Oh, Go Hang a Monkey!

Hartlepool and the French Spy

by Bob Black, U.K.

That phrase, dating from an incident during the Napoleonic Wars is guaranteed to shut up anyone from Hartlepool. Or get you a punch in the mouth from that same Hartlepudlian. Behind that phrase is a strange tale of how the people of Hartlepool met a monkey for the first time and assumed he was one of Bonaparte's spies. A French ship was wrecked on the North West coast and all hands were lost. All save a sailor's pet monkey who swam ashore. Now the Hartlepudlians had never seen a monkey before and for that matter never seen a Frenchman. When the furry fellow swam ashore they used impeccable logic and deduced that he must be a Frenchie. They interrogated the monkey but he refused to answer. So they tortured him and the furry fellow screamed and gibbered. No one could understand him, but then since he was French they assumed he was speaking in French, a language they couldn't understand. Getting nowhere with the "spy" the people of Hartlepool hung the monkey. Today's Hartlepudlians take umbrage when this story is told. I have a friend of over twenty five years standing whom I can stop in his tracks by saying "OH, GO HANG A MONKEY!" The story entered the folklore of the North West and there are various songs about the incident. The Teesside Fettlers (a North England folk Group) sing a totally incomprehensible version on one of their records. For those of you lucky enough to have missed them here's a few verses from another source. In former times mid war an' strife, The French invasion threaten'd life, An all was armed to the knife, The fisherman hung the monkey, O! The fisherman wi' courage high, Seized on the Monkey for a spy; "Hang him!" says yen; says another, "He'll die!" They did, and they hung the Monkey, O!" Hammer his ribs, the thunnerin thief! Pummel his pyet weel wi yor neef! He's landed here for nobbut grief He's aud Napoleon's uncky, O! Thus to the Monkey all hands behaved; "Cut off his whiskers!" yen chap raved; Another bawled out "He's never been shaved" And so commenced to scrape the Monkey, O! They put him on a gridiron hot, The Monkey then quite lively got, He rowl'd his eyes tiv a' the lot; For the Monkey agyen turned funky, O! The a fisherman up te Monkey goes, Saying "hang him at yence, an end his woes!" But the Monkey flew at him and bit off his nose An' that raised the poor man's Monkey O! They tried every means to mych him speak; They tortor'd the Monkey till loud he did squeak: Says yen, "That's French," says another, "It's Greek" For the Fisherman had got druncky, O! "He's all ower hair!" sum chap did cry, E'en up te summic cute and sly; Wiv a cod' head then they closed an eye, Afore they hung the Monkey, O! Back to Table of Contents -- First Empire #13 Back to First Empire List of Issues Back to MagWeb Master Magazine List © Copyright 1993 by First Empire. This article appears in MagWeb (Magazine Web) on the Internet World Wide Web. Other military history articles and gaming articles are available at http://www.magweb.com