Alfred E. Neuman. He's the freaky little kid that has appeared on almost every MAD cover, and also has had a "thought provoking" quote in just about every issue. Some of his quotes sound so intelligent that they might lead you to believe that he's not a complete idiot. But he is. Anyway, here are the quotes since issue #335! "Smoking helps you lose weight - one lung at a time!" "Today, if you ask a car dealer to let you see something for 10 grand, he'll show you the door!" "Medical insurance is what allows people to be ill at ease!" "Prison inmates are treated to cable TV, hot meals and a college education, while on the outside some people can only afford these things through a life of crime!" "Thank's to the new welfare bill, the question "Paper or plastic?" now refers to many American's sleeping arrangements!" "In retrospect it becomes clear that hindsight is definitely overrated!" "Most people are so lazy, they don't even exercise good judgement!" "If opera is entertainment, then falling off a roof is transportation!" "A college jock is someone who minds his build instead of vice versa!" "The only advantage to living in the past is that the rents are much cheaper! "Getting old is when a narrow waist and a broad mind change places!" "How come stealing from one book is plagiarism, but stealing from many is research?" "It takes one to know one -- and vice versa!" "Nowadays, a balanced diet is when every McNugget weighs the same!" "Teenagers are people who act like babies if they're not treated like adults!" "A teacher is someone who talks in our sleep!" "How come we choose from just two people for President, and fifty for Miss America?" "Who says nothing is impossible? Some people do it every day!" "You can be on the right track and still gel hit by a train!" "Blood is thicker than water... but it make; lousy lemonade!" "The UN is a place where governments opposed to free speech demand to be heard!" "A plastic surgeon's office the only place where no one gets offended when you pick your nose!" His popular presidential campaign slogan: "You could do worse, and always have!" Back to Dispatch March 2003 Table of Contents Back to Dispatch List of Issues Back to MagWeb Master Magazine List © Copyright 2003 by HMGS Mid-South This article appears in MagWeb (Magazine Web) on the Internet World Wide Web. Other articles from military history and related magazines are available at http://www.magweb.com