Better run to the refrigerator, grab a beer and a platter of snacks and settle into your favorite chair before reading this article. It is much too long, but I think that can be excused because it really is a lot of fun. It all began with me reading an article and e-mailing Dan about it. The ensuing e-mail correspondence describes the creation of a colonial steamer and the afterword relates how it fared in its very first outing on the wargames table. So settle back and relax and enjoy the story of Dan and Chuck and the mighty HMS Valentine Baker.
CHUCK TO DAN
Well, you're wondering, what's Chuck been up to lately?
First, after reading a great Victorian/Fantasy scenario where the Brits unleashed a chopper from the roof of a river steamer, I decided I had to have one. So, when we were next at Target, I scampered into the toy department and found a Matchbox toy that looked to be the right size.
I popped off the hinged canopy to make some room and took a Redoubt colonial figure and modified it to be a pilot. The guy in question was part of a heliograph unit, supposedly seated atop ammo boxes, using a large telescope. I cut the legs apart and bent them to fit. Then I carefully removed the arm holding on to the telescope and did a little face sculpting where I disfigured the guy by cutting the telescope away from his eye. Replaced the arm with a Prussian officer (Old Glory Nappy) arm and he fits pretty well. Will glue him in and prime the whole business black so I can properly make it a Victorian Brit chopper. Naturally, I will make the pilot a member of the Queens Air Hussars. Any ideas?
Which gets me to a question. Would you make me a colonial steamer? I could send some photos of what these guys are using. Kind of a boxy craft with room for the chopper to land and reload on the roof.
Also found out that Richard Huston's colonial stuff is still available through Patrick Wilson and that someone makes all metal kits with some fine staff cars and even a railroad train suitable for colonial gaming. I like the Mercedes Torpedo for a staff car myself although there are some very fine Ford trucks at reasonable prices.
Although I'm not really getting much of anything physically accomplished, I have managed to get myself in a somewhat excited state. I am absolutely dying to have a game, but obviously I need to paint some figs. The guys who came up with the chopper have modified TS&TF rules to allow air to ground combat, with the craft carrying two rather erratic torpedoes and five hand bombs to be dropped on targets below.
Did you get my forwards on Practical Wargamer? I will really miss that magazine as I always thought it was the best of the slicks. Lots of eulogies are up on the net. Anyway, whatcha all doing?
Rabid Chuck
DAN TO CHUCK
Chuckie,
Man, you are as bad as me for sure. So many ideas. The chopper idea sounds, uh, wild. Let's see ... paint it tan, 19th century desert rats and all that. Rodents. Maybe Fuzzy-Wuzzy head-on-a-spike nose art. Celtic heritage. "Headhunters". That'd terrify em, shades of the Nam. Right up on the front nose under the windshield. "Queen's Own" in big white letters on the tail boom. Warning sign back by the tail rotor warning: "Watch your bloody 'ead. " Pilot has to have a long flowing white scarf. Goggles. Webley .455 on the hip.
Be glad to do you a steamer. About 16-18" long? Send me details. I already got plenty of ideas for that one too. "General Gordon" or "River Queen" perhaps? I have plenty of materials. Several large boxes of Balsa. Let's see. Low freeboard/shallow draft, single boiler stack, side paddle-wheeler with armored cover, removable armored plates with vision slits over bridge windows, armored portholes, pivoting jackstaff, stanchions with wire rails (gotta buy wire), ensign to fly from either the flagstaff or mast (moored/underway), helo pad up and aft, bomb and torpedo RSLs (ready service lockers) adjacent to helo pad to permit rapid reloading under battle conditions, and flying bridge.
Gun positions: Naval gun up forward. Gatlings port and stbd of stack on 2nd deck and/or on stern main deck. Painted white with streaks of rust here and there. Length of torpedoes? What is the radius of the chopper's main blade? Sounds so fun I am gonna do it anyway. Already drew it up. Picture of Queen V back on the quarterdeck.
Re: PW. Bummer. I subscribed for several years but really, really had to pick between pubs and settled on MWAN dropping WI, PW, and so on. Just finished up yet more Old Glory 15mm Old Guard Infantry. Today I mailed off 6 NB command stands (9 mtd figs - 7 BH, I OG and 1 Jacobite). All French. Started on 15mm Museum ECW dragoons last night. More later.
Ciao, Dan Pasha
CHUCK TO DAN
The chopper has a rotor radius of 4.5 inches. It's about an inch and a half wide and five inches deep. I need enough room on/in the steamer to haul about 20 or so troopers in addition to the naval gun crews and officers (if I can find any). Torpedoes should be about 2 3/4 inches long. Strictly for looks. Heh. Heh.
Alas, I have no Webley for the pilot, but he is dressed in a braided patrol jacket, with white sun helmet. I will see what I can do about the scarf, a nice touch I should have thought about before I glued him in. Still, with some tweezers and wafer thin sheet metal...
