My North-West Frontier Colonial campaign diary is written in mockery of the British Victorian officer class from the late 19th century, with a fashionable fake lisp (faithfully recorded by his Indian scribe) and bombastic attitude. Dictated by Col. Steph Uppalip; What a dweadful bore! Have been attached to this unit and allocated the blasted task of writing this infernal wecord of this Indian wigiment. Chapter 1: January 1897 Week 1. The hill twibes are wevolting! They wefuse to pay the taxes so half a company of Sepoys was sent up to bag a few valuables. Having examined the battle site we deduced that they were pursuing a mule twain when those dastardly Pathans ambushed them. Blasted unlucky! No survivors of course. We lost a Bwitish officer: vewy sad. Oh, and 100 of those Indian chappies as well. Campaign points: -1 for lost battle, -1 for excessive casualties. Current total: –2] Week 2. Sent half a company of Sepoys with half a company of Sikhs and a few Sepias cavalwy to attack a rebelling village. The blasted twoops couldn’t take it. There were twibes men firing from the village and charging down the hills to their right. As casualties mounted the Sepoys and Sikhs were forced to withdraw. We lost 20 killed and 60 wounded. I think some of these twoops deliberately get themselves killed so they don’t have to march back to barracks! [Campaign points: -1 for lost battle. Current total: –3] Week 3. Decided to send some engineers to blow up a village and these villains a lesson. A company of Sikhs, a mountain battery and half a company of Sepoys accompanied the engineers. The Sepoys quickly cleared the village of Pathans. Having secured the village, the explosives were being laid when a group of twibesmen attacked the Sikh held portion from the west. These we sent packing but we lost a few chappies there. Blew the village to smitheweens and left: splendid job. Casualties were twenty killed and ten wounded. [Campaign points: +1 for a successful battle. Current total: –2] Week 4. Ended up in a village together with half a company of Sikhs and a cavalwy patrol. Surrounded by fanatic twibesmen they began to attack. There was just one gwoup, which came down the valley. The Sikhs fought them off losing ten wounded but the enemy must have lost three times more. They came at us a second time now from the mountain. Again the Sikhs met them and a long firefight ensued. The Sikhs lost ten killed and ten wounded and things were looking fwightfully dangerous. Finally the cavalwy worked its way awound the flank and charged, along with a last desperate effort by the Sikhs, and the fanatics fled leaving 60 dead on the slopes. Good show! [Campaign points: +1 for a successful battle. Current total: –1] That’s the campaign so far … slowly recovering from an abysmal start! Campaign Rules Back to Table of Contents -- Lone Warrior # 150 Back to Lone Warrior List of Issues Back to MagWeb Magazine List © Copyright 2005 by Solo Wargamers Association. This article appears in MagWeb.com (Magazine Web) on the Internet World Wide Web. Other articles from military history and related magazines are available at http://www.magweb.com