Most of the time we all got on very well down at the Club - there was always a lot of kidding and winding-up but it wasn't taken seriously and wewere really all good mates. It carried on like that until Sharon joined us, the first girl we'd had in the Gang - not because we were male chauvinist pigs but simply because none of the opposite sex evercame along - and the experience was enough to cause us to hope she will be the first and the last. In the beginning we heard of her through Sam Russ raving about this girl he'd met in the "Dolphin" -- "I was having a quiet pint when this couple sat at my table... she was a real cracker but the guy with her was a dreary Wally who seemed to be boring her to tears and after a while she really let him have it. She said... "I don't know why I'm wasting my time with you when I could be at home reading the third volume of Oman the library got for me today!"
Sam continued: "The third volume of Oman... that's what she said... I couldn't believe my ears... so I leaned across and asked her if it was Oman's HISTORY OF THE PENINSULAR WAR she was talking about?
The Wally pushed his face into mine and told me to mind me own business... but the girl told him to keep out of it and looked me up and down: 'Of course it was, although I suppose you could have thought I was talking of his other books, say THE ART OF WAR IN THE MIDDLE AGES or WAR IN THE 16TH CENTURY... I've read those, too."'
Sam said he took a deep breath: "You're telling me you've read books like that... about history and wars?" The girl's eyes flashed in what we later got to recognize as a danger signal: "And why shouldn't I? Those books... that sort of writing isn't for men only, you know! Of course I've read them although my main interest is in the Peninsular War."
"What else have you read on that?" asked Sam. "Oh most of them... Jac Weller, Michael Glover, David Chandler, Rogers, Rifleman Harris, Kincaid, Surtees, Costello, Harry Smith, Julian Rathbone... and Napier too... but not all of them, only his single volume edition." Sam had never met a girl like her and they chatted merrily away until the Wally got fed-up and went.
Of course he had to bring her down to the Club, to show off this quite exceptional member of the fair sex whom he introduced all round as "Sharon", and basked in the reflected glory of the astonishment and respect she aroused by knowing as much as any of us about the Peninsular -- even Billy Wright hadn't read Napier! It wasn't long before she made it quite clear she wasn't goingto be regarded as a pet parrot saying its piece; she stood there looking around at us and, as breezily as you like, said: "Sam tells me you fight wargames here... I've never had the chance to do anything like that before... when can I come down to this Tomb of yours and fight a Pensinsular wargame?" We looked at each other and you could read it in their faces that they could see she would bring a bit of glamour to our earth-smelling wargames cellar. "It's alright with us...if Charlie agrees."
Well, Charlie agreed, saying: "Perhaps it'll make some you watch your language when the dice don't fall right!" So we set about preparing a fairly straightforward battle, using an example from history and we had a full house next Sunday with most of the gang looking tidier and more respectable than ever before.
Sharon astonished us straightaway by recognizing the battle as soon as she heard the narrative: "That's Maida... 4th of July 1806... when Stuart beat Reynier... yes, that's a nice little battle with the red-coated Swiss being mistaken for Watteville's men... and Ross coming ashore with the 20th Foot and winning the day... yes, I'm going to enjoy this!" We stood open-mouthed with Sam Russ capering around her as though she'd just won an Olympic gold medal.
At first we were all helpful and chivalrous, giving her the benefit of the doubt and acting like perfect gentlemen, then she got the hang of the rules and began knocking hell out of Toby Role's force, mistakenly he carried on treating her with exaggerated courtesy long after most of us were desperately fighting for our lives! Oh yes, before the game was halfway through we had all abandoned that flippant flirting style, but Sharon had got the bit between her teeth and by the end of the afternoon had done a better job than even Stuart did in 1806! It might have helped if we could have got the odd curse or swearword in, but whenever one of us opened his mouth to do so, Charlie glared a warning -- and it was his Shop after all, wasn't it?
From then on she became a regular Sunday player and came to the Club on some evenings with Sam, although even he was getting a bit fed-up with Sharon and some said she only kept in with him to be ableto carryon wargaming. Whatever you say, women aren't like men, are they -- when a guy wins a wargame or does something noteworthy he doesn't keep crowing about it, but Sharon did because she was a real Woman's Lib type and every wargame was a Battle of the Sexes to her. Then she sprang her bombshell -- she was going to paint-up a regiment of 25mm Amazons -- women-soldiers -- and use them in our wargames! We kept our spirits up saying no maker did them, but Charlie said he'd look around although he didn't please Sharon when he recalled how Mike Blake of Individual Skirmish Wargames had once made a bevy of Western Saloon girls out of a box of Airfix 1:32nd footballers!
The eyes flashed dangerously: "I'm talking of soldiers, women warriors who could beat most armies they encountered... until the controlled volleys of French repeater rifles defeated them in the 1890's." And she went off full blast about this Corps of Amazons in Dahomey, a West African Kingdom, formed in bands of 400 with female officers, armed with muskets, rifles, bows and arrows, spears, machetes and swords, each unit designated by flags, drums and ceremonial umbrellas; they wore a loosely slit wide skirt and a cartridge-belt over their bare chests. That made some of the younger lads snigger! Charlie produced female Fantasy warriors from Asgard and then Citadel's women-warriors, but she didn't like them so in the end Charlie converted some Ancient Egyptians or Hittites, gave them muskets and made bares breasts with tiny blobs of solder -- when Sharon said some of them were "...unbalanced up top" Charlie said they'd look alright when they were painted.
She did a good paint-job on them and those damned Amazons turned up in every wargame we fought, although at first the younger lads didn't like firing and meleeing with them -- "Don't seem right... with them being wimmin, does it?" But them "wimmin" chased us all overthe table and Sharon got more and more cocky, crowing when she won and on the few losing occasions, accusing us of being chauvinist pigs. The numbers began dropping off on Sundays and we were at our wit's end wondering what to do, when suddenly Sharon stopped coming! After three peaceful weeks, we had all cheered up, even Sam Russ; then Fred walked in waving the evening paper: "See this picture of Sharon in the Recorder?" It was on the back page, the sports page -- there she was, dressed in football gear -- she'd formed a woman's football team called The Amazons, of course, and was bitterly complaining because the local football association wouldn't let them play in the men's league!
We haven't had any girls in the Gang since Sharon, and most prefer it that way, although we all agree that if there has got to be another sex, we'd as soon it was women as anything else!
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