Got my Old Glory Pathans today. Some nice poses but hard to clean. Several flagbearers. White kind of flag did Pathans carry? What colors should they be painted? The mind boggles.
I am so excited about the ship, I could ... ! Yikes I did! Also got my Practical Wargamer for January. The last one. Will take my time reading it. Ho Ho. Love the idea of watch your bloody lead. Laughed so hard I .....
Chuck TP
DAN TO CHUCK
Sir Charles Pasha,
Blueprints for Her majesty's ship General Gordon are complete. Furthermore, you will be pleased to know that her keel was laid this very morning. She measures 19-14/16" from stem to stem with a beam of 4" at the waterline. Further specifications are required with regards to her propulsion plant. CurTent plans call for a single paddlewheel to be placed on the stdb side. If you wish, this may be changed to a hidden centerline-mounted paddlewheel which allows for theoretical use as either a paddle or screw-driven vessel.
Further design features include a helicopter pad amidships. Single stack, armored pilot house. It was difficult to find enough steel plate to armor any other vital areas. Boiler plate from the derailed locomotive "Colin Pasha" has been pressed into service to protect the pilot house and torpedo RSLs. Canvas awnings will, of course, be placed over exposed main deck areas fore and aft. Officer's country aft on 0-1 level, away from the ungentlemanly noise and heat of the fireroom and main boilers. Helo crew "ready room" aft of pilot house. Flying bridge on roof of pilot house. It is also not too late to change the vessel's name as well. Afterall, why would you name a steamer after a LIVING general? Rather bold I must say.
Your servant, etc., Ship Plan Dan Richard & Sons Shipyard Alexandria
DAN TO CHUCK
Charles Pasha,
I have been working my coolies all night and am happy to report the following work completed on HMS General Gordon: Main deck. Main deck gunwales. Main deck superstructures fore and aft, the forward being crew's living and working spaces and the aft being living/berthing spaces for up to twenty-four (24) troops. There is an amidship's athwartship passageway 1- 1/2 wide between the two superstructures to allow for rapid port/stbd movement of personnel.
Main deck passageways are likewise 1- 1/2" wide. 0- 1 level deck is complete. Making gunwales for 0- 1 level now. Stack is complete, made from a magic marker tube with reinforcing bands made from rubber band sections superglued in place. All main structures are both white glued and super glued. Main deck gunwales also "riveted" in place with small nails just above the waterline.
I unilaterally decided to forego the paddlewheel for flexibility's sake (read simplicity). Actually I thought it would look too much like an ACW vessel with a pw. Most would be screwdriven by latter part of century anywhoo. After 0- 1 gunwales I am making the pilot house and officer's country. Then the helo deck. And, by the by, I have been meaning to ask, what is a helicopter? All parts sanded smooth as a babies ass.
I best get back to the graving dock. Dan
CHUCK TO DAN
I received your report and am quite pleased with the progress, albeit so slow. As you know, Sir Viscount Hadley-Paige and retinue are bottled up in Bathsheba and I cannot embark on a terror rescue raid unless I get my short-ranged helo within a few clicks of the fortress. Don't forget to include several bales of stores for the journey. As far as a name and considering the due date, should we entertain the idea of Valentine Baker Pasha?
Commodore Chuckles, Commander, Expeditionary Force, Cairo
DAN TO CHUCK
Richard & Sons Shipyard
Commodore Chuckles,
Valentine Baker Pasha she shall be. Lady Emma Colcroft-Wilmont Baker, mother of the hero, is in Alexandria and has graciously consented to honour us by christening the ship this very afternoon. Every effort is being made towards rapid completion. The pilot house, stack, officer's quarters, and helo deck are in place, as are the support stanchions for the 0- 1 and 0-2 (helo deck) levels. Shakedown cruise and trials will be carried out en route to your location to further expedite delivery. The coolies are now awake and back to work. Also, just to be sure, how long and far apart are the skids on the helo?
Next to be installed is the main mast, pilot house roof, handrails and topside torpedo magazines.
Valentine's Day you say? The right honourable Sir Hadley-Paige will certainly be back amongst friends enjoying tea and crumpets by that late date! Opted for large windows vs port holes considering the climate and my experience in same. That is also reason for awnings wherever possible. And white paint. Large windows allow for more air to circulate. I am sure you will agree with this change. Left plenty of space to place field guns on foc'sle and fantail. I was going to make swiveling mounts but, not knowing gun size and exact dimensions this is really quite impossible. Back to work. Time is awastin.
Yours, etc. Dan Richards, Richards & Sons
CHUCK TO DAN
Skids are 2.75 long and 1.5 wide (skid to skid). Tallest height is 2 inches. Should I get some of Richard Houston's guns??? I have plenty of wheeled artillery but nothing with naval mounts.
The Houston stuff still available lists 4-barreled Hotchkiss Revolvers on cone mounts in 57 and 37mm. Also Gardners and Nordenfelts. And 12 and 15 pound quick firing guns on naval mounts. He also has naval crews, fire fighting parties and men in the water, plus pom poms, deck hatches and a whole lot of other stuff, like small boat davits, etc. Should I try and send you the list????? Sounds to me as though the ship is coming along swimmingly.
