled:

1 - Car explodes and everyone within 12" gets a single damage
2 - Car veers out of control - heads at full speed in entirely random direction until the car crashes.
3 - Car stops
4 - Car unaffected - passenger or driver takes a damage
5 - Car heads straight ahead for 3 full moves then stops
6 - Car jumps 12" in the air then drops down at a place chosen by the TPP (this simulates total stupidity in rule sets). All Lego figures clouted by the falling car, passengers etc. receive d6 damage each.

Once the car has been damaged it can be fixed - but only by a Lego figure wearing a baseball cap and wielding a spanner. This takes one full turn.

PLANES

Any Lego figure wearing a leather flying helmet can fly the plane.

The plane needs a clear 24" to take off -- see previous idiotic rules. (landing and take off takes a full move)

Once airborne the playing player (TPP) may move the plane where they like. The Playing Player (TPP) is requested to make realistic plane noises when moving the plane and to imitate the sounds of bombs dropping as appropriate. Again as in the vehicle rules these noises are not mandatory - but what the hell we were all kids once, no twice, errr - I think I still am a kid.....

Planes can bomb, (a single bomb run can be made each turn) - this is represented by The Playing Player (TPP) dropping 6 normal Lego bricks from @ 12" above table height as he dextrously moves the plane across the table whilst making it is hoped excellent and stimulating sound effects. Any Lego figure hit by these bricks takes a single damage.

Shooting at planes can be done AT ANY TIME any of the players may halt the plane in motion and have a shot. Only those weapons with a range 12" or above can hit the plane and the plane has to be in range (ish). A d6 roll of a 5 or 6 is needed to damage the plane. This counts as additional shooting and does not effect the players normal turns. N.B. A 5 or a 6 is needed to hit the plane in any normal turn.

The plane has a save of a 4, 5 or 6 IF The Playing Player (TPP) who is playing the plane has been making plane and bombing noise effects.

If a plane is damaged then roll a d6.

1) - Plane crashes (from @ 12" up) at a spot designated by TPP - pilot & anyone hit by falling plane gets a damage point.
2) - Plane & pilot Transfers ownership to the next player on the left
3) - Plane & pilot Transfers ownership to the next player on the right
4) - no effect
5) - Plane breaks up & crashes (use your imagination - this is Lego for goodness sakes)
6) - Pilot bales out, plane crashes at a RANDOMLY DETERMINED POINT. Pilot is unable to move or react for a full move (he is stunned to still be alive).

MORALE

Are you serious ???

WINNING & LOSING

Huh ???

THE END