Before me is a game which proclaims itself a rather strange activity involving "exploding children and their cheerfully homicidal babysitter." This is a two-player strategy game targeted for junior high and high school buyers. one player represents the children in this alien playpen, cute little tykes which savagely bite anything within reach and petulantly blow up when the target isn't close enough to be nibbled. The other player takes the part of the "semi-sentient, quasi-organic, polymorphous "Playroom Assassination Device," used by the adults on this unspecified planet to reduce the numbers of their murderous offspring. (One wonders how these adults survived their own childhoods.) Essentially, then, we have a game concerning the killing of children... and it's pretty popular, which means kids are sending their parents in to get it. Can you imagine explaining this little game to somebody's mother? Welcome to the world of retail merchandising. I just got back from a trade show in Pomona, California, where hundreds of companies attempted to persuade me that they had The Hot Items for 1985. No longer as gullible as the young greenhorn, who attended his first show back in 1978, I took such exhortations with a grain of salt. I had learned, that first year, that my good opinion of a particular product didn't matter a whit should the item prove to be unsellable. Trade shows are good for practice, though, because my reactions to a particular product are a pretty reasonable approximation of the reaction I'll get from my own customers. We're entering a phase of "trivial burn-out" (prompted by you-know-what), but the knockoff artists-as usual, a little slow to react- introduced countless trivial variations this year. Many were cleverly disguised, but their true form emerged when those small boxes of question cards appeared. Argh, I thought, another bloody trivia game. That's exactly what my customers would say. No matter how clever--and some were quite clever--new trivia games are at a distinct disadvantage. People are ready for something new, and my customers aren't very tolerant of thinly-disguised attempts to reinvent the wheel. But back to unsellable... just what determines a product's ability to move? An example of self-destruction was Rrib-bit (if I've misremembered the spelling, my apologies to the proud inventor), a two-player strategy game with pieces that moved like chess knights. The game involved control and capture as in chess, checkers, and countless other games. The pieces, however (and this is where the game's name came in), were shaped like little frogs. Strategically, Rrib-bit was quite clever; I thought it a reasonable challenge. But the game was a sales contradiction: the nature of the product appealed to the serious, thoughtful player, but the product's appearance made it look like a joke. Every time I recommended the game, I'd get a queer look. Displaying it was out of the question, and even those customers who play-tested it with me--and admitted enjoying it--couldn't get past its idiotic packaging theme. So I learned a lesson: some products, even if they're excellent games, are not necessarily good displays. A game designed for-and marketed towardour crazier side, though, is a different story. Everybody's going to be hearing a lot about Wabbit Wampage, probably one of the weirdest games ever devised... and also one of the most fun. The game is hardly new; it's just Hares and Hounds with a lot of cockeyed variables thrown in, such as chainsaws and blowtorches. Wabbit Wampage, though, was made to be displayed. I keep a set of instructions and some playing pieces on the sales counter. People can't help but see them. "What," somebody will ask, invariably with a smile, "is this?" Ten seconds later, even if a prior purchase has been made and a check written, Wabbit Wampage will be added to the pile. You can't beat that type of instant appeal. Even if the concept is a bit tasteless. Speaking of questionable taste, the game described at the beginning of this article superbly illustrates the ingenuity required for successful retailing. It's called Globbo, and it comes from the clever folks at Steve Jackson Games Inc. Kids'll pick it up through word-of-mouth, but an occasional parent has to be coaxed into it. My approach is that of the sly wink and apologetic disclaimer: "This seems pretty tasteless," I say, not allowing the customer to mention this fact first, "but it's a lot of fun to play. Besides," and this usually is the cincher, "chess is a rather bloody game, if you examine it carefully. All those pawns being sacrificed to kings and bishops. Sounds pretty hostile to me." People love to have their opinions confirmed, and my agreement with the game's questionable premise gains considerable ground. More important, though, is the insistence on the product's quality, my belief in it. That is very important; never try to sell something you personally don't like. People can smell it on you. I don't let a game's appearance prevent my stocking it if I deem the game intriguing in some other way. Alternatively, I won't handle a product that I feel defective in any manner. That way I don't have to lie, which I refer... it's hard enough being in sales without being compared to the idiots on used car lots. Displays must be chosen with care; nothing will frighten a potential wargamer faster than a no-pieces-barred table full of all the boards and components for Game Designers' Workshop's Europa series. Keep that in the back room, where the serious wargamers can drool over it. Put D-Day out front. Owning a shop has affected my status as a consumer. I never enter a store now without greeting the person behind the counter, because I like it when people talk to me. By the same token, don't forget your status as a customer when you plan your retail displays. Step into the customer's shoes. What would you like to see and hear? That'll help enormously when you plan the next showcase. Products of questionable content can prove very popular, if handled properly. That's why dirty jokes continue to get passed around. In the meantime, I've got a great game for you. it's all about the intricacies and inconsistensies of our country's welfare system. Back to Table of Contents -- Game News #7 To Game News List of Issues To MagWeb Master Magazine List © Copyright 1985 by Dana Lombardy. This article appears in MagWeb (Magazine Web) on the Internet World Wide Web. Other military history articles and gaming articles are available at http://www.magweb.com