If you have not been fortunate enough to be blessed with a wife and children who all wargame, you may have encountered the problem of what to do with the family while you’re wargaming. An even greater problem in the midst of outlet shopping areas is how to keep them from spending the money you planned to use to purchase your new Mongol Tuman, a Sturmgeshutz, and a fortified Afghan watchtower. Gentlemen, we have the answer, and it can also be fun for the 44-year-old child who drives his family to Lancaster.

The peaceful Pennsylvania Dutch, in whose neighborhood we play wargames, are farmers, and farmers produce food. There are some commercial establishments that even offer tours and free samples. These are those establishments, listed by foraging area.

LANCASTER

Anderson Pretzels are made at the Anderson Bakery Company. There’s a free 15-20 minute tour, Monday through Friday from 8:30 AM to 4:00 PM. To get there, go east on Route 340 where US 30 intersects PA 340. Anderson’s is about a quarter mile on the right.

LITITZ

Lititz is my favorite little burg to visit near Lancaster. From US 30 (yes, that’s the road the Lancaster Host is on) take PA 501 north about 10 minutes to Lititz.

Sturgis Pretzel House is a right down Main Street on the left hand side—you can’t miss the giant pretzel. The tour is $2.00, but you get a silly little hat and actually get to twist your own pretzels. (Maybe that’s how Chubby Checker got his start?) Tours are 25 minutes, and can be taken from Monday through Saturday from 9:00 AM to 4:30 PM, when the last tour starts.

Cake & Kandy Emporium is on the same side of Main Street, but to enter the store you must go around back by turning left on Sturgis Lane (see Sturgis Pretzel House above). Tours are free, and take 5-10 minutes. They’re open Tuesday through Saturday from 10:00 AM to 4:00 PM. From October through Christmas, they manufacture ‘clear toy candy’. At last, we have someone who recognizes that you can and should ‘play with your food’.

Wilbur Chocolates is right up route 501, and as you cross Main Street, look to your left and inhale. They’re open Monday through Saturday from 10:00 AM to 5:00 PM year round. Admission is free, and so were the samples. The self-guided tour is 15-30 minutes, including an 8-minute video, which is interesting. It was at this establishment that I began to work on my Black Belt in Chocolate!

INTERCOURSE

The way to reach Intercourse is where PA Route 340 crosses PA Route 772. Who would have known?

The Intercourse Pretzel may sound as if you will have to visit your chiropractor later, but that is not the case. They are located in the Cross Keys (one of Stone Wall Jackson’s victories) Village Center. Tours of the Intercourse Pretzel may be taken from 9:00 AM to 3:00 PM, Tuesday through Saturday between Easter and Columbus Day, but only on Saturday for the rest of the year. The tours last 15 minutes, and everyone gets a chance to twist their own Intercourse Pretzel. (Well, that’s what the brochure says.)

The Intercourse Canning Company—no, I’m not making these up as I go along—is located just southeast of the intersection of 772 and 340. The canning process in Intercourse takes place from January through April, Monday through Friday, from 10:00 AM to 3:30 PM, and from May through December, Monday through Friday, from 9:30 AM to 4:30 PM. While admission is free for the 15-minute tour, a sampling tasting of canned Intercourse for small groups may be had for $3.00. As home cooks all know, ‘canning’ is done in jars, so the visual effect of fruits and vegetables preserved in see-through containers is very attractive.

HERSHEY

Right up the highway is Hershey’s Chocolate World. It’s in Hershey, Pennsylvania, and will keep your family going for the entire day, if they visit the nearby Hershey Park, which is an enormous amusement park. The tour is a 15-minute amusement park-type ride, and it’s free. The chocolate milk shakes they sell are the BEST Western Civilization has to offer.

HANOVER

Snyder’s of Hanover began its twisted career as a pretzel giant in 1924 when William and Helen Snyder opened a store selling Egg Noodles and Angel Food Cakes. With typical Pennsylvania Dutch efficiency, they used the egg yolks in the Egg Noodles, and the egg whites in the Angel Food Cakes. Hence, the combination. Today, they are the fine purveyors of junk food we all know and love. From Hanover, take PA Route 116 East (York Street) for 4 miles. The factory is just past the corporate headquarters on the left. Tours are free, though reservations are required at least 24 hours in advance. Tours may be taken Tuesday through Thursday from 10:00 AM to 2:00 PM year-round. The tour lasts an hour and includes live guides and a video presentation.

Utz Quality Foods is just a chip shot away if you’re in Hanover. From the square in Hanover, go north on PA Route 94 (Carlisle Street). At the light on Clearview Road, the factory outlet store is to your right, but to take the free tour, turn left onto Clearview Road. At the stop sign on High Street, turn left again, followed by an immediate right. It’s on your right. The free tours include a short film, and last about 45 minutes. Utz, of course, is one of the premier manufacturers of quality junk food like chips and such.

YORK

Wolfgang Candy Company is in York, Pennsylvania. From US Route 30, go south on North George Street and turn left onto East Fourth Avenue (approximately 8 blocks). Wolfgang is on your right. This is a tour for the serious sweet tooth, as you enter ‘Das Sweeten Haus’. The tour runs 45 minutes to an hour. A half-hour video presentation is followed by a guided tour of the factory. Tours are Monday through Friday, 8:00 AM to 3:00 PM, September through Easter. The rest of the year has one tour given at 10:00 AM on Monday through Friday. They have a candy shop, a soda fountain, and ice cream. Any questions?

If you wish to research junk food in Pennsylvania, I would recommend Pennsylvania Snacks: A Guide to Food Factory Tours, by Sharon Hernes Silverman, Stackpole Books, 2001.