A year ago they said I was crazy. It was my fault, I suppose, for broadcasting my intentions to willing and unwilling listeners alike, but I wasn't prepared for the barely suppressed chuckles and crude one- liners that invariably followed every official statement I made. "Too much Napoleon in his brandy," they said. Well, I showed 'em, You can conquer the world in twenty turns (or less). Now my name is feared across most of the civilized world. Great walls of stone and enchanted metal have fallen to my rams, and my outriders are close enough to the "great" Eastern civilization to snatch innocent, curly-headed children who still consider the forest a safe place to play. And as sure as I'm sitting here writing this, the name of Dragna is being shouted across smoky conference rooms where diplomats and generals are pondering solutions to a problem no longer solvable. False confidence? Not according to the Sacred Oracle of Knowledge, who predicts my empire will encompass 1000 zilbfarts of prime terrain after the northern Azoni barbarians have been digested. it's a fine time to be alive. But things weren't always peaches 'n cream. There was a period when the rampaging Quntag legions and the greedy Rilris Lord, flush from successful campaigns of their own, began to make advances toward my distant, scantily defended border outposts just as I was about to unleash a final offensive at the Azoni homeland. The first move was mine. I picked up the phone and dialed the Rilris Lord.... So it happened that Bob McLain entered the picture. Who is Bob McLain, you ask? A contributing member of modern society, like most everyone else-with one exception. Every two weeks this otherwise pleasant man becomes the bone-gnawing, blood-swigging, entrail-swallowing, empire- building tyrant known to a frightened world as Dragna. And what triggers this horrible change? Not the full moon, not a bad childhood, but a letter from a small town near Pittsburgh. Bob McLain, vou see, plays games by mail. About 15,060 enthusiasts keep the expanding play-by-mail industry on its feet. In recent years the games available have grown into three digits, but subject matter stubbornly remains in the "safe" science fiction /fantasy/war orbit. Quest of the Great Jewels, the PBM in which Dragna chewed up his opposition, combines aspects of fantasy and tactical /strategic combat, as do such other examples of the genre as Landlords, Heroic Fantasy; and Earthwood Heroic Landlords; for instance, pits you against scores of Gamemaster-controlled creatures (including the feared Killer Pigeon) that lurk in nine levels of computerized dungeon, while Landlords sets you off on a continent- wide search for three enchanted castles that will match your three enchanted keys. No matter what he may tell you, most of the events leading up to my gargantuan victory can be directly attributed to Michael G. Mike invited me to enter a game with him and a few cronies. The game we joined was Quest of the Great Jewels. Never in my seven years of PBM gaming have I run roughshod over as many people as I did during the first ten turns 4 QJ6. My character type, a Slenth, was well- suited for these endeavors-according to the rules book, Slenths "get their kicks from abacinating evangelists and defenestrating orphans ." My kind of guys. In no time I had swallowed three rival empires whole. There was no stopping me after that. The royal surveyors were measuring zilbtarts in their sleep, and my empire was swiftly approaching the opposite shore. But as fate would have it, smack-dab across my path lay the holdings of one Charlie M., a Milton Bradley game designer and associate of Michael ~. Charlie had lost interest in QJ6. Another player, John B., was chopping poor Charlie halfway to Parker Brothers and back, and I hadn't even scouted the guy What to do, what to do, The answer hit me like a sack of weekold Slenth underwear: call my old friend Michael G. and ask for some "confidential" mapping data on Charlie. It took me nearly an hour to pry away little tidbits about the decaying Charlie M. empire, but they came. A few turns later I met a very surprised Rilris Lord in the center of what he thought were his private killing fields. All due to Mike G. Wotta guy Unfortunately, trouble shook paradise soon thereafter, Despite John B.s vehement claim that I was "welcome" to as much Charlie territory as I could grab, I had grave suspicions of a darker purpose lurking behind his beady Rilris eyes. And to Compound things, my oldest ally-a polite gentleman from Wiltnette, Illinois, who led more than a thousand Quntag legionnaires with Alexandrian gusto-had betrayed me on the previous turn, causing the death of a decorated general and scores of troops, My main army was presently engaging the pesky Azoni barbarians on several fronts; if hostilities broke out elsewhere, the very size of my empire would preclude any quick sorties to fetid off the new invaders. The situation called for a trio of solutions. First I confirmed that the Rilris Lord had no contact with the Quntags. This took a weight off my shoulders--each player could now he approached without the others knowledge. I figured John would be the easiest to manipulate. His character type needed zorans (a primitive form of currency) to win, so I outlined a multi-tiered arrangement that