Everyone to whom I've spoken agrees; it's absolutely unanimous! We've found the silliest, most ridiculous, most half- witted show on TV... it's called SPACE... 2000 AND BEYOND. And having said this, I will note that we all run, every Sunday night, to turn on the TV, and never miss an episode. SPACE follows a squadron of space marines, the 58th Squadron, three men, two girls, all of whom appear to be at least 16 years old. Perhaps I'm getting older, or the space marines are recruiting them younger, but these li'l children are the ones chosen to fight to keep our planet free. The first few episodes had our heroes (masculine and feminine) piloting space fighters, defending Earth from the invading "Chiggs." Then suddenly (no reason given), the group was converted into infantry, and the 58th's people have been serving as grunts. Note that the 58th Squadron has a grand total of five members in it, surely the smallest unit of its kind in military history. And now we come to "The Colonel," head of the 58th, thin- lipped, rough, tough, but with a heart of gold, and a brain of mush. To me, it was immediately obvious why this full colonel is in charge of five people. More than he can handle. Example. The fighting 58th has been selected to raid the enemy planet, unguestionably a mission fraught with danger. And what does the Colonel do? He addresses the unit, whipping out a piece of paper which, he says, he always reads before battle. And what's on the paper? Why, it's a glorious quote from a WW II Kamikaze pilot, muttering wonderful thoughts about how he's itching to die for his country. I couldn't believe this! This is what the man reads to the troops before the mission? A statement from a Kamikaze pilot? This was a perfect opportunity for a member of the 58th to interrupt and say: "Excuse me, Colonel, but couldn't you read something about the medals we'll win after we get back?" But no, the little kiddies fell for it, hook, line and sinker. Example. The 58th has been in combat and only one man emerges apparently all the others are dead. The Colonel, with tears in his eyes, mutters to the survivor something like: "Listen, I was commander of the 86th, and it got wiped out, and then the 34th, and it got wiped out, and now the 58th... I can't lose you, too!" Again, the remaining member of the 58th had a great opportunity to comment: "Excuse me, Colonel, but your battle record leaves something to be desired and I request an immediate transfer!" But no, our hero hangs in there... he's a confirmed member of the 58th. And So Am I And so am I... which means that every Sunday, there you'll find me, glued to the TV, watching the 58th stumble through its missions. This is serious stuff. In truth, however, the Chiggs appear to be winning the war. And it also appears that the fighting 58th isn't doing much for the war effort. For example, whenever the 58th lands on enemy soil to carry out one of their death-defying missions, they,re immediately pinned... they step out the door of the troop carrier, and BLAM!! BOOM!! WHOOSH!... they're pinned. To move is to invite instant death. The rest of each of the hour-long shows consists of them urgently calling for help ("Headquarters, this is the 58th. You've got to get us out of here!"), and shouting at each other "Semper Fi" to keep their courage up. Headquarters, of course, is used to their shenanigans: "Yessir, it's that damned 58th again, calling for rescue!" One of these days, Headquarters will get smart and not send in the rescue team ("Leave 'em... let the Chiggs have 'em!"). But until then, you'll find me, on Sunday nights, in front of the TV, feet propped up, a big dish of ice cream in hand, watching my heroes (masculine and feminine) in action. 2. Logistics We still haven't worked out the logistics for publishing the REVIEW next year. I've gotten several comments in the mail: "How come you sent me a notice that my subscription expired and I owe another $12, when you're not even sure that the REVIEW will be continued next year?. To these scoffers, I reply: "Oh, ye of little faith, have ye neither trust nor conviction that we in the PW REVIEW editorial room shall prevail? For he that thinketh that we shall come to grief shall himself be cast into the pit." Back to PW Review December 1995 Table of Contents Back to PW Review List of Issues Back to MagWeb Master Magazine List © Copyright 1995 Wally Simon This article appears in MagWeb (Magazine Web) on the Internet World Wide Web. Other military history articles and gaming articles are available at http://www.magweb.com