Viscount Vadun- Smythe
CHUCK TO DAN
Here's the list!
BIG STICKS! 25mm Naval Guns, Crews, And Ships Fittings For Colonial Period Gunboats, Warships, And Shore Batteries By exclusive arrangement with the retiring Richard Houston. Studio 33 Productions can now offer the world these unique miniatures from the The Richard Houston Collection. Designed for scratch builders and hobbyists wishing to dress up commercially available ship models, these pieces are once again available by mail order.
| Item # | Description | Price |
|---|---|---|
| WC-01 | 30-pdr QF on mount w/half round shield | $3.50 |
| WC-02 | 37mm 4 barreled Hotchkiss Revolver on cone mount | $3.00 |
| WC-03 | 57mm 4 barreled Hotchkiss Revolver on cone mount | $3.50 |
| WC-04 | 1 -pdr Maxim-Nordenfelt on mount | $3.50 |
| WC-05 | 2 barreled Gardner Machine Gun on cone mount | $2.50 |
| WC-06 | 3 barreled Nordenfelt Machine Gun on cone mount | $2.50 |
| WC-07 | 5 barreled Nordenfelt Machine Gun on cone mount | $3.00 |
| WC-08 | 75mm Maxim-Nordenfelt field gun on w/flat shield | $3.50 |
| WC-09 | French 75mm M 1897 field gun on mount w/flat shield | $3.50 |
| WC-10 | 9-pdr RBL field gun on mount w/flat shield | $3.50 |
| WC-11 | 12-pdr RBL field gun on mount w/flat shield | $3.50 |
| WC-12 | 15-pdr QF on naval mount w/flat shield | $3.50 |
| WC-13 | 12-pdr QF on naval mount w/flat shield | $3.50 |
| WC-14 | Gatling M 1874 MG ("Coffee Grinder") on cone mount | $2.50 |
| WC-15 | Gatling M1883(Accles Feed, enclosed barrels) cone mount | $2.50 |
| WC-20 | 1-pdr "Pom Pom" on 2 wheel carriage | $4.00 |
| WC-21 | Deck Hatches (1/2" x 3/4"), set of 6 | $2.50 |
| WC-22 | Bulkhead Hatches (1/2" x 1"), set of 6 | $4.00 |
| WC-23 | Ship's Ladders (6/18" x 15/18"), pair | $3.00 |
| WC-24 | 1-pdr on cone mount | $3.00 |
| WC-25 | British Naval Gun Crew (1879 Uniforms), 5 | $3.50 |
| WC-29 | 15-pdr RBL on 2 wheel carriage | $4.00 |
| WC-31 | Naval Gun Crews (mixed poses), 8 | $5.00 |
| WC-32 | Fire Fighting Party (2 w/axe, 1 w/bucket, 1 w/hose) | $3.00 |
| WC-33 | Heavy Gun Crew, 4 w/shell, 4 w/charge | $5.00 |
| WC-34 | Gun Crews (small shells, 3 different poses), 8 figures | $5.00 |
| WC-35 | Survivors (swimmers), 4 different poses | $2.50 |
| WC-36 | Medium Gun Crew (2 poses), 8 figures | $5.00 |
| WC-40 | 60-pdr BL (1880's forward), 3" long | $5.00 |
| WC-41 | 100-pdr BL (1870's), 3 3/4" long | $7.00 |
| WC-42 | Elswick 4.7 (36-pdr) central pivot gun (I 880's), 3 long | $5.00 |
| WC-43 | 6" QF BL (1880's), 3 3/4" long | $6.00 |
| WC-44 | 8" QF BL (1880's), 4" long | $9.00 |
| WC-60 | Small Boat Davits (2 1/2" tall), pair | $3.00 |
| WC-61 | Large Boat Davits (4" tall, w/small holes), pair | $4.50 |
| WC-62 | Largest Boat Davits (4" tall, solid), pair | $4.50 |
| WC-63 | Ventilators, 13/4" tall, pair | $2.00 |
| WC-70 | 15mm Crews (21 figures) | $9.00 |
DAN TO CHUCK
Man. What a list. I look at my once magnificent HMS VBP and remember drawing stickmen. I feel so inferior. Man. Cool stuff. Hey man, you can order any of that and have them mail it to me if you want me to put it on. I just wanted to get it to you as quickly as possible cause I know you're in the mood for waterbourne helo ops vs. various and sundry native races. All you's have to do is glue it in place on the balsa. I tell ya, even the hatches look cool to me. I am definitely printing out that e-mail. Those cone mounted guns and shields would really look fab, baby. Time to prime. Lemme know.
