I don't dislike the French, but some of these are just too good to pass up...Bill I would rather have a German division in front of me than a French one behind me. -- General George S. Patton Going to war without France is like going duck hunting without your accordion. --Originally attributed to Donald Rumsfeld, U.S.Secretary of Defense but since corrected to have been said by Jed Babbin, Undersecretary of Defense during the 1st Bush administration. Going To War Without France Is Like... ... a Texas barbecue without a croissant... ...the Normandy invasion without Yves St. Laurent.. ...eating biscuits and gravy without snails on the side... ...going to war without Germany... We can stand here like the French, or we can do something about it. -- Marge Simpson Q. How many Frenchmen does it take to change a light bulb? A. One. He holds the bulb and all of Europe revolves around him. Q: What would the French call a nuclear explosion in Paris? A: Proof that more inspectors are needed. The only time France wants us to go to war is when the German Army is sitting in Paris sipping coffee. --- Regis Philbin  French Foreign Minister Dominique de Villepin was applauded at the Security Council after he spoke out against U.S. war plans Friday. They've taken their own precautions against al-Qa'ida. To prepare for terrorist attack, each Frenchman is urged to keep duct tape, a white flag, and a three-day supply of mistresses around the house. House Speaker Dennis Hastert is so angry at France for opposing White House policy on Iraq that he's proposed requiring orange warning labels on every bottle of imported French wine. Let's guess. The warning label will read: Just Two Glasses Could Make Dictators with Mustaches Appear Less Threatening Than They Really Are. --Argus Hamilton Next time there's a war in Europe, the loser has to keep France --Unknown The French will only agree to go to war in Iraq after we've proven we've found truffles there. --Dennis Miller What do you expect from a culture and a nation that exerted more of its national will fighting against Disney World and Big Mac's than the Nazis? An old saying: Raise your right hand if you like the French.... Raise both hands if you are French. Q: Why are there so many tree-lined boulevards in France? A:,Germans like to march in the shade. Q: Then why are the French chopping down the trees now? A: The Arabs like to march in the sun. Q: What does the word "Maginot" mean in English? A: "Welcome!" You know, the French remind me a little bit of an aging actress of the 1940s who was still trying to dine out on her looks but doesn't have the face for it. --John McCain, U.S. Senator from Arizona I don't know why people are surprised that France won't help us get Saddam out of Iraq. After all, France wouldn't help us get the Germans out of France! --Jay Leno Q: What did the mayor of Paris say to the German Army as they entered the city in WW II? A: "Table for 100,000 m'sieur?" The last time the French asked for 'more proof' it came marching into Paris under a German flag. --David Letterman About the Iraqi Army: Not a whole lot is required of an extra in a Godzilla film. --unnamed actor, TOHO Films, Japan Back to Dispatch April 2003 Table of Contents Back to Dispatch List of Issues Back to MagWeb Master Magazine List © Copyright 2003 by HMGS Mid-South This article appears in MagWeb (Magazine Web) on the Internet World Wide Web. Other articles from military history and related magazines are available at http://www.magweb.com