Two people have contacted me with non-specific comments about my unusual snideness and testiness last issue.

The Simulacrum barque (which is arguably worse than its bight) S.S. Indisposable undergoing preparations for the upcoming summer season in the Great Northern Hemisphere by means of the judicious application of what is affectionately known locally as scraping, using traditional sledgehammers.

Now, I generally find that ignoring such misguided comments does much to restore my equanamity. But these particular comments seeded on fertile ground ... a two-by-four upside the head, to use the vernacular. I don’t want to offer excuses ... there are no excuses for being cavalier. But by way of explanation, concerns about the upcoming SPI Quad issue (whenever that might be), coupled with concerns about my upcoming operation, have probably had more of an effect on me and my equanamity than I realized.

I think I’m back. Please tell me if I’m not, and I’ll come in again. (I’m not expecting the Spanish Inquisition.) This issue has a lengthy article by Matt Caffrey. I wanted to publish it here for one main reason, it’s appropriate ... it’s appropriate and it’s history. Now I understand that there’s a small faction of the grognard community, let’s call it the George Phillies Faction for sake of argument, that has an almost fanatical dislike of history in any form related to board wargaming. I have only one word for them: tough torquemadas. It’s times like this when I endeavor to take a handful of extra strength Opprobrium, to ensure my helmet doesn’t get too tight.

Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition. Our chief weapon is suprise, surprise and fear, fear and surprise. Our two weapons are fear and surprise, and ruthless efficiency. Our three weapons are fear and surprise and ruthless efficiency and an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope. Our four, no, amongst our weaponry are such diverse elements as fear, surprise, ruthless efficiency, and an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope, and nice red uniforms.

In case you haven’t noticed, we have sold our corporate soul again, this time to the demons of the digital world. All the usual formalities of perfidy were observed with scrupulous attention to detail, so that now you can not only get an electronic subscription to Simulacrum by means of an emailed PDF file, but you can also pay for it using PayPal. In order to cover the increased costs, I have had to increase my scale of charges, which are now $500 a day, plus expenses. Expenses are not negotiable and will sometimes strike those who do not understand these matters as somewhat tangential. They are all necessary and are, as I say, not negotiable. (Thank you Dirk Gently.)

Fresca got me a book for my birthday, but not just any book. It was How the Scots Invented the Modern World by Arthur Herman (ISBN 0-609-60635-2). I cannot speak highly enough of this book, and commend it to everyone: to Scots, who will then grasp why the sassenachs hate us so; to Poles, who are just Slavic Scots with a similar throat malfunction for a language; and to sassenachs, whose bagpipe envy shows up as feigned indifference. And you lot thought I was insufferable before this.

This issue, the Kula issue (for reasons which will become obvious, if they aren’t already) is 54 pages long, two more than the past few issues. There’s no ulterior motive behind this increase, no Byzantine machinations, no unpleasant surprises, no Spanish Inquisitions. I suddenly received two more pages of material that related to an article, and just couldn’t bring myself to making space for it by dropping another article.

We still have postage room, and the cost of printing another sheet in the current simple Simulacrum format is marginal at best. And that simplicity is also a strength: the ability to expand or contract the size of the journal in any increment as the mood hits us. Form follows whim. In view of the personal events of the last two months, it comes as no surprise to me that this issue is late. Not late by much, you understand ... fashionably late. Now, if I were you all, I would not be surprised either. Not in the least. Oh no, no, dear me, no. Do you understand what I am saying? Repeat after me: “We are not surprised at all that this issue of Simulacrum is late, and in fact, we are all overjoyed that it wasn’t any later, as it should have been in the circumstances.”

Thank you.

Oh yes, one final thing. Joe Scoleri asked me to pass on to you the information that he finally confirmed the counter manifest for I.C.B.M. It is 61 red and 47 blue, one off the number he had given for each in his capsule profile in Issue 13.

Alea iacta est.