There's a yearly convention near the SHADIS offices which focuses on teaching people to play new games. It's called, appropriately enough, "Games University". It's still a young convention, so it's not very big, but who knows what might happen in the future?

Just to be prepared for all possible outcomes, l'd like to propose a course catalog for Games University, the four-year accredited convention:

NUTR 201: The Four Gamer Food Groups. Balancing your daily intake of salt, sugar, grease, and caffeine. A giant pizza and a 2-1iter bottle of Mountain Dew-the perfect meal? Comparative studies of Cheetos, Fritos, and Doritos.

NUTR 202: Convention Food. A study of the near-food items offered for sale at game conventions, with an in-depth examination of the legendary "Death Brownie." Con pizza and delivery pizza: are the names a coincidence, or are they really the same genus of foodstuff? Prerequisite: NUTR 201. Chem lab fee and con admission fee.

COMP LIT 412: "What Is A Roleplaying Game?" All roleplaying manuscripts published to date seem to have a section with this title, even roleplaying games whose subject material and systems differ drastically. Evidence for Noam Chomsky's theory that this is due to a shared deep stmcture in the gamer brain is presented.

RELI 215: White Wolf vs. TSR. "Vampire!" "AD@D!" "A Renaissance In Gaming!" "The First And Still the Best!" "Fossils!" "Posers!" Prerequisite: RHET 151: Shouting At the Top of Your Lungs.

MATH 103: Statistics for Gamers. What makes some dice luckier than others? What are the most effective purification rituals for unlucky dice? Dice that have been running "cold" all evening--are they "due?" Ringing the bell curve.

MATH 113: Euclid's Perfect Solids. An analytical geometry course focusing on the d2, d4, d6, d8, d12, adn d20. What makes them so perfect, anyway?

MATH 114; The Solids Euclid Forgot. The d10, d30, and d100. Second semester analytical geometry. Should these regular solids strive for perfection?

LAW 101-102: Rules Lawyering I. First semester: What is a rules lawyer? What is a lawyer? What are rules? Handson in-class experience: pointing at the inside of the Candyland box lid and saying, "See?" Second semester: How to counter the "GM's word is final" fiat.

LAW 201-202: Rules Lawyering II. Advanced rules lawyering. Primary reference material: First Edition AD&D ® hardcovers. First semester: Memorization of the treasure types, potion, and weapon tables. Second semester: The Days Before THAC0, plus the spell lists and artifact table.

RELI 320: CCGs - Bane or Scourge? Seminar course; maximum class size enforced. Lab fee will go toward the purchase of a Black Lotus to be destroyed ceremonially at the end of the course. This semester, students with dissenting views are requested to avoid the classroom so that last year's "holy war" difficulties will not recur.

GOVT 190: Game-World Societies. Why some game worlds have yet to invent the "waiter," and the economic impact of rampant barmaidism. How many governments are there that don't end in "-ocracy"? Societies based on cultures other than medieval Europe, ancient Rome, or modernday America.

INTL REL 315: The Role of Italy in AH's Diplomacy. The history, present, and future of this Diplomatic powerhouse. Special attention is paid to the methods of ensuring that someone else plays this role.

ENGR 511-512: Transwarp Starship Design. First semester: a review of previous models and their tendency not to include bathrooms, causing passengers to have to cross their legs for up to five years subjective. Second semester: students will design and build an actual starship, then conduct a defense of the design, which the examming professors attempt to shoot down. Literally. Lab fee and insurance fee.

DRAM 217: Live Action Role Playing. How to tell when someone's speaking OOC. What "OOC" means, anyway. Sweeping Theatrical Gestures. Using Obfuscate without looking like a prat.

BUS 312: The Next Hot Game. Content of the course still undecided as of press time.