Recent reports have indicated that not only is wargaming dead but that Elvis Presley's ghost was involved. Wargaming, a hobby on life- support for the last 30 years, apparently stopped showing vital signs on May 25,1997. A cleaning person, Duane McNeal, was a witness to the event.

Mr.McNeal states, "All I sawed was this big cardboardy type thing covered with odd shaped dice and little cardboard squares, start to heavy breathing. No kin was there, just this detergent sized box and hundreds of pages of rules books. It was horrible.

Then all of a sudden, there was a whoosh sound and the ghost of Elvis appeared in a sequined uniform - looked like the one that George C. Scott wore in Patton, only this one was tighter in the crotch area and had lots of glitter. Near about made me a religious man.

Well, Elvis reached out his hand and touched that box. Then all hell broke loose. And a giant pickup truck materialized out of thin air."

Mr. McNeal continued, "It had these big letters in gold on the side - SPI. Whatever that means. And then the strange thing happened. One of them Roswell aliens was driving the truck and Grace Kelly was in the truck as well.

At first I thought this was a government plot. Elvis picked up all of the heaving, sighing corpse of wargaming and threw it on the back of the pickup and looked at me. He just stood there, with his lip a quivering on one side like when he was in Jailhouse Rock, and winked. Truck shook for a minute and disappeared. I guess that was the end of wargaming and I was glad."

While there were no other witnesses, some scientists have said that this might explain global warming, and the propensity for some middle- aged men to wear wide white belts and tight pointed shoes.