Your newborn must attend RIP within the first 30 days of life. Your wife's two favorite shades of lipstick are light green and loam. You go to a barbecue and insist that your family feed tactically. Your children clear housing before they go to college. You require your mechanic to replace the sandbags in your floorboard as part of a tuneup. Your station wagon is equipped with blackout lights. Your kids call their mother "Household 6." Your doorbell sounds off with the current challenge and password. Your kids volunteer to pull air guard on the school bus. Your house has sector sketches posted by every window. You give the command "Fix Bayonets" at Thanksgiving Dinner. Your kids show their meal cards at the kitchen door, except the oldest, who is on seperate rations. You make your daughter sign out on pass on Prom Night. Your kindergartners call recess "smoke break." You refer to your spouse affectionately as "the wifely unit." Your wife "takes a knee" in long checkout lines at the Food Lion. You do your "back to school" shopping at the US Cavalry. Your kids call the tooth fairy "Slicky Boy." Your son fails the third grade but tells everyone he was a "phase three recycle." Your kids salute their grandparents. Your wife's "high-n-tight" is more squared away than your commander's. Your kids get an LES for their allowance. Your grandmother won "All American Week" and "Best Ranger." All your kids have names that start with AR, FM, TM, or DA Form. Your pick-up has your name stenciled on the windshield. You threaten to punish your spouse for preparing dinner too late by reducing her too "Wife First Class." Your kids are hand reciept holders. If you refer to your children returning from school each day as "exfiltration." Your older kids call the youngest one "Cherry." Your kids recite the alphabet phonetically. Your wife keeps mermite in the China cabinet. Your wife left you and you held a "Change of Command" ceremony. You call your in-laws the "Slice Elements." Your dog's name is Ranger. Your son's name is Ranger. Your name is also Ranger. If your low quarters are part of your Sunday go-to-meeting suit. All your possessions are military issue. Your kids call their sandbox NTC. If they fashion play-doh to look like Claymores and put them at the perimeter of the backyard. You have pull-up bars outside the kitchen door. Your daughter's first haircut was a flattop. Your kids pull fireguard. Your newborn's first words were "All OK Jumpmaster." You bum "dips" from your nine year old daughter. Back to Dispatch April 2001 Table of Contents Back to Dispatch List of Issues Back to MagWeb Master Magazine List © Copyright 2001 by HMGS Mid-South This article appears in MagWeb (Magazine Web) on the Internet World Wide Web. Other military history articles and gaming articles are available at http://www.magweb.com