SO. YOU WANT CONVENTION DEMOGAME QUALITY TERRAIN BUT YOU DON'T WANT TO 80 OVER YOUR BUDGET OF #13.00. WELL YOU CAN'T HAVE IT. YOU CAN, HOWEVER, DO THE NEXT BEST THING AND COVER YOUR WARGAME TABLE WITH VERY RESPECTABLE TERRAIN FOR POCKET CHANGE. IT MAY NOT BE QUITE UP TO CONVENTION STANDARDS (OR MAYBE IT WILL BE IF YOU ARE ARTISTIC) BUT YOUR FRIENDS WON'T KNOW THE DIFFERENCE ANYWAY BECAUSE THEY AREN'T AS SENSITIVE AS YOU.

FIRST, GO OVER TO YOUR COUCH. GO ON. I'LL WAIT. OK, NOW RUMMAGE UNDER THE CUSHIONS AND COLLECT ALL OF THE COINS THAT HAVE FALLEN DOWN THERE. GET IN YOUR WIFE'S CAR (SO YOU DON'T USE YOUR OWN GAS) AND GO DOWN TO THE LOCAL CRAFT STORE. BUY ONE SHEET OF WHITE POSTER BOARD, 2 BAGS OF BUMP CHENILLE, 4 SMALL SQUARES OF BROWN FELT, A CAN OF FOREST GREEN SPRAY PAINT, A SAO OF THOSE LITTLE BEADS THEY MAKE JUNK JEWELRY FROM (REAL SMALL ONES). A CANDY BAR (REESES PB CUP OR BUTTERFINGERS), AND ONE ITEM YOUR WIFE WANTS.PUT YOUR STUFF INTO THE CAR TRUNK TO BE RETRIEVED AFTER EVERYONE HAS GONE TO BED AND BRING YOUR WIFES ITEM INTO THE HOUSE.

ARE THEY GONE? OK, GOOD. "BORROW" A BOTTLE OF WHITE GLUE FROM YOUR CHILD'S SCHOOL BAG. NOW LET'S MAKE A LIFETIME SUPPLY OF WARGAME BUILDINGS. DID YOU EVER SEE A STORE BOUGHT CARD BUILDING IN IT'S ORIGINAL STATE? IT IS JUST A FLATTENED OUT PICTURE OF THE BUILDING WITH FOLD OVER TABS (SEE DIAGRAM 1). WITH A PENCIL AND RULER DRAW A FEW SIMPLE BUILDINGS. COLOR AND DETAIL THEM WITH YOUR KID'S MARKERS. GET GOOD AT PUTTING THEM TOGETHER. NOW GET CREATIVE! WITH ONE SHEET OF POSTER BOARD YOU HAVE ENOUGH MATERIAL TO BUILD ROME. AND, CONTRARY TO POPULAR OPINION, YOU CAN DO IT IN A DAY. THOSE ANCIENT MEDITERRANEAN CULTURES COOPERATED BY MAKING MANY OF THEIR BUILDINGS WHITE, THE SAME COLOR AS OUR POSTER BOARD.

NOW FOR THE TREES. WARGAME TABLES LOOK GREAT WHEN COVERED WITH VAST STRECHES OF FOREST INSTEAD OF THOSE SORRY LITTLE PATCHES WITH TWO TREE MODELS SET ON THEM THAT MOST OF US USE. WHEN CAMPAIGNING AGAINST THOSE STUBBORN GERMANIC TRIBES THE FOREST NEEDS TO BE DARK, BROODING, ENDLESS, AND CHEAP. A BAG OF "FIBERCRAFT" BUMP CHENILLE 13MM STEMS (STOCK 03242) COSTS .69 CENTS, AND MAKES 36 POPLAR TREES OR 72 SOMEWHAT SMALLER PINES. THE PINES STAND ABOUT 1 1/2" TALL AND WORK FOR 13MM OR 6MM FIGURES. USING YOUR WIFES BEST SCISSORS. CUT THE STEMS (AT THE NARROW PART BETWEEN BUMPS =0R PINES OR JUST BEFORE IT FLARES INTO A BUMP FOR POPLARS. IF YOU WANT TO MAKE PINES MAKE A SECOND CUT RIGHT AT THE MIDDLE OF THE BUMP. NOW LIGHT A CANDLE AND PUT THE WIDE END OF THE PINE OR THE NARROW END OF THE POPLAR INTO THE FLAME. IT WILL CATCH FIRE. DROP THE BUMP CHENILLE AND RUN SCREAMING FROM THE HOUSE. JUST KIDDING. BLOW OUT THE FLAME AT THE END OF THE CHENILLE AND THE PLACE WHERE THE MATERIAL MELTED WILL LOOK LIKE A GNARLED BROWN TREE TRUNK.

NOW TO MOUNT THE TREES. TAKE ALL THOSE SCRAPS THAT WERE LEFT OVER FROM, YOUR HOUSE BUILDING AND GLUE THOSE LITTLE BEADS TO THEM IN IRREGULAR PATTERNS ABOUT 1/4" APART. MAKE SURE THE BEAD HOLE IS FACING UP. WHEN IT DRIES PUT A LITTLE DROP OF GLUE ON EACH HOLE AND PLUG THE TREE TRUNKS INTO THEM. I PUT ABOUT A HALF DOZEN TREES ON A BASE AND THEN SET THE BASES LOOSLY ON PATCHES OF BROWN FELT WHICH ARE USED TO DEFINE THE DIMENSIONS OF THE FOREST. HIT THE TREES WITH DARK GREEN SPRAY PAINT TO DULL DOWN THEIR ORIGINAL GAUDY COLOR.