Battles between the Players and the GM are quite common among gaming groups. Each tries to wear down the other for control of various aspects of the ongoing campaign. There may not be any overt desire to do so or any competitive aggressiveness involved, but the constant conflict remains as the GM struggles to limit the Players to meet the desired tone of the campaign world.

Sometimes, these battles are minor skirmishes. Such skirmishes often revolve around non-essential aspects of the ongoing campaign story which are yet vital to maintaining game balance and campaign stability in the GM's eyes.

A recent skirmish broke out in a new campaign started by our primary GM, Troll Lord Stephen, and one of our newest additions to the gaming table, Laura Burns, who has a fondness to start off her new characters with a horse. For the campaign's introductory adventure, it was vital for the Players' characters to journey out on foot, not on horse. This produced a wrinkled brow on Player Bums, who promptly petitioned GM Stephen for a waiver on the horse prohibition.

The skirmish was short and sweet, ending in a simple "No."

The minor skirmish was over. GM 1, Player 0.

But, it wasn't the end of the war. Post-combat taunting by GM Stephen in the form of a poem resulted in the last laugh for Players everywhere as Laura responded in kind.

Note to all Players: Feel free to use Laura's poem as a template to modify and submit to your GM at the appropriate time as your battles dictate.

"A GM's Glory"
by Stephen Chenault

I wish I would, I wish I might,
see a star in the sky tonight.
If I did, if I could,
I'd ask it once, I'd ask it twice,
for a horse, a horse of course.
As I knelt to pray,
the GM would say,
he would say, of course: NO.

"A Player's Retort"
by Laura Burns

I wish I had, I wish I could,
have a GM, that behaves as he should.
I wish I had, with any luck,
a GM that didn't act like a schmuck.
Alas I don't, oh what a crime,
I guess I'll have to keep the one that is mine.