Teddy Bears defend the castle in this Gamers Choice Award winning presentation at Historicon.

I – Introducing Our Heroine

Victoria Hawkes, that woman so rare:
Inventress, Adventuress, and rich GASLIGHT heir;
Had just returned to London with its rich smoggy air
Home from her long voyages to rest without care.
An early morning stroll on the paths of Hyde Park
With confidant Sarah Adams – oh what a gay lark –
Pushing a pram as a nannie to friends of days dark:
M’Lord Harland-White from Dean’s Island did hark.
And also Little Timmy, the poor orphan child
(His dad had fought Zulus ‘til the bodies were piled;
Brought up by the regiment – but surprisingly mild)
He played on his bugle and ran thoroughly wild.
So on this fair morning, no others around,
They’d come to the King’s Glade, that so hallowed ground,
Where statues of England’s brave knights did abound
When suddenly Victoria heard a terrible sound!

II – The Evil Villain’s Plan

Genius Professor Palmer had lost his sanity at last,
He sought world domination but his plan was half-assed.
Victoria’d tracked him down not long ago in the past
Brought him to justice and in prison made him fast.
But that crackpot Professor had escaped his asylum:
The guards had been so vigilant – until he’d managed to buy them.
To capture Victoria and with great fear strike her dumb
Palmer’d gathered vile creatures from the most wretched phylum.
He’d cobbled together that most fearsome device:
The SURDU Synchronicity Shatterer – not nice –
Would terrible lizards from past to present entice
Leave the people of London defenseless as mice.
So with a flash and a bang there arose from the river
From the past through a portal, led by a deathgiver,
Hideous beings – just to look at would set you aquiver –
But they’d kill you and eat you before you could shiver.

III – The Lizards Attack!

Now Victoria was not ready for such an attack
Of reptiles long toothed and with axes that hack:
For her walk in the park only one gun did she pack
But with her friends bravely she stood back to back.
Up the center came little lizards, each with bow
Firing small poison arrows that would lay humans low.
On the flanks were big lizards, more powerful, but slow
They advanced on Victoria – but would she yield? No!
She knew very shortly the creatures would overwhelm
Then march into London – make it part of their realm.
She though not of her safety ‘neath the glade’s stately elm
Then she looked at the pram with Nannie Sarah at its helm.
Lo – sitting there proudly the young Lord Harland-White
His rattle raised high, his face grim in the light:
For such British youth she must secure future bright!
She saw the Bear that he held – and knew how to win this fight.
From her purse Victoria pulled an unfinished invention;
To tinker on it after tea had been her original intention.
Ignoring all peril she gave it her full attention
Then shouted “Eureka” and made one last connection.
She activated the “HAWK” device to help win the strife –
“HA” – Heroic Animator – it brings good things to life;
“WK” – Wonder Kloner – for armed with gun or knife
Appeared rows of Teddy Bears, lead by drum and fife!
Teddy Bear infantry, each one armed with a pop gun,
They’d fight on quite fiercely until the fight was at last won.
And cavalry on hobby horses swift as riders could run
With wooden swords and brave hearts would charge – all for one!
And Teddy Bear artillery – their cannons firing honey
To make sticky the lizards – hold them fast, squirming funny!
Teddy reinforcements arriving quick as a bunny
But could they succeed? I’d not bet even money.

IV – Teddy Bears Save the World

A Teddy leader, Paw Revere, went charging to the foe
Surrounded by up to 10 of them, it seemed like down he’d go.
But reinforcements to his aid came marching row on row.
Though Paw was lost the lizards too death’s stillness soon did know.
A ferocious lizard appeared in sight, belching smoke and fire
Which Teddies fear above all else – to run their strong desire
But rolling 20 in his turn he began to weave and tire
And burped out soot and so he turned and ate his handlers in his ire!
Little Timmy bugled on and sounded “charge” and “wheel”
From atop a tomb he watched the foe try to make of him a meal.
Directing all the Teddy troops where weakness he did feel
Experience with the Zulu wars had made Tim a tactician real.
Nannie Sarah threw hand grenades at nearby lizards – BAM!
(She knew her friend attracted trouble and so kept weapons in her pram)
And when on the right the Teddies lost and lizard broke through – Damn! –
While the young Lord chortled she raced on over and used his carriage as a ram.
And all around the battle ranged – just who would win unclear
The Teddies fiercely would fight on ignoring cut or tear
A seamstress later could sew up cuts or reattach an ear
This battle would determine London’s fate, and all that we hold dear!
Victoria used her rifle well – on every turn felled two
Of the advancing lizard horde – but one gun was too few.
She climbed up on a statue base to get a better view
And concentrate her fire on the leaders of this evil crew.
But thus exposed she drew the fire of every lizard near
They hit and she would roll a save and never show them fear
She drew a bead on the lizard leader and his evil looking leer
When an arrow got through and struck her down – the lizards gave a cheer!
As she lay there, life fading fast, arrow poison in her vein,
Sarah raced on over as Victoria’s strength did wane.
To be a proper Nannie a nurse’s skill she’d had to gain.
Sarah saved her friend Victoria, helped her up to fight again.
To left and right the Cavalry Bears, each riding hobby horse
Had slowed the attacks of big lizards, and drove them back towards the river course
While in the center Teddy Infantry, firing pop-guns without remorse,
Had stopped the cold blooded reptiles cold despite overwhelming force.
Then with a POP the portal closed, Prof Palmer was aghast!
The SURDU field collapsing returned the lizards to their past.
While Teddy Bears all ceased to move, became a frozen cast
For the HAWK device’s power had only been just enough to last.

V – Epilog

Palmer, with SURDU device, escaped – his plan had failed.
Tomorrow Victoria would start the chase and see him caught and jailed.
For now she turned to her true friends and patched up whatever ailed,
And saw that this epic battle report to the London Times was mailed!

A GASLIGHT After Action Report copyright 2002 by Todd Harland-White, summarizing games hosted by Todd and Paul Harland-White at HAWKS Barrage and HMGS Fall In! September/November 2001. Based on characters and game environments created by fellow HAWKS and GASLIGHT authors Chris Palmer and Buck Surdu.