After twenty-five years of role playing I've often wondered why there are ever any kings in role play game worlds. After all, kings are just high level fighters. And how strong are they, really!?! Why aren't worlds controlled by wizards? Sure they're weak at low levels but once they get strong they can't be beaten by mere fighters. They have wishes!!! After many years of thought I think I have an answer. It isn't the fighters that stop them. It is the wizards themselves. And not by titanic duels of magic (ala Magic the Gathering TM) but much earlier in their lives; At school. This article presents the life of three wizards and how their experiences eventually defeat them. WHO CHOOSES TO BECOME A WIZARD? There is an old stereotype in gaming that low level wizards are thin, puny guys who have high squeaky voices and get sand kicked in their faces by fighter jocks. So who are these guys and why do they choose such a nerdy profession? Low self esteem! That has got to be it! All beginning wizards know that they will be weak for a long time but they start out on the path anyway. They must be full of dreams about what it will be like when they are on the top. Dreams that sustain them throughout the years. Without big, one might almost say insanely unrealistic dreams, no one would choose to endure the years of study and abuse that go into reaching the big time. Would they do it if they ever had a date in high school? Would they put on those pointy hats if they were any good at sports? NAAAAA!!! They would have been fighters! Or at worse a cleric. But they were not any good in gym. And since they could not live life in the now, they had to live it in fantasy. Wizards (like James Bond) always get the girl, never do anything wrong and ALWAYS look cool. "Ooooooo, doesn't Gandalf look cool in that pointy hat! I want to be just like him!!!" So our three hero/geeks, set out to learn their trade. HOW TO BECOME A WIZARD Three young men head out from their home village. Full of dreams, dressed in new pointy hats, they meet on the road and discuss their ambitions. "I'm going to be the greatest wizard ever! I've enrolled in Alcazar's Magic School! He's the best." Says Dexter (the smartest kid in school). "Well I'm going to beat you to it!" Says Willard. "I'm going to study with the hedge wizards and learn from the spirits and fairies." "HA!" laughs Duffus. "I'm going to join a band of adventurers and make it big by liberating magic items and blasting goblins!" The three part and promise to meet in a year to compare notes. When the anniversary rolls around only Dexter and Willard show up. Here is what happened to Duffus. THE BRIEF BUT SPECTACULAR CAREER OF DUFFUS THE BRAVE Duffus joined a band of adventurers who pledged to work together to secure fortunes. Duffus was delighted to be with such brave lads. And experienced to! Why one of the fighters had been at it for five years! Strangely thought there were no wizards in the group more experienced than Duffus. Duffus soon learned combat magic and quickly proved his use to the party. BAM!!! Down goes another troll. WOOF! Another wraith goes up in flames. OOPS! That spell missed. SPLAT!!! "Darn! There goes another wizard!" moans the party leader. "That's the fifth one this month!!!" "Should we get him resurrected?" "Naaa, let's just hire another!" TWO FRIENDS COMPARE NOTES Dexter and Willard meet at an inn and tell of their last year. Neither admit that they still haven't had any dates. (Duffus did but he's dead.) They also fail to mention that they have learned next to no magic! Instead they are full of big talk and out right lies. "I'm the master's favorite," lies Dexter. "He takes personal interest in my studies. See he gave me this new robe to wear." "Nice coat," says Willard, a little enviously. "The witches and hedge wizards I've been around don't put much stock in such things. Instead they've taught me how to talk to spirits! I've been learning a lot from the dead." They part amiably enough and agree to meet again in four years for a reunion. WILLARD AND THE SCHOOL OF HARD KNOCKS Willard opted to learn natural magic. The magic found in the woods and mountains. Usually taught by hermits and other homeless people, witches, wise women, horse whisperers, well diviners, elves, and the insane. Fairy tales are full of their magic. Unfortunately reality is something less than the fairy tales. First off, hedge wizards live in caves and other dank holes in the ground. When it rains they get wet, when it snows they freeze. They are dirty because it is impossible to stay clean. They eat poorly because, for all the good press of the old wives tales, their services are not widely sought after. Small children call them names. Older children throw rocks at them and chase them off. They are blamed whenever a cow dies or a calf goes