10. The Secretary of Defense assures the Joint Chiefs of Staff that we will be able to staff and equip all TWO active Army divisions simultaneously in TEN Theaters of Operation. 9. The Secretary demonstrates theater missile defense by having an infantry squad surround a crowd during a July Fourth fireworks display. 8. Upon witnessing this, Texas Congressman Dick Armey changes his name to Dick Navey. 7. The Army announces a new theme called "Be a Lot of What You Can Be." 6. The new GI Bill is the amount of money you have to pay in the future for benefits that are now free. 5. Entitlement to "space-available health care" now means "health care that is only available in space." 4. The "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy is replaced with the "Your Secret is Safe With Me" policy. 3. The Military decides to organize a contest entitled "Guess Our Mission." 2. The Military "Guess Our Mission" contest ends after a year with no winner. (Almost sounds like our VetQuest subscriber contest - RG) 1. To show its level of support for the retired military population, the Defense Department names as the new Undersecretary for Health Affairs: Dr. Jack Kevorkian. Back to Dispatch Apr. 99 Table of Contents Back to Dispatch List of Issues Back to MagWeb Master Magazine List © Copyright 1999 by HMGS Mid-South This article appears in MagWeb (Magazine Web) on the Internet World Wide Web. Other military history articles and gaming articles are available at http://www.magweb.com