Your Family Might Be Too Hooah If... Your newborn must attend RIP (Ranger Indoctrination Program) within the first 30 days of life. Your wife's two favorite shades of lipstick are light green and loam. You go to a barbecue and insist that your family feed tactically. Your children clear housing before they go to college. You require your mechanic to replace the sandbags in your floorboard as a part of a tune-up. Your station wagon is equipped with blackout lights. Your kids call their mother "Household 6." Your kids volunteer to pull air guard on the school bus. Your doorbell sounds off with the current challenge and password. Your house has sector sketches posted by every window. Your kids show their meal cards at the kitchen door, except the oldest, who is on separate rations. You make your daughter sign out on pass on Prom Night. Your kindergartner calls recess "smoke break." Your wife conducts an AAR after sex. Your wife "takes a knee" in long checkout lines at the Food Lion. You do your "back to school" shopping at U.S. Cavalry. Your son fails the third grade, but tells everyone he was a "phase three recycle." Your kids salute their grandparents. Your wife's "high-n-tight" is more squared away than your commander's. Your kids get an LES for their allowance. Your grandmother won "All American Week" and "Best Ranger." Your kids initials are AR, FM, TM, or DA. Your kids recite their ABCs phonetically. Your wife keeps Mermites in the China cabinet. Your wife left you and you held a "Change of Command" ceremony. You call your in-laws the "Slice Elements." Your dog's name is "Ranger." Your son's name is "Ranger." Your name is "Ranger." Your kids call their sandbox "NTC." You have pull-up bars outside the kitchen door. Your kids pull fireguard. Your newborn's first words were "all OK Jumpmaster." Your older kids call the youngest one "Cherry" Your wife carries a buttpack instead of a Gucci purse. Your POV has your name stenciled on the windshield. Your kids are hand receipt holders. Your kids practice Drill and Ceremony at recess. Your kids pull night guard shifts by the mailbox. Your wife won't buy anything unless it has a stock number. All your meals at home are MREs. Back to Dispatch Apr. 99 Table of Contents Back to Dispatch List of Issues Back to MagWeb Master Magazine List © Copyright 1999 by HMGS Mid-South This article appears in MagWeb (Magazine Web) on the Internet World Wide Web. Other military history articles and gaming articles are available at http://www.magweb.com