(Ed. Note: From the Internet. This was one of the responses to a historical miniature wargamer who had the misfortune to be accosted and berated by a persistent individual, who apparently attended a wargame convention to increase his sense of moral indignation ... ) (Snip) Original Poster: ... When I tried to point out that (smashing all of the figures on the table) would be really hypocritical of him, he just kept telling me I was being pathetic and that I was a war-monger, and began quoting that his parents had been forced to eat tulip bulbs during the war. (Response) Bad luck mate. Why is it that barking mad loonies choose to talk to the people least capable of dealing with them? Self preservation perhaps. Some people just don't act sensibly when you talk to them politely. That's partly why wars exist, If faced with this sort of loony in the future I might point out that chess is a wargame and indicates about as much about the players support for Nazis. If that doesn't work.... (some of these demonstrate the less tasteful side of humor BTW). 1. Point to the biggest, toughest looking guy you can see and tell them, "Actually the figures are his, break em if you like, but he'll kill you. Stone dead. Oooh... did you see the way he looked at you then. I think he heard you. RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!". 2. Tell em if they walk around talking crap like that any longer, tulip bulbs will be the least of their problems. 3. Yell "Hans, Hans ver is der maschinegevehr forty toooo? Ve haf ein juden eer" over towards the far side of the convention hall. 4. Point out that the war is really an extension of diplomacy. When diplomatic means fail to accomplish a country's aims then the talking stops and the punch up starts. Ask them to leave. If they, stay point out that diplomacy obviously isn't working, roll your sleeves up and ask someone to hold your jacket. 5. Point out that this is just your hobby and you're a practising born again Christian. (Start crying) "How could you be so hurtful to suggest I would hurt another human being? Please come to our bible class and..." If you get to the end of the sentence and they're still there, then they're religious and should be into turning other cheeks. Bit unlikely as they've launched into a verbal... Anyhow. Just hit them. 6. Laugh at them. "Are you MAD? Call your friends over by yelling "Hey! We got another loony over here, come over and listen to what this idiot's ranting on about". More likely to have a positive effect than some sort of justification. Failing that you at least will feel a bit better about things, as you're probably thinking that anyhow. I did warn you they were tasteless.. Back to Dispatch June 2000 Table of Contents Back to Dispatch List of Issues Back to MagWeb Master Magazine List © Copyright 2000 by HMGS Mid-South This article appears in MagWeb (Magazine Web) on the Internet World Wide Web. Other military history articles and gaming articles are available at http://www.magweb.com