PHOTO: On anti-U-Boat patrol over the North Atlantic. The following rules originated with the Fleet Air Arm of the Royal Navy, but probably apply equally to aviators (naval or otherwise) all over the world: 1. Any landing you can walk away from is a good landing. Any landing you have to run or swim away from will go on your service record. 2. The blue bumpy stuff round the ship is the sea. Don’t land on it (but see rule 3, below). 3. Be considerate to other naval aviators – don’t block the flight deck. If you absolutely must crash, aim for the blue bumpy stuff (this overrides rule 2). 4. Stay out of clouds. The silver lining everyone talks about might be another aircraft. Over land, mountains have also been known to hide in clouds. 5. The only time you have too much fuel is when you are on fire. 6. The ship is more expensive than you and your aircraft put together and the Captain has signed for it. If he says go round, go round. 7. Barrel-rolling an aeroplane is an acceptable military manoeuvre. Barrel-rolling a helicopter is an expensive form of suicide. 8. Your chances of survival are inversely proportional to the angle you land at. High landing angle, low chance of survival and vice versa. 9. Always bear in mind that the aircraft you are flying was built by the lowest bidder. 10. Mechanical failure is never the ground-crew’s fault. You signed to say you were happy to fly the aircraft. 11. Always try to keep the number of landings you make equal to the number of take-offs you make. 12. Helicopters can’t fly. They are just so ugly that the earth repels them. Back to Table of Contents -- Lone Warrior # 146 Back to Lone Warrior List of Issues Back to MagWeb Magazine List © Copyright 2004 by Solo Wargamers Association. This article appears in MagWeb.com (Magazine Web) on the Internet World Wide Web. Other articles from military history and related magazines are available at http://www.magweb.com