DR RSS
DAN TO CHUCK
Sir Charles,
Phase I (construction) is complete. Phase II (painting) will commence after nap nap time. Richard Houston's guns? Hell, order them all! They are cheap. And cool. You can do shipalts yourself. Just glue them in place. You should make the mounts so that the guns can be interchangeable anyway, don't you think? More variety. I have seen plenty of pictures showing field pieces on deck as well. I started getting carried away. Problem is, the more "neat stuff', the less deck space/elbow room for troops. God I wish I had a copy of The Sandpebbles to watch right now. I am really in the mood to raise some riverboat sailor havoc. Bomb lockers ended up close enough (tee-hee) to the stack to allow for mishaps!
Mounted a deck crane aft of stack as well. Aviation fuel line (AV GAS) attached to after stbd bulkhead brings fuel from fuel bunker below decks through 0- 1 level to deck of helo pad. Pipe and cover on deck to be labeled "AV GAS". More possibilities for mishaps. First aid, damage control (DC), small arms, and gun mount ammo/equipment lockers throughout ship. Helo pad plenty big, 5 X 3-1/4.
I made jack and flag staffs that raise and lower but they took up too much space on deck, esp. in stored position so discarded. I assume that "Fightin' Val" will spend most of her time steaming anyway. To that end, she will fly not only the naval ensign and pennant, but a battle flag as well. I thought about making a motor whale boat as well ... but you can get one from WF with seated infantry and sailors and all that I think. Maybe Redoubt.
Even though the length has grown from the initially planned 16-18" to 20", space is still at a premium. I left room for gun and crews fore and aft on the main deck. There is room for MGs on the bridge wings, signal bridge, main deck amidships p/s. I even started making ladders but there just ain't space. So all such items must be considered to be internal. Still trying to maybe fit one going up to the signal bridge or helo deck. Want to leave plenty of room for deploying infantry or, better yet, repelling boarders! The perils we shipbuilders face. You have no idea.
Yours, etc. DR, RSS
CHUCK TO DAN
Viscount Vadun has authorized me to procure such items as arms, hatches, etc., from the Lewis factory and have them sent directly to you for inclusion on the Valentine. To facilitate this end, would you please provide a list of naval stores desired and I will handle the necessary paperwork.
The naval crews could be recruited from either the Houston or Redoubt naval depots. I have no experience with the Houston personnel nor am I certain that the Redoubt crews can be parted from their steamers. Any advice you can provide along these lines will be greatly appreciated.
As regards the matter of the fuel lines, ammo and proximity to boilers, fear not. In Viscount Vadun-Smythe's opinion, and I quote, "It will be a rare day in hell when a heathen will bring my boiler to bay." I did not remind him that such an explosion would be a rare day indeed for the flesh of those present. He is quite fussy and preoccupied these days, spending all available hours seeing to preparations of the helo and snorting slurs at one and all.
While these arrangements must needs slow the actual process of getting underway, it was felt that putting unskilled labor to work on finishing such a monumental opus would be sorry dregs indeed and unfitting a Soldier of the Queen.
Hamish McTightfist, Ship stores and accounting
DAN TO CHUCK
Commodore Vadun,
I am pleased to report that Her Majesty's Ship Valentine Baker Pasha is primed and drying. I am in receipt of your telegrams authorizing shipalts and ordalts. These will of course be carried out (below) although I must protest that such changes are quite irregular. Furthermore, I cannot insist too strongly that the firm of Richards & Sons not be held responsible, etc., for resultant cost overruns and delivery delays, etc., etc.
One shipalt made since last report, and within specifications: Main mast removed from signal bridge to allow for placement of awning. This area will now be referred to as simply the flying bridge and is situated immediately above the pilot house. All helm orders will be communicated via voice tube. The mast has now been relocated to just aft and is in fact attached to the stack. This combination will in the future be referred to as simply "the mack."
I believe I referred to the stores and armaments loading and transferring device previously as a crane. This description was inaccurate, etc. The device is actually a stick boom. Quite tricky to operate but very efficient in the hands of an experienced operator. You will ensure all hands adequately trained, qualified, and properly supervised before operating this device.
The joint Royal Navy/Royal Artillery Board convened a number of committees to examine your armaments request. Final authorization granted and received from ADM Bacon, Coventry Ordnance Works (COW) this evening. The following requisitions have been authorized from the firm Studio 33 : WC-01 30-pdr QF on mount with half-round shield.
Note: Your request for even larger guns, in your words "the bigger, the better" and "those long barrels scare the beejeezus out of the locals" did not hold much water with the board and was dismissed with almost indecent haste.
Note: Although the Maxim-Nordenfelt and French 75mm guns were considered by the board, they were in the end rejected. Some comments include: "Good God, man. The Boowers (Boers) use those" and " the recoil on the former is altogether too lively for shipboard use, I am sure you will agree" and "Good God, man. The French make those!"
