Obviously we must account for errors in our work and our lives. But what happens when things continue to backfire? At this point it becomes necessary to suspect those around us and in positions of leadership of something far more sinister: a conspiracy.

Some might brush this off as delusional or an episode of paranoia... these same people should arouse the highest suspicion among the more enlightened. Why else would they try to quell your normal and perfectly healthy fears?

Let's start with an example: The highly popular video game Tetris. Don't get me wrong: I too grew up on video games, and possess a healthy fear of the withdrawal of these entertainments. The object of Tetris: to complete unbroken lines from randomly shaped, falling jigsaw pieces. If you don't complete enough lines, you lose. If you do complete enough lines, the pieces fall faster and eventually, you lose. Since there is no real way to win at Tetris (unless of course you play the wimpy reverse order version), achievement in the sport can be based on personal score or amount of lines completed.

Eventually, no matter how often you play, the outcome of the game will depend on the untimely non-arrival of the coveted "straight" piece. It is necessary to use this piece to fill cavernous gaps and correct fated ertors. Unfortunately this damned piece never comes. Why not? Who's keeping them for you?

And that's not all. Ever notice how the lids at self-serve beverage centers never fit your cup? How interesting-looking mail is never addressed to you? That despite the fact that you are always buying pens, there are never any to be found when you are on the phone?! These little injustices and inconsistencies can crop up again and again, causing minor discomfort to unbridled rage in the course of one's day. Frustratingly, there seems to be no one to blame for these accidents. Or is there?

Episodes like these may appear random, but who says they have to be? By developing a conspiracy theory, one knows whom to blame and can react appropriately. Sure, some might laugh, some might refer to hereditary problems, and some might not comment at all. These are the people you must suspect the most. By prematurely blowing you off, they are obviously trying to discredit you and make you appear foolish. What would their motive be for something like this? Maybe a cover-up. Possibly you are approaching the truth of someone's diabolical vision. It is essential to be careful.

Conversely, anyone who smiles secretly or tries to improve upon your scheming obviously has nothing to do with anything and is merely trying to become twisted into your adventures out of boredom. As much as these people would like to believe, they are in no way implicated and should have no place within your fiction.

When uncovering a conspiracy, be creative. For inspiration you might try reading books such as Robert Shea and Robert Anton Wilson's Illuminati or Frank Herbert's Dune saga. When designating involvement, keep in mind untouchable groups such as the Board of Education, the people who made the Rubik's cube, and, of course, that five-sided figure of menace: The Pentagon. At the same time don't forget local targets such as your parents, mortal enemies, and mall security guards.

Here is a model you may use. Working off the Tetris example already stated, picture this: little cameras have been inserted into your TV or PC monitor. These cameras evaluate your level of stress, letting you win a little, letting you lose a little. They build upon the tension until finally, when things begin to go well, they withhold the 'straight' piece causing you to lose the game.

If you aren't addicted to Tetris, you haven't played enough. By controlling your level of stress, the people behind this operation control you. You are now a slack-jawed pawn on a vast playing board.

"But," you say. "I don't play Tetris!"

Moron. Any organization that can afford to send secret agents through your window to plant tiny cameras in your TV can obviously spare the expense to infiltrate an entire society. Do you not use vending machines? Do you not buy cereal? There is no telling how deep these plots may run.

As the realization sinks in, keep in mind that there are alternatives to huddling under the covers all day. Grow with your paranoia that you may utilize it to your benefit and amusement. Become a suspect. Ludicrously scoff at other people's similar fears, then invite them out at weird hours. Explain your theory and try to involve others. Remember not to trust too much.

Don't become too dependent. Learn how to excel at Tetris without using the 'straight' piece ever! (Did I neglect to mention that the Russians invented Tetris?)

Be secretive. Although the logistics may remain hidden, there is no reason you shouldn't pretend to know more than you do.

Keep a journal. Collect your assorted thoughts, newspaper clippings and pictures in one place where they might be conveniently found. Imply more than you know and encode that which you do not. Remember, a well-kept journal will provide clues and implications to the police.

Plan your escape. Remember, everyone is out to get you. All the bizarre coverups and mysteries have their assorted answers. It is natural to assume that some things are unexplainable, but it is far more fun to imagine a complex, all encompassing solution. If this information has remained hidden for so long, it is necessary to assume that risks will be taken to prevent its leakage. I only hope that this information reaches you before I am caught. If it does make it through, remember to take it with you. The time to organize the resistance is now.

See! You can get all somber like that when being hunted by a secret organization. There is no end to the amount of rainy day couch forts, walkie-talkies and colleagues you can enlist.