or the Iron Duke bloodies the nose of the Arch Duke?

Most wargamers get excited at the prospect of gaming away from their usual haunts, particularly using someone else's figures and in the company of their fellows. Generally, this is an unreachable pipe dream, yet for a minority of us (wargamers, that is) for a fee this facility has been available for some years.

How many times in the early months of a year have you seen the advert for the Wargames Holiday Centre at Scarborough, run first by the legendary Peter Gilder and now by 'Mr Geniality' himself, Mike Ingham? Certainly for me the answer is "many times". I had often toyed with the idea of lashing out eighty pounds, the cost of a weekend at the centre, but was always put off by the lack of a friend to go with. Being a relatively shy person this is quite important, so when this year I mentioned the idea to one of my regular group, Kevin Morgan, I was pleased when he said that he'd come as well. Thus buoyed up with "Dutch Courage" I wrote off to Mike and booked us in for the Wagram refight at the beginning of May.

Come the allotted Friday we departed somewhat into the unknown and eventually arrived at the little hotel in Scarborough where all 12 of the players would stay. This was the first time that I realised my relative shyness had paid dividends. Kevin and I were to share a room. This was quite good from the point of view of having someone to talk to about the battle, etc. but I was damned glad that it was someone I knew. I would have felt most uncomfortable to have been doubled-up with a stranger, at least initially.

Having settled in we quickly found that Yorkshire hospitality was all that it was cracked up to be as the bar was immediately opened - always a welcome event. We were then met by Mike who immediately became most popular man in the room by getting a round in. Another simple yet nice touch. Thus by the time we got around to choosing sides I was already two bottles of cider (West Country Wargamer!) away from full planetary contact.

With this in mind Kev and I both bellowed out our earnest desire to be surrogate Frenchmen for the weekend. Happily everybody seemed to get what they wanted, within the proviso that Mike wanted a fair split of people who had been before and who knew the rules, these being the love 'em or loathe 'em "Grand Manner" by the late PG.

Following the split both sides vacated to different rooms, dinner having been consumed at some point in between (but I for one was far too excited/ apprehensive to remember when), where we were presented with our Order of Battle and an approximate map of the terrain.

The six of us then decided upon who would play Napoleon, the role going to the most regular attendant, Justin Taylor. For about 45 minutes we then thrashed out what we imagined would be the Austrian plan and a counter plan of our own. It was decided that the wargamer playing Arch Duke Charles, who was well known to Justin, would undoubtedly attack at some point and the terrain on the map suggested that it would be as per the historical plan in the form of a right hook across the open flank. We expected a defence in strength along the whole of the Russbach Stream to take advantage of the difficult terrain. Accordingly we decided to defend on the left flank whilst launching a hammer blow of our own against the Austrian left. In the centre we would make offensive gestures in order to pin the enemy from supporting his left.

Justin then asked who wanted what. Thinking that the attack on the left would be a bloodbath, Kevin and I volunteered to defend the right. The assumption being that as I had played the rules regularly in the past I would be able to assist Kevin, who was a novice with them. I was thus given Davout's splendid III Corps with Kev supporting me as Bernadotte.

Next to us was the Big N himself holding the Guard and the Cavalry Reserve. Gesturing against the centre was Dave with Oudinot's II Corps whilst the 'tricky' assault was given to Jon commanding Eugene's Italians (who we had decided were expendable foreigners!) supported by Gordon as Massena. All this should be clear from the map. We were expecting reinforcements in the shape of Marmont on move 3 and Wrede's Bavarians on move 6. These would be held in reserve by Napoleon until an obvious place of commitment was discerned. At this point I would like to apologise to any of the players who read this as I promised to remember their surnames. The circumstances of Saturday evening were such that I hope they understand my failing and will forgive me my memory loss.

We finally turned in having been out to look at the table and then given the hotel bar another test-drive. I for one was filled with confidence and looldng forward to kicking the pants out of the Austrian right wing. After all, I had the biggest Corps imaginable and we had sussed out their plan, so what could go wrong?

Saturday Morning

On Saturday morning at about 9:30 we drove the 15 minute trip out to the Holiday Centre to set up. Deployment is carried out using hardboard rectangles with the troops written on the underside. This took about 30 minutes and we then were obliged to set up everything within 54 inches.

Now came my first shock. The Austrians were about two moves closer than anticipated to my unsupported forward position at Aderklaa, which held one 36 figure strong battalion and 12 skirmishers to make up the 48 figure capacity. I had expected time to reinforce this strongpoint as the pivot of our defence. It looked like they would have to fare for themselves. However it was obvious from the enemy dispositions that we had correctly gauged their plan and as I estimated two corps facing us with one further back I felt confident that I could easily handle them.

It was at this halcyon moment that Mike deposited all over my head. "You can here the thunder of hooves to your left" he said. He wasn't wrong as two entire Austrian Corps arrived on my exposed flank. Suddenly it was five against two and I was feeling distinctly uncomfortable. However, I reasoned that I had nearly 150 cavalry figures and that with them I could buy the time to build up a firm defence and await the inevitable support that my intermittent wailing would bring.