WC-05 2-barreled Gardner MG on cone mount., WC-15 Gatling M1883. Note: Although multi-barreled guns are quite unsporting, the board feels that the operating handcranks has a positive effect on the morale of the men. WC-24 1-pdr on cone mount. Note: Order this gun only if it is a Hotchkiss. Otherwise substitute WC-04 1-pdr Maxim-Nordenfelt on mount.
Chuck. I will mount these guns on mobile platforms so that they can be moved around depending on the situation. Historically, ships have mount locations all over the place. Far more than guns and crews to man them all. How about canvas covers for the guns? I will see if my coolie labor can sew some. The ventilators would look cool, too. Just no place to mount them. Made hatches out of plastic. No need for that added expense. Also recommended: WC-25 British Naval Gun Crew (5), WC-31 Naval Gun Crews (8), WC-32 Fire Fighting Party.
Note: WC-42 4.7 gun on central pivot is a very nasty looking gun with a flared muzzle. Thinking of that monster slung beneath the belly of the helo for use as a single-shot problem-solver makes me giggle. I can imagine the dicing not only for hit/miss and damage, but for saving throws for the chopper as well.
Back to work, DR RSS
DAN TO CHUCK
Man.
There I was, digging thru the old catalogs looking for the whaleboat and crew loaded with infantry. Did not find it. Must be WF. But I do have all the Redoubt catalogs. And there on the back page of The Sudan Range wrap, to my horror, was pictured the "Sudan Paddle Steamer." Just in case you somehow missed it - and I am assuming you did cause if you didn't you probably could not have resisted - the description reads: "A superb model of a Nile river paddle steamer, based on the type used during the wars in the Sudan, 1883-98. This is an impressive kit, with two decks, boiler, cabin and wheelhouse, overall 14" long and 4" wide, made of resin and white metal. Our kit comes complete with defensive barricades of sacks and boxes on both decks and all parts as illustrated. There is a crew of 6 including stokers and ratings plus two guns - a Gardner and a 7lb screw gun that can be taken ashore - with crews for both. Also included are 12 sailors and soldiers to man the barricades."
I felt a bit better when I saw the $195.00 price tag. And then you would still have to assemble and paint it all. And "yours is 6" longer." Lucky you. Didn't see the cool crew members offered separately, but the guns and crews are 15.00 each. Did see some other stuff that was neatoh as well. SD19 General Gordon; SD20 Colonel Fred Bamaby; SD21 The Mahdi sitting on a cushion; SD23 British gentleman in straw boater with walking stick; SD24 British Lady with parasol.
I am uplifted, despite the beauty of Redoubt's steamer, in the knowledge that VBP has been purpose-built as a hunter-killer and is not merely some converted and tired scow pressed into service. While not as heavily armored as the "Melik" class armored steamers, she is nonetheless one-of-a-kind. Ugly as she is.
OK bro, Late, DR RSS
CHUCK TO DAN
Your ltr of the 26th just forwarded to me for reply. Pls understand that the Redoubt steamer was rejected in favor of your cheaper and more dangerous design STOP To that end please proceed minus any whining STOP Yrs the best and any second thots shd be shelved. STOP Yrs fr better mental h1th.
Harrington Moode-Altring Esq., Ships Psychologist & Dogsbody
CHUCK TO DAN
Letters of authorization have been dispatched this morning with a copy forwarded to you for your voluminous records. All overcharges will be paid from the booty derived from our expedition, so better make sure those hatches are watertight and the armor is thick. As to all the substitutions being carried out, although it is not within my province to say so, I concur with the rejection of arms of French manufacture. As they say, Fuzzys and Froggies don't mix well with tinned peaches, eh?
Hamish
CHUCK TO DAN
It occurred to me that I should have a sturdy albeit transparent mount I could use to take the intrepid chopper away from shipboard and over the fray. It would have to be easy on and off. I assume such things are available. Any ideas?
Chu ck
DAN TO CHUCK
The Right Honourable Sir Viscount Commodore Charles Vadun,
It is my duty to forward to you the enclosed confidential report re: HNIS the Valentine Baker Pasha after extensive and exhaustive observation and underway trials that most assuredly will be of interest to those sailing said vessel in harm's way.
1) Pilot house armor plate installed on forward bulkheads and port and stdb windows only. Side doors to ph are wooden. An apparent oversight. Perhaps a cost-cutting move by RSS. The same goes for engineering spaces; only the forward bulkhead and window are armored. Thus the 2 most vital spaces will remain extremely vulnerable to flanking fire.
2) Flying bridge front and partial sides armored. But rear area of fb, the signal bridge area, completely open to enemy fire. Also, voice tubes from fb to ph Helm and lee helm project above armor plate and are thus in danger of battle damage. Battle damage to these could cause helm (steering)/lee helm (speed, forward, reverse) to be misinterpreted or not heard at all.
3) Boiler laid full-to aaf (ahead flank speed) resulted in a rather impressive speed over the water of 18.4 knots during bravo trial phase. With addition of weapons, full load, complement, etc., this speed can be expected to fall to 15 knots. Speed at af (ahead full) 12 (10) knots.
