#3s184/L8 S36-1 June 11, 1942

From: The Commanding Officer
To: Supply Officer, Navy Yard, Mare Island
Via: Commander Submarines, Southwest Pacific
Subject: Toilet Paper
Ref: (a) (4608) USS HOLLAND (S184)USS SKIPJACK Req 7042 of July 30, 1941.
(b) SO NYMI Canceled invoice No. 272836
Encl: (A) Sample of canceled invoice.
(B) Sample of material required.

1. This vessel submitted a requisition for 150 rolls of toilet paper on July 30, 1941, to USS HOLLAND. The material was ordered by USS HOLLAND to the supply officer, Navy Yard, Mare Island for delivery to USS SKIPJACK.

2. The supply officer Mare Island on November 26, 1941, canceled Mare Island invoice No. 272836 with the stamped notation “Canceled. Cannot Identify.” This canceled invoice was received by SKIPJACK June 10, 1942.

3. During the eleven and a half months elapsing from the time of ordering the toilet paper to the present date, USS SKIPJACK personnel, despite their best efforts to await delivery of the subject material, have been unable to wait on several occasions, and the situation is now acute, particularly during depth-charge attacks by the “back stabbers.”

4. Enclosure (B) is a sample of the desired material provided for the information of the supply officer, Navy Yard, Mare Island. The commanding officer of USS SKIPJACK cannot help but wonder what is being used at Mare Island as a substitute for this unidentifiable material once well known to this command.

5. Boat’s personnel during this period has become accustomed to the use of ersatz in proportion to the vast amount of incoming paper work generally nonessential, and in so doing feels that the wish of the Bureau of Ships for the reduction of paper work is being complied with, thus killing two birds with one stone.

6. It is believed by this command that the stamped notation “Cannot Identify” was possibly an error, and that this is simply a case of shortage of strategic war material, USS SKIPJACK probably being low on the priority list.

7. In order to co-operate in the war effort at small local sacrifice USS SKIPJACK desires no further action be taken until the end of the current war, which has created a situation so aptly described as “War is Hell.”

This very famous memo is signed by J. W. Coe, is provided by the Pacific Submarine Museum and sent here by MORRIS SWEET (1085-1992). Thanks to all for this piece of World War II humor. What ever happened to that supply officer who could not identify the toilet paper? It is my guess he probably went on to a high-level government job after the end of the war.....