missing. "Witch!!! We should BURN you!" Taunt to peasants. Or is it taunt? When a scapegoat is needed. A hedge wizard is often blamed. Burning a few of them solves ever so many political problems. Then again there is the nasty habit hedge wizards have of associating with fairies, spirits and the dead. Willard is not lying when he says he knows how to talk to the dead. Those who walk with spirits often learn such tricks. Much good it does them! "Ah! Now I can learn the secrets of the ages by talking with people from long ago!!!" Chortles Willard. But which dead does he get to talk to? Dead peasants? All they know is how to grub roots. Dead fighters make fun of wimpy wizards. "I get more girls dead, than you get alive. And I smell better to!" The few really knowledgeable people only have out of date information and may well lie to protect their reputations. "LIE?" I hear you cry. "Can they do that?" Oh, yes! So all Willard has really gained in his year of wandering, is dirty cloths, a few tricks and a reputation as a mad man. DEXTER'S EXPERIENCE AT THE MAGIC SCHOOL Dexter's decision to go to the magic school is certainly better than his school mates. The Great Alcazar is widely known as the best wizard in the land. He has a lot to teach. So why is it that Dexter knows so little at the first year reunion? Alcazar is great because he knows secrets known to no one else. He learned them from his master, who learned them from his, back a thousand years. If he teaches everyone all his secrets then what remains to make him so special? When Alcazar takes on a student he gives them a robe of livery. A nice looking coat that shows they work for him. Beginning students join the school on the lowest level. By that I mean the very lowest level! Alcazar takes students because he needs someone to clean out the latrine, cook the meals, do the laundry and sweep the floor. Jobs that are totally beneath him. Dexter spent his first year at school working and getting to know the other students. By taking on extra jobs (for the middle classmen) he is able to learn a few basic magic spells from other students. While he claims to be the masters' favorite this is not true. He never sees the master and if he did the master would not see him. But at least he is well clothed and adequately dressed. HOW HAVE THESE EXPERIENCES MOLDED OUR TWO STUDENTS? Willard and Dexter started off feeling insecure but not admitting it publicly. Had they been able to be a little more honest with themselves they might have started a spiritual path and joined a mystic order. No such luck! Self awareness is not for them! They want power on their own terms. Not beholden to some distant God. So far, life has not given them much power. In fact life has dealt them several kicks in the head. Willard is a scary recluse, taunted by children. Dexter on the other hand seldom gets out of the school and when he does he is seen as no more than a servant. Not the stuff of fantasies of over adequacy! Which means that their realities don't match their fantasies. Oh, the humiliation! If they had any perspective on this they would realize that no one is on top immediately. That it is normal to pay dues. BUT THEY DON'T! They take it personally. They think that life is treating them unfairly. That people are holding them back. Boy, will they get even when they make it!!! WILLARD'S DECENT INTO GRAVE ROBBING Willard, as you may have guessed, is on the road to becoming a necromancer. His isolated study of spirits and nature teach him all about the power of life and death. Evil spirits seek out such people to teach their arts. Why? Because that is one way evil can enact it's plans in the world. Willard doesn't mind. Occasionally he is aided in his studies by other witches (often new guys out to learn hedge wizardry). But more often he stays to himself. Jealously guarding what he has learned and hiding the crimes that go along with learning the art of "resurrection." Raising the dead requires practice. And that means grave robbing. For some reason, the peasants object to having their relatives turned into zombies. They call it "unnatural" and try to burn such wizards. Frequently they succeed! Which prevents many "Willards" from learning what it takes to really raise the dead. If Willard survives to learn this craft. His services suddenly start to pay. Adventurers are always in the need of bringing a good fighter back. But fame comes with a cost. Proto-Necromancers gain a fair bit of wealth and magic for their services. But they also gain a reputation as having money and magic. This makes them targets for raids by parties of fighters and monsters out for a quick buck. Poor Willard lacks the social skills to make friends or recruit allies. Consequently he is very unlikely to survive this period of his training. If he does he will be one