4) Fire main loop exposed in overhead lines transverse midship's athwartship passageway. One stray or well-aimed bullet could disable firemain.
5) Avgas fuel line dangerously exposed aft stbd quarter.
6) Torpedo storage canisters and bomb lockers completely exposed on boat deck.
Ships plans forwarded by surface courier. Citadel makes several different size stands for flying machines. Check w/ the fantasy folks.
Lt. Fitzclarence Cunynghame, RN attache and site rep. to RSS, Alexandria and avid MWAN reader
CHUCK TO PATRICK WILSON (handling Houston's order)
Sir Patrick,
Activity at the shipyards is becoming frantic, as the trainers and fitters await crews and arms to arrive. Will they get there before the Egyptians? The fate of all is in your hands. Hoping to hear from you soonest.
Viscount Charles
DAN TO CHUCK
Sir Charles,
Just finished putting the finishing touches on "the Fighting Pasha." Fire plugs, topside locker details, deck awning for boat deck (0- 1 level), final paint touch-up, and flags. Mounted flags on the mack from top to bottom Battle Flag (oversize Union Jack), commissioning pennant, and naval ensign. All she needs now is her teeth and a crew worthy of her.
I must also inform you that a possible breach in security took place. Shipyard security officers apprehended a suspicious character seen snooping around the graving dock where VBS is moored. When searched he was found to have notes containing confidential information about the ship in question on his person. The suspect fled the scene and was not actually apprehended until outside the yard gates. As a result, he was turned over to the Egyptian constabulary for questioning during which it is reported he suffered a stroke and died of natural causes. I am told that throughout the ordeal he repeatedly insisted that he was an agent of Her Majesty's government and a Lieutenant in the Royal Navy at that. What audacity!
Your obedient servant, etc., D. Kelly-Richards, RSS
DAN TO CHUCK
Sir Vadun-Smyth,
Richards & Sons in receipt of 75,000 pounds sterling as payment for design, lay-in and construction of HMS Valentine Baker Pasha. Said vessel still rides high quayside awaiting armament. My God, man. How much longer can our boys hold out down in that hell?
These delays must certainly become a matter for inquiry. The organization, habitual practices, and battle orders of HM service must be studied to see where the blame lies. It certainly does not lie with this firm. Indeed, the project was finished well ahead of schedule. Is RSS to blame if armament requisitions languish unseen in some slovenly clerk's in box at COW? And certainly, the Admiralty, with full knowledge of the plight of HM troops, has failed to send out a relief force of any kind, but instead ordered a powerful steamer to remain in harbour until all armament is in place.
I have gleaned from The Times that the public is being persuaded otherwise. That no crisis exists. This game of pretense has gone on ever since the beginning of the siege, with the connivance of the Government as though it were some necessity of State, lest some evil chance should make the smoldering scandal break and blaze before the people. The public admission of failure to aid HM cherished soldiers would indeed be too great a strain, and so the cry is "Tell it not in Gath, publish it not in the streets of Askalon lest the daughters of the Philistine rejoice."
This is certainly not an indictment of you, commodore. You are certainly aware of my feeling, admiration, etc. for you. It is, rather, an arraignment of a system. Not of a man. For the man is the victim of the system which produced him.
Your faithful ass kisser, etc., D. Kelly-Richards, RSS
CHUCK TO DAN
Odd ducks, I say. Whilst I champ at the bit exerting myself in every way possible to obtain extraordinary concessions, I find myself subjected to such blather as I have not encountered since Gladstone let the cat out of the bag in Ireland. Get a grip, man. You have already sent my adjutant, young Barclay-Pertwillow to certain death at the hands of the bloody Egyptians - a situation which does not roundly displease as I suspected him as a double agent of the Ring. Still, the act of an easily excited man - something I was sure you were not. Perhaps the strain of the project was too much for you or you are suffering from the heat. Take a chota peg or two, relax with a dusky lass of elephantine proportions, smoke a pipe or two and nod off awhile. 1, for my part, will continue to flay (verbally, alas) the arms merchants in hopes of giving you that which you rightfully seek. Mount the guard. Be vigilant. Fresh horses and wine for all. Rely on me and you'll not be lost.
VCVS
CHUCK TO DAN
I do have a spare naval gun crew but they are Redoubt and possibly cross to a 32mm height. Not such a great match with Houston's. Guess I'll save them for shore duty. Painted a little more and got another 5 Pathans 3/4 done and 5 more ready to paint. Since these are the most difficult to paint, I'll try and get this unit done and go on to something easier. With any luck we'll have a few units to play with by the time you arrive. Possibly not enough to unleash the Fuzzbuster, but who knows?
