I remember how much I enjoyed the movie "Revenge of the Nerds" when it came out. I thought it was funny, irreverent, and fun, until I returned to high school that fall to find all of the jocks and popular kids shouting "NERDS NERDS NERDS!" at me. My group of social misfits never got a cool name like "Trenchcoat Mafia." We were referred to as the "Geek Squad."
What happened in Colorado was wrong, but I can understand why it happened. How many of us who weren't allowed to "fit in" planned a suicide like that? How many of us said, "If I die, I'm taking those bastards with me!" How many of us watched the news on April 20th and thought that could have been me? How many of us wonder why it hadn't happened sooner?
Yes, many of us have been down that road and fortunately never completed the journey, making our fantasy come true. The press will look to place blame on someone. Whether it's a rock group, a video or role-playing game, or a movie. But if you've ever been excluded, picked on, or made to feel less than nothing, then you know why it happened and you know who is to blame.
Where does that leave us? By us I mean those who prefer to use their imaginations rather than their muscles. By us mean, as a friend once observed, "those who wear our souls on the outside for all to bruise." Most likely in a worse place than before. I can imagine some jock-asshole frisking down kids who wear trenchcoats in the weeks to come. I can imagine those who practice a lifestyle apart from the mainstream being more ostracized than before.
For what happened at Columbine High School the press will paint those boys as monsters, and maybe they deserve the title. What's important is to not make them martyrs. I feel bad for them. To have such a low opinion of yourself to have to commit suicide in such a way is unimaginable. There were times in high school when I wanted to die, but I'm glad I didn't.
Believe me when I tell you, if you don't know your worth right at this moment you will know it someday. With the creativity you possess there is a whole world of possibilities out there that don't begin or end at high school. You may even one day find people thinking you're cool. It can happen. I know, it happened to me.
Please don't make what happened on April 20th the new trend. You have a long life ahead of you, and the best way to get revenge over those who put you down now is to live it to its fullest and happiest. Don't waste it on a pointless gesture no one will understand. It's OK to act out your fantasies in the safety of the game environment, just don't act them out in your real life. Someone, possibly you, could get hurt.
I'm looking down the gun barrel of the big "three-oh" this year and I'm glad I made it this far. I'm glad my teenage depressions and fantasies didn't get the best of me. I'm glad I could meet a woman I can spend the rest of my life with and have all of the opportunities my life has brought me. At my 10 year high school reunion I found myself drinking with guys I never thought I would be allowed to associate with, and I ran into a few of the guys who picked on me too. They turned out pretty much how I expected they would... it was nice to rub in their face how well I was doing. I'm glad they never got the best of me. I hope they never get the best of you. Cheers!
JC Carter, Editor-in-Chief, and damn happy!
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