The rest, as they say, is history. I will not bore you with all the painful details, rather I will give an overview of the battle with my own entirely biased opinions. Having used 'Gilder' before I knew that much of the coming cavalry brawl depended on dice luck. Regrettably the Almighty took this opportunity to conceal mine elsewhere. The battalion in Aderklaa attempted to give me heart as with the very first roll of the battle they rolled double 6 to whack a tremendous volley into the Austrian infantry facing them. Unfortunately the Archduke Charles, who was personally leading this monumental attack demanded that I split this fire between three target units, effectively decreasing the effect. Complain as I might this dour gentleman, who shall remain nameless for decency's sake refused to budge, and as he was a regular and I a mere new boy I conceded.

My first mistake. By move three I was conceding nothing and moaning like I'd been there a dozen times. My cavalry had practically ceased to exist. Having deployed then in a manner which would have made my mentor, the great LK, proud I proceeded to roll specially modified dice which had had the 6's removed. Squadron after squadron of Grouchy's Dragoons got stuffed by Austrian cavalry of all shapes and sizes. The remnants then thoughtfully routed back through my deployed guns which were pinned, ' and only fired at half effect as enemy Cuirassiers rode them down. My garrison at Leopoldau was cut off and due to the hated "routed ground" rule were unsupported as a whole Austrian Corps literally bore down on them and washed them away. For those in ignorance, according to Grand Manner troops cannot advance across ground over which troops have just routed. God knows why, but there you have it.

The next nine move continued the same. I was pushed back, with units being pinned by whichever squadron that idiot Grouchy commanded then being attacked and overwhelmed whilst not being able to reply. Naturally I took every opportunity to vehemently complain but this was not enough.

To cap it all whilst I was busy on the extreme left Justin made the self-confessed mistake of ordering Kevin to retake Aderklaa. The Saxons got a thorough mauling and only contributed to the friendly routs modifier on my morale dice throw. By the way, this is another grotty rule, there should be a maximum rout modifier and the distance that a routing unit affects should be reduced. Despite everything I considered that I had done as good a job as was possible in the circumstances.

Come the evening session on Saturday I decided that solace in alcohol was the only solution. My cider intake went up drastically, as did my humour. I even smiled at Archduke Charles.

Sunday Morning

Finally on Sunday morning the Emperor decided on a change. Kevin was given command of the remains of the left flank, which totalled less than a Corps in strength whilst I was sent across (in disgrace?) to the centre to supervise Oudinot's attack in support of Jon and Gordon. This was my first hint of good news. The Italians, far from having got a beating had forced their way across the stream and supported by Massena had destroyed the Austrian left in its entirety.

With Dave and Wrede's Bavarians I proceeded to destroy the Austrian Centre held by Bellegarde. These poor unsupported devils were amazed by my uncanny judgment of 8-pdr canister range, and as the final move of the battle ended Dave and I were sweeping to glory. My mood was made all the better by the hotel bar being open till a late hour and my sobriety failing to return till mid-day Sunday.

Elsewhere things had not gone so well. Napoleon had seen half of the cavalry reserve go the same way as Grouchy's Dragoons, and the Imperial Guard were suffering from the same "routed ground" and "pinning" problems which had plagued me on Saturday. Even the legendary Old Guard Band, who gave a plus two rally modifier had been pinned! What was worse was that Napoleon had held them in reserve on Saturday whilst he 'evaluated the situation'! Much good humoured abuse was thrown his way when we heard that. Even the mythical Giant Guard Rabbit, with which Gordon for one claimed a +1 modifier, was unable to redeem the situation.

In final judgment the Austrians claimed total victory, based apparently upon the bodycount theory as they still had to fight their way over heaps of pinned Imperial Guard. The French Centre and Right enjoined Mike to favour them, as the Austrian line of communications had been severed and four victorious corps were swinging around the Austrian rear. All to no avail as Mike backed the overjubilant enemy with his verdict. I had one last final moan and then we packed up the figures and departed.

Opinion

So, gentle reader, you are asking yourself "What is the humble first-timer's opinion of the original Wargames Holiday Centre?" I will tell you. The facilities are simple yet excellent and undoubtedly cost effective, hence the relatively low price.

The hotel is manned by genial hosts (I strongly reconimend that you include them in any round you buy, it works wonders on opening hours) and is quite satisfactory as an operating base. The centre itself is stocked with more 25mm figures than you can wave a big stick at, and the terrain is the biz. Mike Ingham is the sort of chap with whom an instant rapport is possible, which makes him the perfect host.

In fact when he was not suffering an ear bashing from one of us (alright, me) he was making tea or providing hot or cold meals and tidbits. As for the rules, well having played them many times before I knew that they stink, but then again so do any other set of non- computerised Napoleonic Rules (and some computerised for that matter) and it must be borne in mind that any rules used must cater for a percentage of players who have never used them before, and to this end "Grand Manner" are as good as any, provided you like throwing handfuls of dice.

Finally, if you are the least bit shy then take a friend first time out, preferably someone who has seen you in your smalls on a previous occasion.

Wagram Order of Battle

Maps