I write this as the approaching holidays rush toward us like another unwanted birthday. This column I will take you back to the Historicon wargame convention of this past summer. I was attending in my guise as one of the judges in Jay (gray)Hadley's rollicking figure-judging crew. Having served with Jay and Co. before, I knew what to expect. At the time of the convention, I was getting ready to have dreaded carpal tunnel surgery on my right wrist, with the left to follow six weeks later. Yes, the result of too much art, typing, and computer/video gaming. As I always say, "Over forty, it's just patch, patch, patch...." But enough of this digression, let me take you back to the art show for a brief art lesson. If you think you can paint well enough to enter the show and go for BIG CASH PRIZES - go for it. We have prizes for best units, armies, and what have you. But before you throw your troops into the fray, let me give you OLD MIKIE'S TOP TEN LIST OF THINGS NOT TO DO TO YOUR FIGURES TO AGGRAVATE THE JUDGES AND LOSE THE AWARDS: 1. Enter on time: Can you believe that people actually try to enter after the judging starts? If you must put a unit in a GAME, don't think you can still enter it in the show just because the game ended late. 2. Eyes: Some people like 'em, some tolerate 'em, some don't really care - but everyone dislikes them if they're really badly done. And it's much too easy to do bad eyes. I'm from the school of "I hate painted eyes." They look goofy to me, but if they're done well I won't knock points off. Realistically, most people's eyes are narrow slits or half moons and the pupil is almost always partially eclipsed by the upper lid. The best example can be seen by taking a look at military paintings, especially the small-scale guys in the back ground. The eyes are almost never seen, just suggested as shaded slits. Most figure painters do eyes like Muppet Ping-Pong balls. If you must do them, do them small and paint the eyes an off white after all, the eyes are naturally in shade. 3. Faces and skin: We often end up standing around moaning about various units that have fantastic basing, posing, uniforms, etc., only to blow it with a two-toned skin job. Now, on any 15mm and larger figure you can do five to ten shades of flesh, and there's no excuse for funny colored flesh either. We once saw an army painted in what could only be describedas "Zombie". Just as a quick tip, if you want to mix flesh from scratch, one of the key colors to use is green. 4. Uniforms: At least be accurate - have somebody look at your figures when you're done. We once had a prize winning British unit until we noticed that the painter forgot the wings on the Grenadiers.... 5. Flags: This is another thumbs up or down big one. If you can paint an army, please paint the flag as well. I know it's hard and I personally hate painting flags, especially with Signifer and the like putting out great flags. And painters who use the printed flags tend to make them look as much like painted flags as possible. One time we found a flag that had been very well treated to make it look painted. But the painter had to spend as much time on this flag as if he had painted it from scratch. One of our judges gets as hot and bothered about flags as I get about eyeballs. Here's a hint. If you are willing to make flags of your own, use the lead foil from wine bottles. This stuff can be folded, bent, and torn like stiff canvas and when primed and painted is very resistant to abuse. Best of all, you can drink the wine first. 6. Posing: This isn't too bad - it can always help up to a certain point. But besure you know what you're doing. Lots of painters who aren't all that familiar with anatomy will try to make figures do things the human body simpy can't do. Beyond that, in true dramatic excess, they are all too likely to go for the "Keystone Kops" approach. When doing massed groups, painters often ignore two basic flow "laws" - Flow Dynamics and Chaos Theory. Summed up, this simply means that people - like flocks of birds and schools of fish - actually move in very synchronized motions. It just doesn't look or feel right when you animate too many figures and have them doing too many conflicting things. 7. Untraditional subjects: This is for the tank, boat, and plane boys. We have nothing against you. We've seen incredibly detailed work: brass shell casings around guns, microscopic antenna and the like. The best was when Jay went to pick up an aircraft carrier and a slew of 1/8" scratch-built planes fell off. The scoop here is that a lot of your stuff looks the same and a lot of detail has been done for you, so what the judges look for are all kinds of individual touches: work hard on the ground or water; don't use decals; if the face and hands show, paint them. 8. Details/horses: Don't ignore the details. And when it comes to horses, at least look at a few real ones before you start to paint. Horses are really sort of shiny - I use ink washes over the paint for a translucent, sweaty look. We can get really pissed off about horses. 9. Painting style: Try to use the flattest paints you can. You can always gloss something up afterward. As to style, right now the favored "look" is an offshoot of the old 54mm and up theatrical style. All the figures look as if they were on a stage under hot, bright spotlights. Don't overdo it. 10. Bribe the judge: Above all, remember, YOU CAN BRIBE THE JUDGES - but it better be a good one. Games/rules discussions is the idea of move/countermove (with the governing control of written orders). Of course, when we use any kind of a large-scale tactical system this has no meaning as all things are written down and can be sequenced out. Move/countermove only can come into force when you're in a small-scale or skirmish game when "real" time becomes important. That is when things like first volley, loading times, etc., become crucial. Yes, real countermoves can only be found in the skirmish game, no matter how much some rule writers may wish otherwise. Back to Empire, Eagles, & Lions Table of Contents Vol. 2 No. 10 Back to EEL List of Issues Back to MagWeb Master Magazine List © Copyright 1995 by Emperor's Headquarters This article appears in MagWeb (Magazine Web) on the Internet World Wide Web. Other military history articles and gaming articles are available at http://www.magweb.com