I was surprised when I heard Hal had joined the Legion. Since the matter with the dancing bears crossing state lines had been ostensibly cleared up, there was no need to join the French service. According to Hal, when he told the judge he had been at Don Featherstone's house - he had walked over - during the incident he had gotten off scott free - all he had to do was teach wargaming from 5pm Friday until 9am Monday at Cook County Jail for a year. I later learned Hal was in the wargaming Legion and hoped to congratulate him at HISTORICON. I was wearing a fur coat and Papachuka since it was only 98 degrees when I heard Hal had collapsed from heat exhaustion - coming from Chicago with a year round average temperature of 42 degrees. Apparently delirious - and now a living legend - Hal shared the Ten Commandments of Wargaming in the ambulance to we mortals. All of them he was seen to practice at HISTORICON. 1. Emulate the Great Generals - At the convention, he was seen imitating Burnside at the bridge, Haig in the first day of the Somme, and Varus in the Teutoburg Forest. 2. Remember Wally's Basement - According to Hal, the three cars parked out front of Wally's house must have brought the 11,000 people who say there were there at the founding of HMGS with great efficiency. 3. Hang Around With English People - They sound so darn intellectual that if you just say "Jolly good" occasionally people think you are a professor. 4. Recreate Actual Battles - Many people at the convention Hal did well as he seemed to use tactics associated with Custer at the Big Horn, Marc Antony at Actium, and Goering supplying Stalingrad. 5. Reading is the Key - Hal was seen reading the horseracing pages in the newspaper and the 'articles' in both Penthouse and Playboy. 6. Share Expenses - All twenty-one people that shared Hal's room and the fifteen that rode in his Yugo affirm this. 7. If You Want Excellent Articles, Pretend Howard Whitehouse is English - According to Hal, Howard has never been more than five miles from his birthplace in America. As a youngster, he began to speak with an English accent and now basically only sends his excellent articles to MWAN if called 'Lord Greystoke'. 8. Make Friends Through Wargaming - Hal said he never would have known about the friendly ladies at the 'Kit-Kat Club' if wargamers hadn't told him. 9. Take Advantage of Accents - Hal said that he really doesn't understand Don Featherstone's accent at all, but he has learned to use key words such as 'Fox hunting', 'Jolly fine tea', and 'crazy American blokes' which serve to bridge the international community of wargaming. 10- A Legend Must Do The Impossible - Without this commandment the MWAN in all seriousness could not have become the very special band between thousands of intellectuals who dislike war, love history and have an inexplicable love for inanimate pieces of metal that represent those that went before us. Hal made a full recovery. This comedy article is a way to congratulate him for a well deserved honor. Back to MWAN #103 Table of Contents Back to MWAN List of Issues Back to MagWeb Magazine List © Copyright 2000 Hal Thinglum This article appears in MagWeb (Magazine Web) on the Internet World Wide Web. Other military history articles and gaming articles are available at http://www.magweb.com