I put on a 10 ( or thereabouts) player Science versus Pluck event at the convention in Augusta last week - "Outrageous Misconduct", being the 1883 campaign on the Red Sea Coast - lots of Bashi Bazoukhs and nervous Egyptians. I had to cheat heavily as the Dervishes showed every sign of overunning Sinkat fort within 10 minutes of starting (Major Bill Harting, take my advice, never invite an envoy in if you can't roll better than a '1' to keep his 75 man escort outside the gates) -- the 'allied' Arab tribes seemed deeply unconvinced in the value of Major Bill's garrison as a safeguard against the wrath of the Mahdi, and behaved in a wholly sensible (ie treacherous and villainous) manner throughout. At the other end of the table the officers of the Suakin garrison organised a relief column; there was a god deal of squabbling over whether it was airight for the Bashi Bazoukhs to sleep under rocks instead of scouting ahead, so they went of in a big sulk. This allowed the Fuzzy Wuzzies to get within 500 yds of the 'square', since there were no outriders, and launched a charge which nearly did for the whole force. I allowed the Bashi Bazoukhs to show up (actually I think they ought to have been about 2 hours away) whereupon they shocked us all by passing their reaction with a '6' and launched a charge which drove off the Hadendowah. The expedition had lost so many men that it turned around and went home again! Another glorious moment in military history -- (hint- squares really need to have 4 sides --) It was getting late, so that was it -- two hours of hopeless corruption and skullduggery, I don't know Now you know why I don't do battle reports. No Success At the same convention, the 1st "Siege of Augusta" overseen by the affable Jim Birdseye, I now report that I had what must be my most unsucessful day at the gaming tables yet. Game 1, a French & Indian war action. As British commander, I have to hold a river battery and separate ammunition store, preserve my garrison and make some token effort to protect the settlers. At first all goes well, and I am shooting down Richard Brooks' French line with great abandon. Then I shoot his officer. Unfortunately, his men think this is a Good Thing, and charge my line. My die rolling becomes miserable all-of-a-sudden, and I have a collection of dead redcoats, a few running away, and a powder store that I cannot defend anymore. At this moment I am assailed by a French ship on the river, and a screaming mob of Indians. It doesn't help that the Indian players are whooping, wearing warpaint (ok, lipstick streaks down the cheeks) and waving a treaty of surrender for me to sign. No, I don't trust 'em --- anyhow, attacked by overwhelming numbers, I find myself in the position of hoping the settlers will come and rescue the regulars(!). They don't of course, and I am wiped out, ending up with minus 94 victory points, having lost every thing I owned. I was given kudos, however, for gallantly hamming up my role throughout. Game 2. I finally get to play 'Slimeys & Limeys', which is related to my largely stolen pirate game (S&L being the legitimate branch of the family) and found myself leading a British fleet against the Froggies, with some nasty pirates and a lone American floating about. After shooting up a couple of petty pirates - clearing the decks with grape and leaving them to drift until we picked 'em up later - I took on a Frenchman of about the same size. I think he was besting me slightly, but it was a gentlemanly contest and agreeable enough. Then a young fellow comes along and quite unreasonably lights up some hot shot - a very dangerous thing to do aboard ship - and sets me alight! Swine --- and he doesn't even set himself alight either, which would only be justice. Anyway, I am unable to roll a single '6' with 14 dice, and the ship is well ablaze. Fortunately, I foul one of the drifting pirate vessels - now completely unmanned, if awash in blood. So, I abandon ship and take off in the pirate, under fire by that damnable Frenchman but, with one rigging point remaining, able to make it off the board --this is my most successful game of the day. I am not killed. Game 3. Getting a bit groggy now, but enroll in Brian Whitaker's Wild West game. I get two worthless ne'er do wells, lurking in some bushes. I try to persude other players that we are visiting Jehovah's Witnesses, without success. I leave briefly to buy some figures from Loren Schwendeman's "Viking Forge" (the old Asgard 15mm ancients, recast in much nicer metal) and come back to find that one of my heroes has gone to Boot Hill. Since I'm exhauseted I decide to get the other one conveniently killed, but am unable to do it. I stand in front of a fully qualified gunfighter, who shoots me like the dog I clearly am, but only wounds me. By the time I stagger to my feet, nobody is around to shoot me again. Bummer, man. Back to MWAN #63 Table of Contents Back to MWAN List of Issues Back to MagWeb Magazine List © Copyright 1993 Hal Thinglum This article appears in MagWeb (Magazine Web) on the Internet World Wide Web. Other military history articles and gaming articles are available at http://www.magweb.com