Stupid Fighter Pilot Terminology

Air Combat Humor

by J.D. Webster

EXCERPTS FROM THE ARIZONA AIR NATIONAL GUARD'S INCOMPLETE DICTIONARY OF "STUPID FIGHTER PILOT TERMINOLOGY" ­

(This document really exists)

Buffoon -- v. The art of porking something away, i.e. "he buffooned his way into the fur-ball and promptly had his man­hood removed."

Break -- v. The contraction of: "Sir, you are respectfully requested to displace your aircraft laterally from the bullet stream or you are one dead mother-f-----r." i.e., "Jesus Christ! Break Right, Break Right, He's on you, I'm Engaged!"

Break -- n. The result of complying with the aforementioned verb. ~

Cludo -- adj. The state of being clueless.

Clueless -- adj. The normal state of affairs for Coneheads and management staff. An intellectual vacuum most pronounced just prior to the arrival of a cluebird. A realization that your cluebag is empty.

Cluebag -- n. A container, usually more emptyt han full, which represents your immediate knowledge of the current tactical situation.

Cluebird -- n. A replenisher of cluebags. The sudden arrival of the realization that you have f----d up. A colloquialism for a flash of insight, usually too late to save you from starring in some­body else's gun camera film.

Conehead -- n. An interceptor pilot with little grasp of reality. (SEE F-15 DRIVER)


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