The sun finally came out this morning, something that improves the spirits but moves the body away from the painting bench. Howsornever, Monika may go and visit a friend and I may take advantage of the opportunity to turn on talk radio and fire up the brush. Anyway, the good news is that I am working on some impressive but inexpensive terrain too. Lotsa wasser for the Baker. Cheerful Charlie
CHUCK TO DAN
Do you have a reliable source for PolyS? I am out of grass green and am rapidly approaching the end of the khaki. All I can find around here are near-empty displays that never get refilled. I still mourn the end of my Magic Wand paints. All those great leather colors. Seems like the good stuff always disappears first.
After that little painting block of mine, I now find it easy to slip into the zone. You know, the one where you turn on the radio or TV and more or less lose consciousness as you paint away, oblivious to your surroundings until the phone rings and you realize several hours have gone by. Alas, not being a professional, I can't do this as often as I'd like, but I'm hoping to make a dent in my unpainted lead before you arrive. We may have to pit some unusual troop types against each other, but that'll be fun. For sure I'll have fuzzys, Pathans, Indians and FFL, plus an Egyptian krupp and crew. Yikes! I'll have to stay up late devising a scenario for this one.
Best, Chuck
CHUCK TO DAN
Date: 16 February 1899 - From: Vadun-Smythe - To: Sir Daniel Richardson Esq., Officer Commanding, Gurkha escort overland
Received yours of the 16th inst., and am glad to hear this interminable wait is almost over. Alas, I have received another report that confirmed our worst fears. A reporter is with the besieged group. None other than the muckraking Irish dandy, Wolford Brady, whose contempt for Britannia's finest is legendary. Thus posing a conundrum: If we are successful in our rescue, we will be no doubt lambasted in the popular press for dereliction of duty. If we are late, well. There is no need to contemplate the disastrous stories that will surely follow.
It is also rumored that the only escort of this party is a half company of Indian troops and a quick-firing gun manned by three members of the Royal artillery. A small force indeed, to deal with so much travail. My understanding is that a small jetty is available for a landing of troops, but that the strongpoint is a march away. We shall see. Looking forward to your arrival with the understanding that our journey may be a disaster whether we are successful or no.
CV-S
DAN TO CHUCK
To: The Times London Foreign Desk, From: G. J. Whyte-Melville correspondent for the Near East
She smells of fresh paint and is quite a site to see STOP Look how she gleams in the morning sun STOP Look how she rides proudly at her mooring station STOP How she tugs at her lines, straining to get at the foe as if she understands her mission and can wait no longer STOP The raised letters on her stem form the name of her famous and beloved namesake Valentine Baker Pasha STOP Today she becomes the newest member of Her Majesty's Navy STOP At her commissioning old war-worn veterans attend in reverent silence to pay homage to their staunch commander who never shirked his duty and whose gallant handsome face never hardened towards a suppliant as it never blanched before a foe STOP May she live up to her name in keeping with the finest traditions of the Royal Navy STOP
QUEEN VICKI TO DAN
To: Richards & Son - From: Queen Victoria - Re: Commissioning
Atta Boy!
DAN TO CHUCK
Date: 16 February 1899 - From: D. Richards, RSS - To: Commodore Sir Charley VadunSmythe, Officer Commanding, Long-Awaited Trans-Egypt (LATE) Expeditionary Force
HMS Valentine Baker Pasha departing tomorrow for rendezvous your location. I continue to receive daily reports of continued build-up of Fuzzies, Pathans, and other various unwashed types. I will accompany the overland force due to arrive your location 4-5 March 1899 if all paperwork can be completed in time. As Her Majesty's senior civil servant in the region, I will accompany the column to ensure camel emissions and other potential toxins do not rise above acceptable levels. I will also be distributing large quantities of the Queen's shilling to any natives encountered that do not speak the Queen's English. A company of Gurkhas will accompany me as my personal guard. Any word from the garrison at We-ara-Skruwd? Dare we hope to arrive on time?
Your servant, etc., D. Richards
THE BATTLE
The adventure started when I read an incredible colonial scenario on the web. Without giving away any of the details, it featured a British steamer with a steam powered helicopter flying from shipboard. Yahoo! Of course, having that wasn't enough, I had to have the steamer too, so I had my friend Dan create one. The Valentine Baker. Room for guns and crew and two companies of colonial troops, plus artillery and the steam chopper, its crew and the ship's complement. By now you should have read a sampling of the e-mail exchanges that took place during the ship's construction.
Since Dan was coming to San Diego for a visit en route to the West Coaster (a toy soldier show), we decided to bloody my new colonial troops and the steamer and fuzzbuster (our new name for the helo). The rules would be modified Sword & The Flame. Troops were limited to whatever I could paint by the time Dan arrived, resulting in a strange order of battle.
