The Budgie in ASL

Humor

by Steven Linton

For those of our brethern who use tiny cardboard counters by Steven Linton sent in by Steve McBee.

147 (one four seven) was my budgie. I say was because he died on Thursday. He was to my knowledge the only budgie in the world who actually played Advanced Squad Leader (ASL). Sure, he wasn't much for the rules (though he did find the pages lastly), but he loved rolling dice and his interest in counters was second to none. Mortars were his particular favourite - as most of my slightly chewed counters can attest. So intense was his interest that I wrote the following rules some time ago to clarify his role in the game. Not that he ever felt compelled to adhere to them of course.

P.S. No, his name originally had nothing to do with ASL - but he certainly made it do so.

AERIAL SUPPORT WITH A DIFFERENCE -THE TACTICAL USE OF AVIANS IN ASL 147: a designation that brings fear into the hearts of every ASL'er known. Combining the effectiveness of a hero with the movement capabilities of a Sturmovik, this terrifyingly effective combination of pet and self-defence weapon leaves such mundane devices as that Neubelvehrwhatsit thing in the shade. The following rules are designed to simulate in game terms the tremendous impact of a 147 on the battlefield.

1. AVAILABILITY:

1.1 A maximum of 1 147 unit may be deployed in any scenario. Use is subject- to a BSTC (Bird S**t) by either side, pass- ing which makes the unit available at any point in the scenario.

2. APPLICATION:

2.1 Once deployed, neither player may directly influence the use of a 147 - effects are random and subject to the discretion of the unit.

3. MOVEMENT:

3.1 The 147 has unlimited movement capability, and is able to move and attack in any phase.

3.2 All movement by a 147 is random. Unlike other units, the 147 may enter and exit the playing area at will.

4 STACKING:

4.1 A 147 has no affect on stacking, though all units that it stacks with, includ- ing entrenchments, become automatically disrupted.

5. COMBAT:

5.1 Any attack by a 147 is an automatic concealment loss activity.

5.2 The 147 has both front and rear main armament, both of which can be used regardless of BCA (Budgie Covered Arc). 147 attacks are notsubject to Case C modifiers.

5.3 Multiple Hits: Random selection applies if more than one unit is in the hex under attack. If the players are out of the room, multiple hits are automatic.

5.4. Critical Hit: Any attack which results in 147 throwing 'floors' with the unit being attacked is a CH. In the case of Multiple hits, CHs are automatic. Any unit subject to a CH must take a 2 DYRHMUYHMC (Do you remember how many units you had) before that unit can undertake any further action In the game.

5.5 CC All counters are subject to a +6 ambush DRM when entering into CC with a 147. Any units attacked must also un- dergo a WTFWTTC (where the f**k was that) before regaining freedom of move- ment.

5.6 A 147 is immune to attack. Any at- tempt to do so will result in the automatic insertion of the offending players die in their smallest available body cavity.


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