in a thousand. A full blown necromancer! MEANWHILE BACK AT THE MAGIC SCHOOL… Magic schools, like most schools, are hierarchical organizations. The master is on top. He is there because he knows all the secrets. Below him are his favorite students. One of these students will become his heir. At the end of his life he will teach this fellow the inner secrets. Below the favorite are the less bright students. And on the bottom the servants (Dexter). Amazingly, after teaching their final lesson, most masters quickly die. Gee I wonder why that is? Could it be that they have nothing more to offer and are just in the way? I don't know. That sounds pretty callus. How could anyone be that evil? Simple! The system is set up that way. Much like medical doctors must go through the hell of med school and residency, magic students go through the hell of a school run by ego maniacs! Consider this. Poor Dexter has to lick even the least of the real student's boot for them to teach him anything. If he is not subservient enough they will teach him nothing and probably throw him out! Once he gets to be a real student, he can beat up servants, but he is still at the beck and call of the favorites. The master uses the students to help him case spells. So they do learn by watching. But the only classes that are taught are done by the favorites. If a favorite does not like you or if a favorite does not like the favorite who likes you, then he will not teach you and may work to have you expelled! If one survives the political nightmare long enough, then maybe, just maybe the master will chose him as a favorite! If the master is young, then it will be decades till he teaches his real lesson. Can Dexter wait that long? If the master is old, will Dexter have enough time to ingratiate himself and so secure his place as top favorite? All is uncertainty. If Dexter is able to cut it, he will have to live with complete uncertainty up until the day he becomes master. And even then, he knows how carefully he must guard his secrets least one of his "favorites" try to take his place! All in all Dexter learns paranoia as a fine art! And above all he learns that ALL other wizards are his rivals and his enemies. Use them if you can but only bow down to them if you must! THE FIVE YEAR REUNION Dexter and Willard are not able to meet in town this time. The local peasants are too angry to allow a murdering fiend like Willard into their village anymore. Instead the two wizards meet on the road. The meeting starts off cordially enough. But unlike the bragging of four years earlier they now have too much to hide. The tension and distrust are obvious, even to them! They promise to meet again in another five years but neither really plans to show up. WIZARDS TURNED OUT OF THE SCHOOL WITHOUT BECOMING MASTERS If Dexter does not play his cards right, he will find himself kicked out of school. Should this happen the shock could kill him! Left on his own, he has no job, no means of support, no chance to move up. He will be adrift. Some go into adventuring. They may survive and even thrive. Others may seek work in royal courts as entertainers or even as bureaucrats. These may also thrive. But many find their spirits broken by the humiliating experience of failure and fall into deep depressions. It is not unheard of for wizards to kill themselves while in such funks. But, no matter what their outcome, without the master's inner knowledge they can never really become great. Wandering Dexters frequently try to gain admittance to other schools. Sometimes they are let in but seldom are they allowed to become favorites. The other students see to that! Remember, all other wizards are rivals! A CHANCE MEETING TWENTY YEARS AFTER LEAVING HOME Through some stroke of luck both Willard and Dexter have zoomed to the top of their career paths in record time. They are out on one of their travels making preparations for their next great magic spell when they meet on the road. "Dexter!" "Willard!" "Good to see you!" What is he doing here? He's been following me! Has he seen what I've been doing? Can I afford to let him go without knowing? NO! ZAP!!!!!!!!!!!!! There can be only one! THE TALE OF THE SELF DEFEATING WIZARD No matter who wins the encounter, both successful wizards have become completely paranoid. Through a hellish period of training they have so altered themselves from their youthful idea is that they are now almost totally withdrawn from human society. "What use are people! I'm about to discover the secret to immortality!" Maybe a few even succeed. But we all know what happens to "Dark Lords". They always get it in the end! Back to Table of Contents -- Matrix Gamer #19 To Matrix Gamer List of Issues To MagWeb Master Magazine List © Copyright 2000 by Chris Engle. 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