The Evil Dan's Forces
- One 20 man unit of Fuzzy Wuzzys
One 15 man unit of Pathans
One 10 man unit of Ansars
One 10 man unit of French Foreign Legionnaires
One 3 man FFL Machine Gun Unit
One 4 man Egyptian Krupp Gun and crew
The Glorious Chuck's Forces
In the besieged outpost:
One 10 man unit of Brifish-officered Indian Infantry One 3 man crew and a screw gun Civilians: Lord and Lady Huffenpuff and Times Reporter Wolford Brady One 4 man heliograph crew One naval brigade sailor
In the relief force:
HMS Valentine Baker with a quick-firing gun and two gatlings plus 10 crew One 20 man unit of British Regulars One 20 man unit of British Rifles One 4 man 9 pound gun One Fuzzbuster with pilot and four shipboard crewmen
The table was 8 feet x 3 feet, with the river running along the length of the table, past mountains and scrub brush to the outpost, located at the furthest end. The outpost itself had three levels and ample room for all the defenders. The dock near the residency was the only place where troops could disembark. We set the Valentine Baker's move distance at 12 inches per turn, so the defenders only had to hold out for 8 turns. With all that established, the adventure begins...
The Valentine Baker began its j ourney without event, neither drawing nor giving fire. At the residency, however, breakfast was followed by the sound of French gunfire. A member of the Punjab infantry toppled from the first level to the courtyard below. "Good shooting for long range," harumphed Lord Huffenpuff to his wife Bridget as he passed her a well-oiled rifle and bandoleer. Lieutenant Forbes-Smithers raced outside with a section of infantry to meet the attackers, forming a diagonal line with the screw gun crew on the right, facing off against the French line. Fire was exchanged and a couple of Legionnaires toppled. Suddenly, with a fierce war cry, the Fuzzy Wuzzys attacked. Once they flung their spears and rushed in to grapple with the thin khaki line, it was all over in an instant. The outside contingent was no more and the outpost was beginning to take fire from Ansar riflemen as well as the Legionnaires.
Back aboard the VB, a few random shots pinged away as the Fuzzbuster was launched by the Airhussars. A tense moment ensued as damage was checked. No boiler or av gas lines hit! The ship's guns quickly and decisively dealt with a section of Pathans skulking in the scrub and the VB steamed peacefully on.
The residency was under full attack now, as the French, Ansars and Fuzzys all stormed the building simultaneously. In a flash, they were at the walls. Too many to kill before they would close with the stalwart defenders.
The VB came under fire of a FFL machine gun and the Krupp gun, manned by a skilled Egyptian crew. The MG raked the crew of the quick-firing gun, sending dead and dying sailors into the fetid, churning, brackish water. The Fuzzbuster pilot decided to loose a rocket at the enemy guns but it hooked off into the mountains, exploding harmlessly. Or did it? No. By sheer chance, the rocket detonated in the midst of the remainder of the hidden Pathans, killing their leader and causing the remainder of the unit to leave the field in disgrace.
The return fire from the ship was deadly and the Egyptians and Legionnaires slumped to the ground in a huddled mass. The Valentine Baker steamed on, but the lookout cried out, "The Black Flag!" And indeed, the Black Flag of the Fuzzy Wuzzys could be seen atop the highest point of the residency. Was it too late?
Not yet. But things were getting hairy. As additional infantry slumped at their posts or plummeted off the walls, the members of the heliograph crew raced outside, remanned the screw gun and got off one good shot before being massacred by the ubiquitous Fuzzys. The remainder of the attackers scaled the walls, cutting down all resistance. The remaining defenders could see the VB approaching and thought they might still have a chance. They fired and kicked and scrambled up the stairs to the highest level, followed by a Fuzzy or two; one carrying the dreaded black flag. The naval rating fired and the Fuzzy with the flag fell screaming at his feet. The top level was now cleared of enemies, but the remainder of the three forces, French, Ansar and Fuzzy all passed a gut check and continued the assault. Rifle fire cleared one of the second level porches and the defenders took heart. The way was open to retreat downward, gaining enough time for the VB to dock and the rescuers to disembark.
Without opposition, the VB steamed for the dock, using it's deck guns to wipe out all Fuzzys and Legionnaires not in the building. The Fuzzbuster hung motionless over the scene, too close to risk a stray rocket or hand bomb deflection. The men of Alf company saddled up and sprinted from the dock to the building. The rifles made ready to follow. All hung on the turn of a card. And the card was BLACK. The last Fuzzy leaped onto the unoccupied porch, preventing the defenders from fleeing in that direction, while the remnants of the Ansar and FFL gained the high ground in wild melee. When the action stopped and the smoke cleared, the consequences of the reckless butchery was plain to see. The final five defenders lay huddled together in a bloody, lifeless heap. The FFL officer knew it was over. There was no escaping two full companies of the Queen's own, but he smiled as he raised his revolver for a final shot or two. Those English had failed to rescue anyone. Zut! Alors! Ka-pow! Finis!
In retrospect, we allowed that the chief mistake made by the Brits was allowing any defenders to fight outside the residency building itself. The attackers might have done better if they ignored the VB and Fuzzbuster entirely and concentrated all forces on the defenders. In any case, the suspense held up until the last second, which is about as good as it gets in wargaming!
Until next time, we remain two crusty old wargamers.
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© Copyright 1999 Hal Thinglum
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