In our post-Origins delirium, Rob and I were anxious to play the new SCS game, so on the morning of July 23rd, I arrived at Rob's house to do battle. Here is a turn by turn report:

Turn One

I'm feeling a bit dizzy after Rob serves me four vodka and sodas. Since Rob is an amiable host and famous game designer, I don't complain about the soda being flat. I'm also not sure if I'm the British or the Germans.

Turn Two

Oh yes, I'm definitely the Germans. Rob is thoroughly kicking my ass. Not surprisingly, I'm feeling a little nauseous (I guess vodka and Cheerios don't mix too well). Rob, however, is picking my counters off the map with unrestrained glee, and what's worse is that he's subjected me to blasting disco hits of the 1970's.

Turn Three I'm staying alive, but the Afrika Korps is in a serious predicament. The Brits threaten to break the ring around Tobruk. Luckily, Rob goes upstairs to change the CD, which enables me to pull two of his divisions off the map and feed them to his cat.

When Rob returns, I fend off his inquiries about "missing Units" (I tactfully suggest that he put on his glasses). His cat then promptly coughs up a hairball on my Reeboks. I excuse myself to go to the bathroom to drink the rest of Rob's cough medicine.

Turn Four

After returning from the bathroom, I find that my Rommel counter is missing. Rob assures me that historically Rommel was in fact not present at Crusader, but actually in Berlin undergoing treatment for hemorrhoids. I think I need another vodka and flat soda.

Turn Five

My situation is pretty bleak, but fortunately I'm able to sneak some French cavalry counters from NLB and hide them under the Italian units surrounding Tobruk. Viva France!

Turn Six

Rob and I decide that maybe we should actually read the rules to this game. In the meantime, I detect what appears to be a Soviet Mechanized Corps besieging Bardia (or maybe the cough medicine is kicking in).

Turn Seven

I have to go to the bathroom again (always a tactical error, ed.) but I'm afraid if I go my army will be destroyed by the rest of the Warsaw Pact. I decide that I can't avoid the call of nature.

Incredibly, during my absence, Rob left my units alone, but instead designed a new game entitled "Deadly Designs". It allows players to portray interior decorators named Maurice, Sven, and Brad in their quest to cultivate rich clients in trendy Manhattan Co- ops. Players must backstab their friends, overcharge their clients, and sleep with anyone to reach the top of the decorating world. The winner is named "The Designer of the Year," and the runner-up is deemed the most fashionably dressed.

Turn Eight

Rob answers the phone. It seems that someone is trying to sell him stock in a company that makes eight track tapes. We laugh it off as a crank call.

Turn Nine

I'm ready to pass out, my vision is a blur, and my wallet's missing. It's time to go. On my way out, I sideswipe Rob's car and run over his wife's rose garden.

I must admit I really enjoyed playing Champion Hill. Hats off to The Gamers, and, to Rob, for posting my bail.