Metal Tube

Part of a flight attendant's arrival went like this:

"We'd like to thank you for flying with us today, and the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you'll think of XXXX Airways."

Captain Crash

After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix, the flight attendant came over the plane's public address system with:

"Ladles and gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Captain Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate -- once the smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we'll open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal."

Captain Kangaroo

Flight attendant's comment over the plane's public address system after a less than perfect landing:

"We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."

Seatbelt

During the familiarization speech, the flight attendant said.

"To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle and pull tight. It works just like every other seat belt and if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised."

Best Flight Attendants

During his welcome message, the pilot of a major airline said:

"Our airline is pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry. Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight."

We hope you are enjoying these little airline tidbits, submitted by an American P-38 LIGHTNING ACE of the South Pacific.