Since Hal had written that it was difficult to interview me, I thought I would help MWAN by interviewing him at Recon. Craig Martelle and Rhett Scott led a great convention but they didn't seem too happy that I would need 18 hours of Hal's time for a hard hitting interview. Then they started smiling, I guess they're good losers, and they gave ten dollars and a brand new name tag to an individual who they introduced as the real Hal Thinglum. Since this is what it sad on his name tag I knew I had won after all, I wasn't born yesterday. Trying not to be too smug, I brushed aside a familiar looking individual who proferred his hand and met the real Hal.

The real Hal is about six foot five inches and has blond hair. I guess he's about 25 years old and seems to be always with two ladies he introduced as his nieces, Bambi and Tammy. He wears leather pants and has a tee shirt that says on the front "heavy metal rules" and on the back "Trolls defeat Orcs." He jokes a lot so probally some of the interview should be taken as being jocular.

Question: How come you look different in your MWAN picture?

The real Hal: A lot of gamers would be jealous if they knew how cool I was. So we hired another guy whose first name is Hal, that guy you pushed aside when you shook my hand to be in the picture. He works around the MWAN building carrying die magazines, sweeping, getting crullers, and washing my limo. At conventions, I let people think hes me. He's a real perfesser type, always talking about politeness, simple rules and well painted figures, some of the gamers seem to go for that staff so we keep him around at minimum wage.

Question: Why did you go into gaming?

The real Hal: Babes, chicks, ladies. You let a girl know you're a general or what not and you got it made in the shade.

Question: You're known as a caring health care professional, well read and articulate who always thinks of others and the environment.

The real Hal: Ain't that right! I be speaking well and such. I got to, just the other day I be hoping that there be no more forest fires. That way the price of paper don't go up. I make big bucks on MWAN and I don't have to waste time with stupid sick people. Yea, I guess it am almost all correct.

Question: I understand Don Featherstone is one of your heros?

The real Hal: Yea, but even with him the Bears will never win the Superbowl.

Question: Describe a game you played at Recon.

The real Hal: I played the perfect game, man. I entered a tournament, winner take all. I lined up my trolls, orcs and dwarves with a magician commander. We were zonking some space elves when the punk across the table used a spell that went 9.5 centimeters instead of the allowed 9 on page 57. I rolled nine reaction tests and won. Before the tournament was over I cussed out a couple tough customers. One took a swing at me and then ran off to her mother, another made up a bogus excuse about getting back to sixth grade. I whomped them, I won, and it was righteous!

Question: Hal, what about your orcas of expertise?

The real Hal: What about them?

Question: I'll name a topic, you give the insights please. Zulus.

The real Hal: Don't they live in Africa of something?.

Question: English Civil War

Hal: It was English and there was war but it wasn't civil at all. The Yanks won, they beat Bobbie Lee.

Question: Russian Front

Hal: You seen the fat chicks in Russia? Best from the front.

Q: Why do you read your answers, even your name off an index card, that's suspicious that youre not the real Hal.

Hal. Uh, cause I don't want to be tricked by you reporters.

Q: Oh. That sounds right then. Hal, Ill give you the name of some great commanders and you give your impression of them.

Hal. (looking at card) Hal Thinglum from Chicago, nice to meet you polite, gentleman. Simple rules. Well painted figures. Fun games and history.

Q: Napolean

Hal: Great dessert wonder where they got the name?

Q: Caeser

H: Ditto, good salad.

Q: Frederick

Hal: That's Fredericks, of Hollywood. Great for the babes.

Q. Hal you were talking to Vince and Sharron of London War Room. They make great buildings, is that why?

Hal: Well yea they do make great buildings, but since Sharron is a psychologist and Vince is from England and reads english well I have asked them to review every English wargame magazine ever printed to see if there was ever one that didn't have an article on Operation Sea Lion, Dad's army or an English Civil War battle with more than 50 participants, so far, no luck.

Q: Afghan?

Hal: I wear them, it gets cold in Chicago.

Q. Colonials

Hal: Good beer

Q: Last, but not least the Seven Years War.

Hal. I'm sorry, never heard of it.

The interview briefly stopped when the real Hal had the other Hal escorted from the convention because he was bothering Pat Condray, Bob Jones and John Hill with toy soldier and gentlemanly type talk.

Q: Hal, just a few more questions

Hal: Alright, don't take all day!

Q: What do you think about socialized medicine?

Hal: I like socializing, only hippies take medicines and drugs. You mix the two, lumberjacks can't cut down trees, paper shortage, no MWAN and I gotta take care of some dumb old sick people. So I'm against socialized medicine.

Q. The future of wargaming

Hal: Easy, board games - I love them. Combat factors in supply, it just gets better and better! No chunky figures ruining the panoramic effect. In a pinch I could play 2mm but only if they're well spray painted, preferably fantasy figures played in a really competitive tournament, lots of dice and a 100 page rule book that can be exploited to win a 12 hour game.

Q: Are you writing any rule sets?

Hal: Of course, its about time ain't it? They gotta be heavy on the history of course - thats what I like. Let me give you an example but just to show I ain't not aftaid of role playing here I go. The history part: lets say 2 orcs are beating the bejabbers out of a dwarf you can combine history and role playing by having the dwarf say "victory goes to the big battalions." I gotta have a small game only between 2-5 figures per army but lots of dice - 10 per figure. Charts, modifiers they're all there, but you streamline it, say a good game is 12-16 hours to a solid draw, longer for a a tournament game. Then you got your scenario books, put in a lot of massacrees of women and children or what I really like, that ultra modern stuff, maybe set in the near future or on a historical spaceship in the 2000's. Its all there.

Q. Any advice to young gamers?

Hal: Well when a so called veteran gamer who maybe wrote the rule set you're playing says you should play for money you gotta go with the flow and play to win. Don't read any painting guides there weren't any photographs in the old days so its all just a big guess anyway. Figures ain't important - use bottlecaps or rocks from the garden for your battles. Fantasy, historical and science fiction are all the same cause they all use dice. Don't try to be cool like me and other superstars but just modest like me.

Q. Hal what's your educational background? I understand it's quite impressive.

Hal: It is. I have a B.A. in ice fishing from Harvard university of Antartica. The masters is in archery from the Massachusetts Institute of Technology of Nigeria and a Ph.D. in animal husbandtry from UConn.

Q. University of Connecticut?

Hal: Even better. Ucon wargames convention, with highest honors in orcs with a goblin oak leaves and space robot clusters.

Q: Any charitable or extra curricular activities?

Hal: Ask Bambi and Tammy, smart guy.

Q: Hal.

Hal: Youre lucky I gave this interview, man. I'm ending this jabbering. You wanta talk to someone talk to my other Hal that I pretend runs the show! In fact I ain't never givin another interview again.

And with that the real Hal. Bambi and Tammy left in the limo after shaking hands with the convention organizers who seemed to laugh, I guess because they knew he had given a great interview for all MWANers. Not everyone will believe that this was the real magnate behind MWAN - it's hard to believe it wasn't the guy in the editorial picture who is intelligent polite and a role model for others. It took great reporting to uncover the facts.

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