boiled down to regular zoran payments from me in exchange for his Southern provinces. John knew I could squirrel away the bulk of my zorans in distant hidey-holes if he showed the slightest proclivity to attack me. Rather than risk a long war--which would ironically boost my score instead of his since I receive Points for killing troops and destroying citadels--he agreed to my terms with a wistful remark about "great battles never to be." I truly felt sorry for him, So much so that I proposed a joint campaign against the traitorous Quntags. He loved the idea. Too bad I wouldn't be there to share his fu n. The next call was easier. My earlier investigations had revealed that Steve S.'s Quntags were combatting the northern Azoni hordes on a much grander scale than I. A bit of brinksmanship might put the fear of Dragna in Steve's heart, Summoning up my best "what the hell is this" tone of voice, I bluntly inquired about the betrayal and intimated that I might approach the Alonis about a temporary alliance to crush the "mutual Quntag enemy" The ploy worked. Steve even gave me permission to enter his empire and destrov some citadels as compensation for the betrayal. Perfect! Now I could prove to John that I was indeed keeping my word and "attacking" Steve, per our agreement. Although John and Steve could be dealt with diplomaticall\; the Azonis understood only force. A quick call to Mike G. supplied me with background on the Azoni player. His name was Jim W When that didn't ring any bells Mike went down a list of Jim's design credits, which included the popular GAMMA WORLD. "Finally some tough competition for you," Mike said. Yeah? In a mutants eye. An Azoni receives points for building citadels. Since a players home province is usually the most productive, zoran-wise, it's, logical to conclude that an Aloni would have more citadels there than anywhere else. But Mike wouldn't confirm my assumption. He smugly suggested I have a look for myself. Jim W's empire was small--a Poland to my Russia. I even knew the location of his home province. The problem was in getting there. I did nothing that turn or the next. Jim's Azonis and my Slenths remained at war, but slowly and surely I was advancing, However, instead of Jim realizing fewer points per turn as I destroyed his border citadels, he was miraculously on the upswing. Only one answer fits--Jim must be hauling in cartloads of zorans to his home province and spending them all on new citadels, My "sure victory" was being jeopardized. Obviously I had to destroy those citadels. Jim was happy to let me nip at his heels if it would buy him time to cinch a win through economics. The days of peaches 'n cream were over--I needed a "hold action" to nullify this menace from Lake Geneva, Wisconsin. The ease with which the solution came belies its importance. During a previous campaign I had discovered that citadel destruction was simpler than the rules book led one to believe. As long as you had rams in the province, not 10,060 defenders could stop you. So I sent my best general straight through Jim's empire and hoped enough troops (and rams) survived to do the job. It seemed an impossible task from the start, since only 40 troops and 32 rams had any chance at all of reaching the objective. But if I waited and brought up my reserves, Jim would reap at least another 2,000 points. Moreover, he might somehow jeopardize the operation if given time to deploy additional troops. As it turned out Jim engineered his own defeat. I can't be sure, but on the day the QJ6 turn results arrived I thought I could hear the faintest howl from somewhere to the West. Far to the West. Maybe as far as Wisconsin. Jim Jim had deployed almost every available man to his southern border, where lie hoped to contain me until his score had risen through the figurative ceiling. Consequently, there was no one home to ambush invaders who made suicidal lunges into the sacrosanct interior. And why should there he? It made poor military sense for me to commit manpower behind the enemy's front lines, cut off from reserve support. But Jim apparently didn't realize the damage just a few expendable troops and rams could create. Cozy in his false cocoon of security, Jim had built 60 citadels (a tremendous source of points) to wow the home crowd. I'll bet he was proud to show them off to my ramwielding martyrs. And the walls came tumbling down. Great PBM Adventures was based on actual events that took place in Quest of the Great Jewels #6. Games with related scenarios are also listed. Game & Moderator Prices Quest of the Great Jewels Zorph Enterprises Rules: $2.50 3646 Gibsonia Rd Set- up: $2.00 Gibsonia, PA 15044 Turn fee: $2.50 Earthwood Game Systems Inc. Rules: $5.00 PO Box 431166 Set- up/2 turns: $5.00 Miami, FL 33243 Turn fee: $3.00 Heroic Fantasy Flying Buffalo Inc. Rules: $1.00 PO Box 1467 Set-up: $5.00 Scottsdale, AZ 85252 Turn fee: $2.50 Landlords Quest Computer Services Rules: $2.00 PO Box 1300 Set- up: $5.00 Dahlgren, VA 22448 Turn fee: $3.00 Back to Table of Contents -- Game News #2 To Game News List of Issues To MagWeb Master Magazine List © Copyright 1999 by Dana Lombardy. This article appears in MagWeb (Magazine Web) on the Internet World Wide Web. Other military history articles and gaming articles are available at http://www.magweb.com