The good Dr. Paddy Griffith appeared at Peter Dennis' house and announced that we (Peter and I) were in command of a British expedition starting out in April, 1890, searching for the magical city of Argentepentum, located somewhere in the mountains.
What did we know about Argentepentum? Nothing. In which direction was it located? No one knew. How do we go about finding it? Simply set out with your expeditionary forces and hope for the best.
We had, said Paddy, six battalions of British troops, with each battalion 500 strong, giving us 3,000 fighting men. We also had a regiment of Lancers, but... we also had a train of some 4,900 pack animals and 5,900 support personnel, hangers-on, wagon masters, traveling brothels, and the like. Our entire force extended some 10 miles along the road. If we were lucky, we could make about 4 miles per day.
And, said the Doctor, we could only carry one month's worth of supplies for the entire entourage... after that, we'd have to start chopping up our supply animals.
Undeterred, we started out from our base at Jalalabad, spirits high, pipers playing, all in the best J. Arthur Rank tradition. dy had prepared a number of sketches similar to that shown in figure 1. As we progressed through the mountains and, each night, selected a camp site, Paddy would give us a sketch showing the view from our site. From it, we'd make our plans for the next day's march.
Each "turn" encompassed two to three days travel time on the road, and we kept Paddy fully informed of our intent.
Peter and I, in looking at the drawings, noted that occasionally there were small villages sketched in. And so we'd tell Paddy that we had sent out a patrol of Lancers to find, and bring in for interrogation, a suitable native of the village.
The Lancers always seemed to bring in a fellow named Gupta, who, when queried, always stated that he was, by far, the wisest man in his village. But each Gupta, for all his wisdom, never seemed, during his entire adult life, to have explored more than 500 feet from his village, and each claimed complete ignorance of what lay beyond the mountains, indeed, what lay more than 500 feet from his vilage.
Some Guptas stated there were dragons "out there", some that there were wild beasts... in short, none of the Guptas were helpful. Our plotted course was to the north-east. We had, of course, no idea as to whether or not Argentepentum lay to the north-east, or co the south-west, but north-east seemed as good a direction as any.
We'd examine the sketches furnished by Paddy and tell him of our next day's plans.
The various sketches showed roads leading off the main path to the right and left, and we would detach a fairly strong patrol of Lancers ... 25 to 30 troopers ... to ride out and report back on what they found.
About the only thing we found out was that somebody out there didn't like us... each time a patrol reported back, it turned out we had lost 3 to 5 troopers.
About every other day, after we had selected our campsite, and were reviewing the next day's march, the sketch we were given showed that the trail led through a jungle area. Each time the jungle showed up, we'd send out an advance guard of Ghurkas to clear the route, but here, too, we suffered, for the Ghurkas always came back battered, and day after day, our losses mounted.
Some 9 turns into the campaign... 28 days travel time... we were staggering along the trail, we had been out of food for two days, when Paddy suddenly presented us with the sketch we had been waiting for... a view of Argentepentum!!
We made it! Success! Another jewel in the crown of the Empire! But wait, said Paddy. Note that from the spires of Argentepentum flies not only the flag of the Pasha of Argentepentum, but another banner... and this one contains a black, two headed eagle.
Egad! The Russkis had beaten us to Argentepentum!
What to do? We are British, and so the only decent thing to do is... attack!
Figure 2 is a sketch of Argentepentum, showing its defensive posture. Obviously a hard nut to crack.
Ghurkas in the van, we charged the main gate. Paddy asked us a few questions, consulted his tables, rolled a die or two... and came back with the unfortunate news that the battalion had been driven back.
Not to worry... the Ghurkas had been understrength due to their numerous scouting duties along the march. Let's try a charge with the Sikh battalion, up to full strength.
More dice tossing by Paddy... more bad news... the Sikhs had been beaten back. The Russian units assigned to defend the main gate were not going to cave in easily.
We threw a third battalion against the gate... this time, the Gordon Highlanders, and Paddy's dice again proved unfavorable. Three attacks and three defeats.
But now we brought up our reserve... the Duke of Kent's Royal Gloucester Suffolk Northumberland Welshermen First Foot. Never beaten in battle, this unit. And to bolster the attack, we ordered the Ghurkas and Sikhs to clamber up the steep side slopes of the Hill of Argentepentum.
Another die roll, and... victory! The main gates are thrown open, said Paddy, thousands of Russians are running forward to surrender, the Pasha of Argentepentum has offered us his 34 daughters, all of his mother-in-laws and his pet cat as tribute.
In truth, I think that Paddy's last die roll was somewhat biased. Ten turns into the game, around the midnight hour, we were all somewhat pooped, and methinks that Paddy took the honorable way out.
Back to PW Review April/May 1994 Table of Contents
Back to PW Review List of Issues
Back to MagWeb Master Magazine List
© Copyright 1994 Wally Simon
This article appears in MagWeb (Magazine Web) on the Internet World Wide Web.
Other military history articles and gaming articles are available at http://www.magweb.com